What is Anxiety
Anxiety refers to a complex combination of negative emotions that includes fear, apprehension and worry, and is often accompanied by physical sensations such as palpitations, nause...
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I feel like I am on the losing end of the stick. I have started to become numb to feeling helpless...which is good. I can cope better that way.
My story as of recently. I moved to NYC because I was looking for...well love and happiness...and excitement. Well I found anything but. My first year I lived in an apartment that had roaches EVERYWHERE!! They would crawl on me at night and come out of the oven while cooking. Really gross! That apartment didn't help me with my anxiety level. Towards the end a new roommate moved in..Great....He was an alcoholic! He would come on to me and I would lock myself in my room and he would retaliate by breaking things in the apartment and punching things. I moved from that apartment and moved into what I thought was bliss. Turns out I was wrong. Soon after that I find out my mom has Hep-C and Cancer. Luckily the cancer was caught on time. Phew I can breathe again..but..Now my grandfather has terminal cancer. He dies. a few months later my grandmother dies. My dogs are like my kids...One night my dog ends up paralyzed from the waist down. I am not going to get down and out about this now. It doesnt effect me because he is a fighter and he walks on all 4 feet again and we manage his spinal condition. But since he is a dog he doesnt understand his disabilities and I have to constantly be on top of him saying no dont run dont jump..and take him to his various Dr.s appointments....for his various conditions....that he has developed in the past year alone! I no surprise go into a long episode of depression. I find no joy in anything. I lost my job before that but I have no desire to go find a new one. Why? whats the point? This drags on for a while. A little longer than a year I stay in that state of depression. My bf tries to understand but can't. Shortly after that I get diagnosed (all within like 6 months) with asthma, high blood pressure, interstitial cystitis, mitral valve prolapse, hashimoto thyroidis and have already had 2 biopsies on my thyroid...I now have to get that done every 6 months for the rest of my life or until I develop cancer. Insomnia gets worse anxiety gets worse. Im now having anxiety attacks night after night just crying myself to sleep. I feel pathetic. I begin to hate nyc I start to feel like a failure. I can't make it here. I decide its time to return home. I cant yet. I have to finish school. My boyfriend and I decide to break up. I am doing pretty good now. I feel like I can breathe again. I feel the depression leaving..lifting...I can find happiness again... I am fighting to stay this way. I recently in the past 2 months or so started having a mouse infestation in my tiny apartment. Its seriously gross. It really made my insomnia and asthma much worse ...How can i sleep when mice are crawling around all night? I have been fighting anxiety. I have been doing my best NOT to take valium. I want to. I want to sleep at night and not be stressed and freaked but I dont want to rely on a medication to do that for me. I want to learn to do it myself. I woke up this morning and found a BED BUG on my wall my bedroom. I am freaked..and stressed...roaches bedbugs mice...Im sick of it..I am sick of nyc...I really am...I am tired...I am tired of being sick and tired (literally). Sorry I went on for a while.. I really am trying to stay positive and stay out of depression and anxiety attacks. I am trying so hard because I am alone here. I dont have many friends or any family here. I need to be strong. I need to just make it through 6 more months and I am home bound. Why does 6 months seem so long? Posted on 11/06/09, 06:11 pm |
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6 months. You can do it. Is there anything you like about NYC? Like Central Park? 
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Wow, that's a lot to have to deal with. You're definitely a fighter! Is it possible for you to leave nyc though? All those problems with bugs, etc would drive me crazy too. I wish you the best and am sending good energy and prayers your way!
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Hey guys. I like going to the museum of natural history. Always fun. Central park I like in the spring and summer right now its starting to get way to cold to want to be outdoors long. Right now its pretty chilly out..fall is going to be gone soon...sadly!
I cant leave NYC earlier because of school...I am in my last term of grad school and the second reason is because I have to drive down and no one can come up sooner to help me get down there with all my crap and dogs.
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Sounds like your in the eye of the hurricane right now.And of course you feel anxious, depressed, and numb. The numbness is our own protective shield. Flow with it till it can be ridden out. I'd say, who cares about the reliances of meds, especially right now. You need rest and peace of mind, right? Take the chill pill for now.Worry gives you anxiety. Lack of rest gives you anxiety. And too much anxiety beats the hell out of mind, body, and soul, which creates depression.Lovely cycle, isnt it? Go ahead finish your school. Focus on your studies, take care of your "babies". They never fail to tell us we matter. And animals are resilient. And more adaptavble to handicaps than us humans. The mitral valve prolapse is a part of why you have anxiety, did you know that? I read that awhile back.Get yourse;lf some mouse trap boxes, so you dont have to look at their carcasses and whatever's good for bedbugs We got this tube of stuff from the hardware store ya putunder sinks, etc. We had a couple...cockroaches because my sister stored her crao here. It is still killing bugs after all this time. Its what those Bug Guys use. And 6 months does seem long, but it will get here anyways. Might as well, finish school, and be able to move with "babies" in tow!.
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Sawyer has some great ideas! I have never had cockroaches but I know they aer hard to get rid of, because they can travel apt to apt. how bout a bug bomb? But be careful what you use because of the furry baby. OH there are things online that will give you ideas on natural bug detractants too, like vinegar or stuff like that.
We had mice, but our dog and cats take car of that. If you can find out where they are coming in at, you can get that foam stuff, that grows..and fill any holes. Mice can come into a place in a tiny tiny hole. And I dont think its that spendy. Youll be ok!!! you dont have much longer and you can go to other places to study to get out of there.
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I already did research on bug bombs and they don't work with bedbugs...I have to wait until the exterminator comes to spray but the spray is toxic...I am a lil freaked about having toxic spray sprayed in my tiny apt!! I dont want myself nor my dogs to get sick from it..I know I will have to vacate the apt for 3 hours after they spray but i dont know how long I have to wait before I can mop the floor clean of the stuff so that my dogs dont lick it....I tend to have a lot of anxiety about that kinda stuff being in my apartment..I know I am going to be compulsively cleaning my hands and my apartment for weeks after they treat it....
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I went to the library to study today..However since when are libraries loud?!?!!? I was so over it..I couldn't focus!!! People are so rude! :) I think starbucks was quieter than the library! ha....odd!
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hi there...
i had about a million different types of insects in my home when i lived in fiji. extract of tee-tree oil, put in with the wash (a tablespoon, or so) helps get rid of a lot of insects. they really don't like it.
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First off I just wanted to validate a lot of your stress--you've had a pretty heavy time of it lately and I'm so sorry. Cut yourself some slack, anyone would be stressed in your situation--no one wants to live with vermin and cockroaches--No One. It's an anxiety-producing situation to do so.
Have you thought about counseling?
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no wonder you're feeling lousy, you have a lot of shit going on. I haven't the words to help much here as I know you seem sort of stuck in this situation until you're at least done with school. If you hate NYC move up to Boston where everyone here hates NYC TOO!! haha.. sorry a little humor, seriously though, and no offense to anyone here but NYC is probably one of the filthiest cities I've ever been to. It's not a great place for people struggeling with anxiety. You need a calm place where you can rest comfortably. I hope once you're done with school you're able to make that a focus and get to that point. In the meantime I would strongly suggest seeing a therapist that you can just vent with. DS is great too. We're all pulling for you, and feel free to use it as a sounding board whenever you need to. MVP's can also cause many of the symptoms you have especially anxiety. Are you taking any medication for that?
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