What is Anxiety
Anxiety refers to a complex combination of negative emotions that includes fear, apprehension and worry, and is often accompanied by physical sensations such as palpitations, nause...
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This is no way to live.
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Hi everyone I am sure you can agree with me that there are worse things out there that people go through but I must say I am being selfish by saying the way I am living right now and probably a lot of you is NO way to live at all and it is not fair.
Here is the thing I want to be able to go out or make plans and not THINK about it like what if I cant breath or maybe I wont feel well. I want to be able to take my kids fo rlong walks and not feel like i am going to drop dead in fear that there is something seriously wrong with me. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not think about my bodily sensations or have to wait an hour to get my breathing and feelings under control before I start my morning. I want to travel and visit family and not be so homebound. I want to join my sons school activities and take my daughter to swim lessons. AND just once I would love for my husband to come home and I can say to him today was a great day I am so excited for this and that. LAtely I am not doing any of these things in fact the past 4 years I havent. It seems it is one thing after the next. My dad called me tonight and said he had free tickets to a hockey game if I wanted to take my 5 year old. OF course it was a big fat NO because I always feel like crap and I would probably pass out if I went especially alone. MY parents must be so disapointed in what I have become. I am 30 years old and I can barely take care of my life and complain most of the time. I was not always this way and this makes it even more frustrating than ever. This past week I have once again had breathing issues and not the kind that come and go. they last all day long and when I do laundry or anything that involves movement I have to stop slow my heart down and try and breath. I had a spirometer test 6 months ago and it was fine I also had a chest xray and it is fine but my breathing is not. I have I forgotten how to breath? I hate this I spend my days wanting to cry but for some reason I cant. I love my family and my life it is everything I wanted so why am I like this?? I went to the doc and she has ordered another chest xray fo rmy own peace of mind and she wants me to do some hormone imbalance saliva test. Honestly if I could breath I would exercise, I would take my kids out I wouldnt walk around faking that I felt good because i really would. I dont understand how anxiety can cause the breathing issues I have it feels like asthma or some lung disease. I shallow breath constantly then I find I am constantly clearing my chest or feel like I have to. I DOnt know what to do anymore I really dont. I hope you all dont mind this was me rambling on and on again I guess I really needed to get this off my chest. DOes anyone relate at all to any of this?? I would love to hear your stories or thoughts. Thanks for bearing with me :) Posted on 11/03/09, 09:11 pm |
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Hi Shoosh, I really feel for you! I used to have panic attacks but don't anymore, so I can say from experience it can get better. It is such a difficult way to live. And exhausting because for me anyway I was worried about being worried. I did end up missing out on lots of things for a while, because I was so afraid to go anywhere and have a panic attack. Meds and therapy have really helped me to recover from them though. I hope things get better for you soon. ((hugs)) 
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Oh yeah, you were mer, or was it I was you, not so long ago. My life seem to be at a standstill. I mean, I forced myself out the door daily, did what I had to do, just to get back thru the doior of my home. To me, life was a battleground. Anxiety is not something that goes away. It must be treated like any other illness. Its a mood disorder. Some may disagree, but thats ok. I think it has to do with your brain not being supplied with enough seotonin. Existiong on pure adrenalin aint as fun as it sounds. The constant worry of health issues, the paranoia, the tenseness throughout your whole damn body! For years, I thought I had a brain tumor, had a heart attack, and concentrating on my breathing convinced I'd just forget to.And of course, all that cxoncentrating with the breathing just causes too much oxygen going to the brain causing...yep, hyperventilation. That foggy feeling, that lump in the throat, those sometimes even "too morbid for me even" thought. ha. Is all apart of the mood disorder. You wont go crazy...I'm living proof. Never died from my supposed brain tumor, heart attack, and I'm still breathing. But I do take antidepressants. Started at 42, hated the thought of some "mind altering" drug being administered. ha. No mind altering, just a sense of calmerness. I guess I never knew how that felt till I hit perimenopause. The anxiety andthe "change" seemed to collide into one another. Those days and weeks were nothing to write home about. I was ready to say, "Morphine and straight jacket pleeeeeez"
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I so understand. I have had a really bad day today myself and I turned to my fiance' and said, it must be hard to go to work all day and then come home to someone like me, in this condition. I feel so bad you are stuck with someone like me.
He of course does not feel that way, but he feels helpless as he doesn't know quite how to help me. Shoosh I cannot relate, too much, to the issue of having a difficult time leaving the house, as my issue that way, is physical. But I know at times I feel on edge and I do not want to jeopordize anyone's time because I am in panick or anxiety mode. It makes you feel useless and like ok well then what is my purpose in life? For myself, I have found comfort in turning to my fiance or a really good friend and saying, Im having a hard time today, would you remind me why you like me? For you, you have children, thats always a reason to be needed more then you will ever comprehend. I just thought of a great idea! Maybe if we could ask someone to tape their words or we could have someone write it out, we could refer to it to help lift our moods when we are in that position? Never thougt of it till this minute!!! you just helped me! After that, Sawyer's idea of breathing and more would help...concentrating on something that is more physical instead of mental might help...anyting along those lines to get you out of that stinkin thinking mode. I know that is the hardest for me, when I am in that arena, I need help being lift up to get "out" of that repetitive thinking. Shoosh you have just helped me today by sharing and I feel better knowing I am NOt alone in this. Thank you for sharing this private problem.
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Hi Shoosh, I feel like I wrote what you said, I am in the same place as you and just plain afraid of living and so afraid of dying with this damn anxiety. It is killing me on its own. I am on meds but have not been on them long and do feel I need a change. I called my doc waiting for his return call. I need something done, I am afraid to go out as also think something might happen to me while I am out, not sure what but it has to be bad. I hope you get in a better place for yourself and get on track as hopefully I will also. If you want to talk feel free to email me.
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Thanks for your replies. Foxie 77 I sort of know how you feel about your husband dealing with your issues. The thing is with me my husband loves me and i know that but he is at his witts end with all this. He married me and I was such a different person then willing to go out and do things etc. Now all I do is complain and cry when I think I am dying. He has put up with a lot from me for almost 5 years now since our child was born this started. My hubby is a very outgoing carefree man and to have a wife who has turned into an uptight person that never wants to be alone at home or go out and have fun must be hard on him and I do wonder how he has stuck around so long. Trust me we have almost split up a few times. ON the other hand I am suffering and I did not chose to end up like this so as much as it is hard on him this is way harder on me. He is healthy and happy.
I have pushed away and lost alot of friends over this and I really dont want to lose my husband but I cant expect him to go the next 10 years like this so I really need to fix it some way. I dont believe this is not curable at least to the point of not affecting our lives I was once normal I am sure I can be again IF this is anxiety I am dealing with. If I can figure out what is causing my chest problems and breathing problems Or not have the issues I would feel pretty good otherwise but it seems as soon as I conquer one symptom another appears. so frustrating.
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My husband stayed with me for 35 years and went through hell and back with me. I would have done the same for him. That is a true marriage, get the good with the bad.
Do you go to counseling and if so your husband certainly needs to be a part of it, this anxiety does not just affect you it affects the whole family and I am sorry you lost friends but in my book they were not friends to begin with. I know how you feel about your breathing, I truly do, I am there with you but I believe as I want you to believe that it will get better. Anxiety is a nasty illness that shows no mercy but you need to tell it that you are taking control of your life and kick it in the ass and send it packing. Medications do help if you can get the right combination of them. I have no other problems except my breathing and yes I also fight all day about it. But when I do have a good day and not worry about it, I truly know it is anxiety and not a lung disease etc. Just know your not alone and you WILL get better. Life can be a struggle but we can all make it with support from each other. Hugs to you and please never feel alone as you are not.
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Outfox, is right..this is very beatable. And she is right about counseling, perhaps he would take part in it,(keep seeing a no on this for some reason but never hurts to ask)You would be a prime candidate for cognitive behavioral therapy and possibly hypnotherapy! The Cog counselor could teach you new behaviors on how to control your breathing and not let your breathing issues control you!
I think she pointed out something really valuble as well, that a marriage is a blend of give and take. It sounds like you are taking a lot of the issues solely on yourself!Even though you state you didn't intend to be sick like this. What about you? What are your expecations of a relatioship? And what can you give him to help him as well. Like for instance, I am unable to cook and need help getting clothes excetra, however I can do other things, so there is a pass off of chores here. Also, I try to give him nights off. It is rough being a form of caregiver. Its as exhausting as being the one sick as well. Its all about give and take..see what I mean?
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shoosh, you sound so much like me. i have been suffering from the same things u explained for the past 3 years, and no one really understands what that feels like. i am home alone right now and can't stop thinking about all the possible things that could go wrong or that could happen to me and no one will be here. i am not longer the confident independent person i was, and to me that depresses me the most. this is not how i thought i would be living my life. my husband also gets fed up with me, and at times i don't blame him. i wish i could leave me too. but he tries to understand, although we both know he never will. i also look for any excuse i can to get out of going out, and as a result don't have much of a social life.
i had the whole breathing episode as well, and i ended up going for several tests and xrays. turns out my lungs are fine, the prblem was that i am always so tense that i got used to breathing shallow breaths. this of course is not the correct way of breathing. i got obsessed with the whole breathing thing for a while and would be scared to do anything. eventually it passed sincfe new symtptoms developed that i could obsess over. either way, not to worry, it is the anxiety. i know if i didnt feel any physical symptoms or if i was given a guarantee that nothing was wrong with i wouldn't be suffering from as much anxiety. somehow, i can't convince myself that i am well.
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heyy, i def know where ur coming from! for a while since march of 09 i started to have anxiety n had no idea what was going on i thought maybe i was gonna have a heart attack or die? went to the drs n said it was anxiety n gave me ativan for a week n took it n stopped n decided i dnt wanna be on meds, they can be addictive so i would try n get therapy ive had it before becuz of how hard my life has been from growing up n everything i been through but anxiety kept coming back n after having the flu in june of 09 for 2 weeks i started to get body aches n decided i would get on medication, i would wake up some days n my body would just ache! i found out wen i walked around it did feel a lil good for fresh air but would cry just becuz i felt like im not normal, would if something was wrong with me i would have breathing problems, felt like i couldnt breathe n have panic attacks, and im only 21 i just turned 21 a few weeks agom thinking how ocme no one my age deals with this? i would be rly scared waking up everyday telling my bf i dnt feel good again, so many emotions all at one time, im on lexapro and i didnt like it the first week or 2 but then it got better n anxiety was fading away slowly then all the sudden it came back a week or 2 ago n got scared n had nightmares n then they went away so its been rly weird for me but i feel like im always tired but now i always try n think to my self this has to be normal! and coming on daily strength every day gives me alot of strength n alot to look forward to! so remember ur not alone at all it just takes time , i started using aromatherapy which helps me go to bed bath n beyond they have alot there
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You sound so much like me.My problem is the feeling of a lump in my throat. It is there all the time and the more I am aware of it , the more anxious I get. The doctor has ordered various tests,and just thinking about the possible results is making me more anxious.Because of the constriction in my throat ,I am afraid to eat. If instead of that ,I had to deal with breathing issues like you do, I would be a basket case.I think that you are very brave.What a difficult way to have to live. Keep writing if it helps. Are you on any meds? Do they help?
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