Anxiety Support Group

I just got out of a relationship that was very unhealthy for me. When my ex and I met, we had an instant connection and grew close very fast. However, shortly after we met, he moved to a different state. Despite the distance, we continued talking a lot. We became best friends and that eventually led to a romance. In the beginning of our relationship, we were very happy together. He was very sweet, thoughtful, romantic, funny, and fun to talk to. He made me feel safe and loved and I really enjoyed talking to him. We have both struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, but we were both doing well in the beginning of the relationship, so I hoped that wouldn't cause problems for us. For the first few months, things were going well. But last month, things started getting very bad. He was under an incredible amount of stress and he was having a hard time controlling his anxiety. He also felt alone because he was so busy he didn't get a chance to spend much time with me or any of his other friends. He was always sad about the fact that he had less time to talk to me because he missed me, needed support, and felt like he was a bad boyfriend because of it. I tried to tell him that I understood and that I was staying but he couldn't get the fear of me leaving him out of his mind. He became more distant. Sometimes, when we were in the middle of texting he would suddenly disappear. That was very unusual for him because he always used to make sure to say goodbye, probably because he understood I would get very worried about him, just like he would get very worried about me if I didn't. If that had happened once or twice while we were having a casual conversation, it may not have bothered me very much. But the conversations we had before he disappeared were about his depression, anxiety, and suicidal feelings. When he stopped texting me, I would text him and call him frantically, trying to stop him from acting on his suicidal feelings. I would worry for hours, feeling extremely sick and miserable, until he would finally respond. I went through this several times. Worrying about him dying made my depression and anxiety worse than it has ever been. Two weeks ago, he tried and failed to commit suicide. He was hospitilized for a week and we talked every day he was in there. He seemed to be doing much better and I hoped that when he got out we could talk and we could work together to help him more. But he avoided talking to me. One day, he ignored my texts and calls again and finally responded with "we need to talk." I tried to call him, but he said he couldn't talk on the phone. Then he told me that he thought it would be best for me if we stopped dating. We talked about it for a while. I asked him if we could just take a break but then he said he had to go for a minute. After waiting an hour and a half for him to respond, I said he didn't have to worry about breaking up with me anymore cause I just did it for him. Then, he started crying and having an anxiety attack. I felt really bad but I knew that he was probably right about this being best for us. We were both in mentally unhealthy states. We agreed to be friends, so we continued talking every day. But a few days ago, he said he would text me in a little bit and never did. I asked if he was okay but he didn't answer. The next day, I texted him again but he didn't answer then either. He has not gotten back to me at all. I don't know if he's alive, if he's okay, if he's hospitilized. I don't know what's going on. I could text or call his mother to ask about him, but my family advised me not to. They say I might be assuming the worst and that he just needs some space. Quite honestly, if I contacted his mom and she gave me bad news, I don't know if I could handle it. Ever since he stopped responding the other day, my depression and anxiety has gotten even worse. I keep getting so scared about whether he's okay or not. And I keep getting scared that the pain and anxiety from this experience is never going to go away. My abandonment fears are also extreme right now. In the past, I tried to take zoloft to treat my anxiety, which my doctor said would be least likely to interfere with my prilosec, but it made my stomach much worse. So I don't see medicine as my best option. I need to find relief in another way. I was wondering if anyone could please tell me what I should do about my ex, if anything. And I was wondering if anyone could please tell me what I should do about my anxiety. It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Posted on 06/16/12, 04:59 pm