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Smiles, thank you.
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Those of you who know me will know i seperated from my wife some time ago and my son Ethan, who is autistic, decided he wanted to live with me. Well sadly, he has now decided he wants to live with his mum and went back there three days ago.
SInce i moved into this apartment, Ethan has pretty much been my whole life. Everything i did was for him he governed my whole day and i am afraid to say that when he left i was overcome with greif. I have never spent a day away from him and the fact he is not under my roof where i can take care of him really is not easy for me to deal with as i am ultra protective to those i love and it really smashed me to pieces. I really did loose the plot in a bad way, pretty much what i had been fearing for nine years, the thing that fueled my anxiety all that time had come to life and i was quite possibly in the worst place of my life. But for one person..... smiles, Brit, i cannot tell you what you mean to me. You saved my life all that time ago when i was bad and now you did it again. You brought me back from possibly the worst place i have ever been inside my mind and i am sorry to embarrass you babe but I need to say this in public so everyone knows that when they get advice from elament, when elament is there for them and gives them the support they need That it is you who keeps Elament alive. So thank you baby, thank you for everything you have done and continue to do on a daily basis. You are without a shadow of a doubt the best freind i have ever had and knowing that you got my back is....well....it feels like coming home. And u did all that while facing your own demons too. I have some great freinds on here. Know some really really awesome people jesus i been on this crap hole planet 44 years and pretty much in the last four months since being on DS i have met the nicest people of my life. and i also happened to have fallen hopelessly in love with one of you. Thank you Brittany, sorry its public but i just wanted everyone, all of these people who know me and love me for what i am, to know who has saved my life these last few days. I love you Posted on 04/13/12, 04:14 am |
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I am so sorry for what you are dealing with not having your son under your roof. I can't imagine.
I have told you before that you were the first one to reach out to me here. I cried when I unexpectedly got a message from you. The words spoke directly to my soul. You gave me strength and it was nice to have my first experience from you of how much people really do care here. I am so thankful to have you as a good friend and to have found ds. To thank a wonderful person in your life the way that you have is a beautiful thing. I want to thank her as well. Thank you Brittany. We need Elament here. 
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Thank you, thats really nice of you to say. Brit very rarely gets any thanks for what she does but really she keeps me going and that allows me to do what i do on here
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Really i dont know where i would be without her, well i do and i really wouldnt reccomend it as a holiday destination lol.
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I would be flat dead without my wife. She has been through so many health and nervous system crisis in the past 30 years I cant even count. Never once complained or made me feel less than. When I look at her I put one more foot in front of the other and suffer another moment.
We have our retirement dreams all in place and I cant rob her of those dreams by checking out. I just cant believe I cant beat this thing again - I have recovered in the past but this one is different. My wife is not only beautiful and the most common sense person I know she is all spirit - she took care of and lost both sisters in the past two years. She is caring for her now blind father and took care of her grandmother. I just want to give her a whole man and partner again - scoop her up and play and laugh.....and feel so damn far from it!!
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Well Rik, i feel for you really i do. There is not much worse than loving someone the way i do brit and not being able to be there for her when she needs me. But you know the thing about this girl. She never once complains. She always knows what to say and always puts me first and pretty much you cant ask for more than that in a partner, a life love. She knows instictively when i am in trouble and has single handedly pulled me out of some the darkest places i have been too and even talked me out of two panic attacks so far.
Rik, we ALL have good days and bad days. And if your wife is half the lady my Brit is, she will know that when the good days come i will make it up to her and pretty much thas about as good as it gets with anxiety. You are lucky, you guys are together. We are still getting there but even from 4000 miles away she can still do this for me, save my life....again! If you need inspiration RIk, look into her eyes. I cant do that right now.
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