Anxiety Support Group

Hi, guys. Some of you may be familiar with a few of my posts that I have had in the past, but I am still having problems. It all started when I had a panic attack while on a halluinogen on spring break. The next week, I learned that my Dad was dying and I said my last goodbyes to him, and I was so emotional for a few days. Then, a few days later, while learning about schizophrenia in my college-level psychology class (I was a senior in high school, just graduated), I had a perceived panic attack thinking about schizophrenia. When I had the attack, I felt sweaty, nervous, shakey, and I told my friends in the class that I felt "really weird". They couldn't relate to the feeling I had, so I panicked and panicked, for about a week. I told myself that what was going on with me was schizophrenia. When I panicked, which lasted for probably about 2 weeks straight, I felt lost, like I couldn't talk, nervous and it was hard for me to function, I couldn't sit still. I felt almost like a chemical was rushing through my body, like I was changing chemically due to all of the panic. I finally confronted my Dad, who was home from the hospital by some miracle. He said I was in no way schizophrenic, he had friends that were schizophrenic and that I was in no way schizophrenic. I calmed down for about a week, I didn't think about it at all and I felt like I had come back down to earth. I felt AWESOME for a week until I was in the shower a week later and I had a thought, out of nowhere, "What if I am crazy?". I instantly panicked about it. And it was worse than before, and this time, it didn't go away. Since it came back, I began to research schizophrenia, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, brain tumors, PTSD, epilepsy, strokes, etc. For each day, I was convinced that I had each of these, and then I got over all of them except for schizophrenia. I was still convinced that, for some reason, I had it, or I was developing it. I seriously convinced myself. I honestly believed it. I knew it was time for help. I went and saw my doctor, and explained everything and he said it was anxiety and he recommended me to a psychologist and prescribed me with an SRRI. The doctor assured me that in no way was I schizophrenic. I went and saw the psychologist and he said it was anxiety, and in no way was I schizophrenic. I also just recently saw a psychiatrist and she thinks that I do not have schizophrenia and that I have OCD, panic disorder, and a bit of depression. I kept on researching the early onset symptoms of schizophrenia, the medications of schizophrenia, videos of people with the disease, why it is developed and etc. I am still convinced that I have schizophrenia. I haven't had any hallucinations whatsoever, but I do have nightmares and vivid dreams. I have had nightmares of doctors telling me that I am schizophrenic. I used to workout 5x/week and now I do not workout at all. I feel like I am truely losing my mind. Althought it has kind of tapered off lately, I went about 3 weeks with checking every sound I heard, checking everything I saw, etc. If I saw a car pass out of the corner of my eye, I would rush to make sure it was a car and not a hallucination. If I heard a cop car flying by, I would ask my Dad if he heard that. I had a memory glitch a couple of weeks ago, and I thought to myself, oh my lord, my memory is going, I'm being schizophrenic. All I can think about lately is telling myself that I feel so stupid lately, my memory is bad lately, I am becoming schizophrenic. Now, my memory is fine, but I continue to tell myself that. Today, I was sorting through the groceries and I thought, okay, these need to go outside, and then I had an intrusive thought, saying, but what is outside? Another recent thing that I CANNOT stop thinking about along with schizophrenia to save my life, is asking myself how humans work. I always ask myself, how do humans work? What attracts us to others? How do I know who I love? What if all of this is just a hallucination? and the thoughts create so much anxiety for me. I get scared because I don't know how to answer them. I also haven't been eating lately because I fear that I might have "pica" which is where people have cravings for unusual things such as glass or feces. I also tell myself that I don't know how to do simple everyday things, even though I do know. I have thoughts telling me that I don't know how to use the restroom, that I don't know how to drive and that I don't know how to manufacture meals for myself. All of this started because of the stupid psychology class, I honestly think that I would be fine if I never learned about it. What do you think this could be guys? I'm so scared that I'm on a one way road that I can't turn around. I've felt so stupid lately and I feel like I have barely enough knowledge to get dressed properly in the morning. Like, sometimes, I will be getting gas and feel retarded like I don't know how to function. I feel like I am losing control and I have to report to college in exactly one month, and play college football.
Posted on 07/04/09, 06:07 pm