Anger Management Support Group

So after four years of downsizings and job searches, my son being diagnosed with Crohn's disease, my husband working in Ohio for a year of that time, while seeing another woman and developing a nice taste for cocaine, trying to come to terms with some or all of that is not going very well and I have hit the wall. (Not literally... although I have thrown things, broken doors off their hinges, destroyed items that I loved, and had to lock myself in the bathroom to avoid attacking my husband during an argument). I am a walking time bomb.

At one point, my husband moved out and then stopped using. I thought that letting him back in the house meant I was going to get my old life back or something. I was wrong. I wish I had just let him go. I needed more of a break than that. I can't get one at all now. He won't leave and I can't leave.

We fight. Over our son and his future, over money, over trust, over little things that would not have been argument material a long time ago. We have said a lot of hurtful things. And even when I thing we have settled things, and everything is behind us, I find myself obsessing over the lies he told me, and the fact that we are broke, in large part because of his drug habit, and because I was stupid and thought we would always be happy together.

I still get angry about the other woman and the whole situation but he acts as if I have no right to these feelings and it just makes me angrier. When we fight he tends to mock me or try to bring up things from almost 20 years ago to justify his recent behavior. He also goes through my things in an effort to "catch" me doing something, but I don't know what. I am too broke to leave with my son, and have no interest in other men. I am afraid one day he will push me too far.

Lately too the anger doesn't even need a trigger. Just waking up I am angry. If he snores, I am angry. I don't sleep well anyway and that makes it harder. I am angry at myself for being angry. It's crazy. The last two times I have snapped I really screwed up... during a visit with my nephews I lost it when my husband didn't tell me what he wanted to do that afternoon, and tonight, I fell asleep waiting on our friend to call and woke to a family drama that I let ruin my night. So instead of having our friend over, my husband and son went to his house and I am alone. I've been drinking, which I never do, trying to calm down. But I am still mad.
Posted on 10/31/09, 10:10 pm