What is Anger Management
The term anger management commonly refers to a system of psychological therapeutic techniques and exercises by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control or r...
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Fixing my last mistake
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The other day my boyfriend was at work and my daughter and I were in the kitchen working on a homemade soup while she made cupcakes. I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed trying to get all of the fresh vegetables and home made broth and chicken picked off the bone ready in time for dinner. I asked her a few times very nicely to not eat the batter. Then while I was cutting my carrots up and I caught her eating it again and I flipped out. At the same time I dropped a carrot on the floor and it really pissed me off because my floor was not clean at the time. I stabbed the knife into the cutting board four times while screaming at her not to eat the batter. After that I put the knife down terrified of my action and walked into the living room. I took deep breathes and immediately regretted my action. My near three year old sat staring at the very place I stabbed the knife, possibly starring at the knife itself, for a long time. Not moving, not talking. I asked her to come in the living room so I can try to explain to her what just happened, but she wouldn't move. So I carefully moved to her and told her I am sorry for yelling and asked her if she is okay. She was alright, but I know I just showed her something she shouldn't have ever had to see or learn. I have been regretting this moment for three days now, every waking moment I am thinking about it. I can take the image away in her head but I keep thinking, what if I had the knife on the table next to her and flipped out and she put her hand in the way of my impulsive, uncontrolled action? I would have hurt her, I could have hurt myself. I wanted to throw the knife away and try to push it all out of my head. But I knew my consequence for this action is painful guilt, and I must figure out how to deal with it. I don't have these violent fits anymore, haven't in a really long time. It was the first time ever my fit involved a very dangerous weapon being used violently in front of my child though. Really awful combination. How do I fix this?
Posted on 10/25/09, 03:10 pm |
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i am so very sorry for you and your daughter, i know how hard it is to forgive yourself when you let the anger affect your children, all you can do is focus on right now and tomorrow, just remember your daughter still loves you and use that as strength to get through the next time the anger tries to take control, sending you peace 
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I know how difficult it is for you to feel better and mend what has happened. I have done this countless times eventhough I have always believed that parents should never argue and take out their frustrations on their children...... my parents did when I was younger so I didn't want the same thing to happen to my daughter.
I did something similar the other day, in fact i did it twice over two days!!!! To reseolve my unreasonable outburst I called my daughter and partner into the living room and said "I realise I've been very grumpy and mad lately, and I am sorry. I realise its not right to take it out on you two so I going to change the way I deal with my stress from now on. I understand my behaviour is a problem and I will not do it again, but please understand that I do get stressed out from time to time, so when I ask to be left alone for a while, please let me calm down in my own time. And after I have calmed down I will be my cheerful self". The good news is my family understood and really appreciated that I acknowledged the problem in front of them. My daughter even gave me a hug because she sensed that I didn't mean to be mad all the time, and she just wanted to cheer me up and help get rid of my stress. So my advice is, that children (and adults) can tell when you are being honest with them... they can also tell when you are really sorry and genuinely want to change. I think the important thing is to let them know you want to "change" rather than "spoil the kids with sweets and fun trips" to make up for your outburst..... the reason why I am saying this is because the kids will see your anger as a type of reward i.e. "oh mummy is mad, and she's going to reward me with sweets because she feels guilty and wants me to be happy with her again". This, I believe is a confusing message. I know its the natural thing to do, but in the long term its better to teach them "its good to own up to your mistakes and make a positive change" rather than throw sweets at them because you feel guilty. **** I hope this helps ****
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I know alot of women try to do to much and want it all to go perfectly.I never had family help raising 3 sons. And that included thier father. Fustration, unappreciation ect. equals anger to me.I am passive /aggressive.. I tried not to rock the boat, but a person can only take so much. and then anger screams out. I took an assertive traininig program that did help. But now I am back to my old pass./agg. mode. So I have to go to a support group &/or counseling to try again.Communiation, Love & appreciation. We all need it.
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