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Advice:
How to deal with the rageaholic in my life
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My name is Dawna. I am the mother of a 23 year old rage addict. I am the person that the majority of websites and agencies designed to help have forgotten about.
Let me tell you about my life this past week. Which is really no different than any other week that my daughter is on a rage binge.
Three times this week I have been called after midnight, anonymously, of course. (otherwise I don't answer her calls) I have been cussed at and cussed out. Why? Because it is of course my fault that my grandchild got lice from one of their nieghbors and there was a death in her husband's family.
I have been called the "c" word, the "w" word, because, lord forbid should I have the stomach flu and not feel up to babysitting while she goes off to the fair 300 miles away for 3 days.
I have been shoved, grabbed by my shirt, and shouldered out of the way when I refused her entry to my home at 2am last night. Her reason for wanting in? She wanted the diapers I bought for the youngest grandchild.
I have called the local police. "Get a Restraining Order". Had one. This is a useless piece of paper. It has to mean the police inforce it. It has to mean the daughter respects it. Neither of those things occurred.
I have called violence shelters. They have no idea how to deal with this. They are used to dealing with the man/woman violence. Mother/Daughter violence and they are lost as I am.
I have called the Children Protective Services repeatedly. So many times in fact that the last time I was blatantly called a "troublemaker" and told that that the rages I deal with are and I quote "my problem and my fault". When I asked how it was my fault, I was told because I will go rescue my grandchildren if I hear my daughter being verbally abusive, namecalling, or verbally threatening to them. And yes, her rages reach out and touch them as well. I have witnessed it.
I have moved three times in three years. She finds me every time.
This morning as I was praying I got this name for what is with my daughter. Clear as bell, the words, rage addict came. I started looking back and saw that this was true. So I came to the internet and began researching. Three hours later, all I was able to find was help for her. I agree she needs help. I also know that she is already in counseling. But what about me? Who is going to help me help myself out the line of fire? Who is going to stop blaming me for her behavior and start at least listening to me? Who is going to help my grandbabies?
I am an honest person. So I'm telling you I am at the end of the line with the daughter. I don't like who she is or the way she treats anyone around her. I no longer care if she gets help. I do however care about my grandchildren. And I care about myself. I care about the effects of her abuse on my health. Both physically (I have a spinal cord/ brain injury, that has left me with a seizure disorder) and emotionally.
I am very open to listening to anything anyone has to say. Any advice at this point is welcomed.
What a way to introduce oneself. Dawna
Posted on 06/03/08, 10:27 am
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Advice:
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Reply #1 - 06/03/08  12:15pm
" Sounds like you got some problems... but all fixable.... you have to be 100% in your resolve on what you want... sounds like you've been turned and twisted all into confusion regarding multiple bad situations that your daughter has dealt... well it's cliche but I'd like to say, "take control". Don't take that as a mere criticism, take measures that will weed out the problem causing daughter, here's a few I could think of.
1. The father of your daughter, perhaps he has some sort of ability to control her or can influence the situation so that she's not running rampant, if not then no worries.
2. Keep company around, so there is atleast a witness to her little fits and lash outs.
3. Get a taser, don't take me short on this, I am serious, get a weapon even if it be mace or OC, spray her in the face if she gets unruly, unfortunate she threatens to harm you or your grandchildren, you are always liscensed to defend yourself by ANY MEANS necessary.
4. You've seen those tv talk shows with the kid who has the, 'I DO WHAT I WANT' attitude and walks over their parents, this isn't so much unalike, not the best comparison but get an authoritative figure who can show your daughter what could happen if she keeps treating you like that.

The main idea is TAKE CONTROL of her, yes she's your daughter and yes you "raised" her which is why people point the finger at you but this goes deeper than that and what's in someone can only be worked down in a long period of time, but who knows what she might do next?
Don't take that risk, otherwise you might as well give up now, you have the strength to take control and make the situation better, it's just going through the process of that which is the most difficult, but this scenario doesn't have to be without a happy ending. Good luck and godspeed.

-Fenrys "
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Reply #2 - 06/12/08  12:28am
" Am I the only one here who feels that your daughter is mentally ill? Most people would sensibly obey a restraining order. Good grief! If you qualify for any mental health help or can afford mental health counseling, get it! I'd say family counseling but I wouldn't want her around. Any chance you can see her counselor, too?

As for the grandchildren, if you can prove that she is abusive by state terms, then turn it over to the appropriate agency. I doubt it'll do much good. I feel for you, though. This is tough. Get us an update some time. "

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