Anger Management Support Group

Healthy adults need to be able to hint, to use, or to pretend "anger": either management or mismanagement (or both), as is appropriate. Competent teachers, law-enforcement, and other authority figures are especially skilled in anger management. Teams of such practitioners may decide beforehand or in real-time, to play "Good-Bad Cop" roles.

Courses in anger management are sometimes mandated by a legal system. Courts typically require eight to 12 hours of classes for most offenders. There are currently no national or state standards. Therefore, some people may not receive the help that they require.

Typical anger management "techniques" are the use of deep breathing and meditation as a means to relaxation. As the issue of anger varies from person to person, the treatments are designed to be personal to the individual.

Psychologists recommend a balanced approach to anger, which both controls the emotion and allows the emotion to express itself in a healthy way. Examples of which are:

* Direct, such as not beating around the bush, making behavior visible and conspicuous, using body language to indicate feelings clearly and honestly, anger directly at persons concerned.

* Honorable, such as making it apparent that there is some clear moral basis for the anger, being prepared to argue your case, never using manipulation or emotional blackmail, never abusing another person’s basic human rights, never unfairly depowering the weak or defenseless, taking responsibility for actions.

* Focii, such as sticking to the issue of concern, not bringing up irrelevant material.

* Persistent, such as repeating the expression of feeling in the argument over and over again, standing your ground.

* Courageous, such as taking calculated risks, enduring short term discomfort for long term gain, risking displeasure of some people some of the time, taking the lead, not showing fear of other’s anger, standing outside the crowd and owning up to differences, using self-protective skills.

* Passionate, such as using full power of the body to show intensity of feeling, being excited and motivated, acting dynamically and energetically, initiating change, showing fervent caring, being fiercely protective, enthusing others.

* Creative, such as thinking quickly, using more wit, spontaneously coming up with new ideas and new views on subjects.

* Forgiving, such as demonstrating a willingness to hear other people’s anger and grievances, showing an ability to wipe the slate clean once anger has been expressed.

* With regard to interpersonal anger, Dr. Fiendler recommends that people try, in the heat of an angry moment, to see if they can understand where the alleged perpetrator is coming from. Empathy is very difficult when angry, but it can make all the difference in the world. Isn't it frequently the case that when we get intensely angry at someone, the next day we feel guilty to some degree? We may say to ourselves something like, "You know, they did have a point. I sort of over-reacted." Taking the other person's point of view can be excruciating when in the throes of anger, but with practice it can become second nature.

* Try to listen carefully to what is being said to you. Anger creates a hostility filter, and often all you can hear is negatively toned.

Buddhists, on the other hand, recommend a slightly different approach. They believe that there are several antidotes for handling anger, the chief amongst them are: patience, understanding karma, equanimity, and realization of emptiness.