Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

I am 10 years younger than my husband, too. Several other on here
have ages differences as well.

My world is pretty small now. I am able to get away for an hour or so, but may come home to a mess.. so it is a gamble. But one I am willing to take for the chance to escape.

We each have to find our own way... making a life your yourself may be some small things. Attending church or a support group
meeting. A lunch with a friend always perks me up. I try to do that
every other week.

Are you able to leave your husband alone for a while ?

I am able to leave him for an hour or so at the moment in order to go to an art group, and when he is at Day Center I can meet a friend for coffee or just go out for a drive. There are support groups which I try to attend. I think I am doing all I can as you say in little ways. It's the thought of being lonely for the rest of my life that is so scary.

It is a very long road we are all walking and being on this site and seeing what we all are going through has been helpful.
You are brave to bring this up and I say brave because it seems we always worry about what other people will think of us if we step over that fine line of it not being all about the person we are careing for.
We change pissy beds, shitty pants and how will are going to survive. We are in a position of be excited because our mates made it through the day without making a mess in their pants and getting out for an hour.
I feel I am as committed as the next person. I will stick by Ken to the end I will make him as happy as I can I let him know I love him in many different ways knowing that most likley he doesn't even know it and like most even who I am some days. I keep plugging away. I cry in the shower or when I am driving down the road but when I am around him I try to make it a sunny day.
BUT, last year I made a committment to my self that I was not going down with him.This decision was not taken lightly and I worried my self sick about what other people would think .It is a well known fact that the caregiver will fade faster than the loved one you are caring for and this is what really started me reevaluating my position . I hired a trainer last April to jump start me on a exercise program I was pretty good about my eating habits but I had this need to scream, rant and rave so I started walking now running. I not only do this for help some of the jiggel but for my peace of mind. It has been my life saver.
I have a unmarried male friend that I had know for many years we go to ,movies have dinner and have a make a couple of long week end trips. I start real estate school on Jan.
I'm sure this is being unfaithful to most people and moral and ethical standards have done out the window. In my heart ,I don't feel that way.
For me I just could not watch this hateful Alzs take me along with Ken.
I have thought about spilling my guts but, never felt any of you thought about this . But, Val you sound like you are having a tough time wondering if you should be thinking about you. Hence my story. Damn I can't even write a short story.
I 'm sure you girls will think I have gone off the deep end and you can find things for your self a lot less crazy than the way I am doing it. Judy has wonderful ideas JUST do something.
Everybody has to do things their own way but not one of us should stop thinking about taking care of us and doing things for our selves. I'm not saying these decisions don't come with careful planning and guilt some days.
Well, I am on a project to fix a leak on roof we have a snow storm coming in this afternoon so I better get on it.
Hope everyone has a good day.

Like Glenda I decided long ago to NOT let Ron's AD define me.
I sometimes even feel removed from it as I find myself performing some of the care duties in a stoic manner.

I, also, look at this as a job ( a crappy job) but a job nonetheless. I figure it saves (pays) me $5000 a month. That is what a nursing home would cost here.

And, remember this won't last the rest of your life... depending on what stage your husband is currently in.

I never judge other people and appreciate those who don't judge me. Until they have walked in my shoes or me in theirs - I think
my feelings are live and let live.

You will know what you are comfortable with - don't feel guilty
about your feelings... go find something to smile about today.

Judy,
Very well put and a heck of a lot shorter than mine.
Thank You.
See if you can click on link below a friend of mine sent it over and it is so beautiful I want to pass it on.





http://link.brightcove.com/service...

I hate it as well. My husband invested all of our money with a crook, so a rest home will never be an option for us. I feel guilty as well. My husband always took really good care of me and so I feel I should do the same but it is so lonely. We had such a good marriage and I though he was so smart. Now, I look at him and wonder if he was just always stupid. I too, have to walk or run each day to relieve the stress. I also read. Another thing I have done is to get involved in a couple of TV shows that I look forward too, so that I can plan on them each week. I really like "So You Think You Can Dance", "American Idol", "The Biggest Looser", and "Amazing Race". I find that if I can involve myself with the contestants that I can almost feel the excitement for them and right now I can use a little "excitement" in my life. This is not anything I ever thought I would be living with. I think we all feel guilt at times.

I think we all have bad thoughts. I know I do. I get upset, raise my voice... they feel like crap for doing so.

I think we all feel resentment for the sad, hopeless situation we are in.

I think we all feel envy toward senior aged couples who are out and about and enjoying these years.

No one could be happy about any of this. But - it is what it is. All we can do is cope... and try to find some joy in our days and lives.

I watch some TV shows, too. Most of the same ones you do.
I, also, watch a soap .. off and on. I walk when I can and do a lot of reading. I hope to get some inside painting done this winter.
I know this won't last forever - I just hope I last longer than IT does.

Come here.. post often , it really helps to get things off your mind.
You can't say anything that we all haven't said, thought or felt.

Judy

I'm sitting here this morning begging Jim to let me help him change his clothes so he can go to day care and I can get some things done. He wet his pants last night and would take off his pants but not his underwear, so he slept in wet underwear and there was nothing I could do about it. He is soooooooo stubborn. Now, he's still refusing to change his underwear but will put on clean ones over the dirty ones and I'm about ready to let him do that lol.

Day care is a god-send. It gives me time to grocery shop and run errands and have a few hours to myself without doing the "Pee Patrol." I sometimes go out to lunch with friends, especially my granddaughter, who is in college and doesn't have much time. She doesn't like to visit here because grandpa is verbally abusive to her as well as to me.

OK, guess I better try one more time to get him cleaned up, 10 am is fast approaching. You all have a good day and hang in there.

Thanks to all who replied to Moving on from Alzheimers. I was aware that this problem must affect lot's of people in the same predicament, but no-one seemed to want to mention it.This is the problem isn't it? we feel guilty for wanting to have a life apart from the sufferer, and also feel others will Judge us, therefore we ignore the problem and hope no one will find out.It's an endless circle, trying to keep life 'normal' as possible for the sufferer, when life can never be normal for the carer.