Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

I don't know why this disease makes some people mean and not others, and from what I've seen it does not matter if they were mean or not before developing it.
My first step would be to have a good long talk with his doctor and see if there is anything he can take that will help mellow out this meaness. I know dealing with this is hard for you but it is also hard for him and he is being put in a prision in his own mind, one with walls that are continously shrinking.
Next I would look into getting some home health care (respite) so that you can get out of the home and do things like shopping or visiting friends. It may be that at this stage of his illness he will just be incapable of having family or friends over without it being to much for him but you still need those connections and the family needs to know that it is the disease causing him to act this way and not that he no longer loves them.
There are no easy answers, I sure wish you had friends who could help. I know one lady near us and her husband has a couple of old friends who stop by once a week or so and take him for a walk to get him out of the house a couple of hours and to give her a break.
Some people seem to have so much support while others of us seem to be stuck doing it on our own, doesn't seem fair on those days when it feels like the whole world is on it's side does it?

Thanks GeorgiaW, I really do have compassion for him. I know he is in a prison of his own and he had been on Prozac for about 10 years now. The doctors have increased the dosage and it seems to help except when there is ANYTHING different happening. I try to keep things calm and not have a lot of noise or activity around him. But he complains everyday about being bored, not having anything to do. He won't/can't do anything he used to like to do. All he does is complain. He used to be real good at fixing things and he still is to some degree but I can tell it's harder for him now and he gets mad at himself and whatever he is working on.
There is just so much frustration with this disease. You can't fight it and it steals your life away a little tiny bit at a time. Draging out the pain for years and years. It hurts everyone. Family - Friends...

I don't know what else to add....it is tough and very sad.

I know about that boredom. My hubby is always complaining about being bored but when I suggest things for him to do he never wants to do any of them. About the only thing he still seems to enjoy, at least most of the time, is watching a movie but he always wants to watch something he's never seen before. We don't get television reception where we live so it's netflix and they are a god send but there are still days at a time while waiting for something new to show up.
Neal used to love talk radio and he will turn it on still if he get's bored enough but it is hard for him to follow long conversations any more.
He can no longer do much of anything wihtout supervision, we live in "rural" Alaska and have built everything here by ourselves and he knows we did this and it amazes him now because he can do so little.
He usualy doesn't get mean, although he did before he started on risperdal, when things change but he does often get frightened. The meds also help that and the hallucinations he was having are gone now with the risperdal.

I know exactly what you mean, not that it helps any. My husband could fix anything and now doesn't even know which to tool to use. For a while he wouldn't let me touch his tools, but now he doesn't care. He complains that he doesn't have anything to do and we never have any company, but when they do come after an hour or so he announces that it is time for us to go home. Even our own children and grandchildren take the hint and leave even though I ask them to ignore it. He just gets more and more agitated. I think it causes too much confusion for him because he can't follow the conversation, Your friends just get tired of waiting for you and move on with their lives and you become the required visit from relatives. It gets to be a lonely life.

I flatly refuse to give my husband any Alz Rx that makes this disease drag on any longer. He gets his heart Rx and anxiety Rx. His poor mind has been in dementia prision for 13 years and it is very possible he will live another 5-6 years; why would I want to add extra years to that!! They call this "The Long Goodbye" for a reason.

It seems that he gets mean whenever he has to interact with others, especially children. I have found that if someone else calls him down on it and tells him that he is being crabby or mean he will back off. But if I bring it to his attention that his behavior is unacceptable he just digs in and stubbornly defends his actions.
I will talk to his Dr. about the Risperdal for his meanness. But frankly, Like Dels said, I too don't want to extend his years in this hell. We've been married for 39 years and the past 15 years have been difficult. He got fired from his 23 year job about 5 years ago and I've been supporting us since then. He drank heavily and was abusive and just destroyed our marriage before I could get him to quit drinking and go to the doctor. Now if this disease could drag out another 15 years because of the Rxs... I'm thinking it's not in his best interest or mine. I don't think I can last that long and then who's going to take care of him?

My father became emotionally abusive in his early stages. But I wonder if maybe your husband is simply confused and overwhelmed by too many people at once? Maybe if they only came at him one at a time, he would be able to process them better mentally. I remember seeing Dad in a crowd sometimes, and the look of confusion and insecurity just broke my heart. I think now that the movement and noise was just too much for him in those moments.

My mother was the same way, she could say some pretty mean things and in the beginning we would get hurt but eventually everyone understood that it was her AD. One day i took my children and my son in law to her house and she did not like him the moment she saw him, so she threw him out of the house... so after that whenever he would go he would hide from her...lol... my mother was never a mean person, she had a heart of gold but AD did this to her...also whenever there was a lot of people she would get very upset and scared so we basically had to stop going in large groups and we had to keep the kids quiet... she did hit the lady who would sit for her a couple of times plus like i said she would say mean very mean things at times, then she would forget and you would tell her and she said you were lying that she would never do that sort of things... like i say in time we all understood her illness even the kids understood, yes they would get hurt but we tried talking to them the best we could to help them understand what was wrong with grandma, so they kinda understood to keep away from her when she was in that kind of mood... i have a grandson who is almost 2 yrs old... by the time he was born my mother was kinda lost already, but for some reason she would always remember his name and although he didnt talk they communicated, she would calm down with him and he knew that was "wela" and he would kiss her and she would be so peaceful after that... Dealing with AD is very hard, but everyone needs to get educated on this especially those that are closest to them... Sometimes we were embarrased to things she would say to random people but they understood that my mom was not well and they reassured us that no feeling were hurt... I'm sorry to hear that things dont look so good with your husband but remind your children and family that its not him whose being mean its part of his illness and there is no way of controlling that... remind them of the love he has for them because deep down i dont even think he knows he's being mean... let alone that he's hurting anyone... May god bless you all and hang in there... enjoy the happy days... and have patience with the bad ones.... Take Care

The risperdal is not for alzhiemers, it is an anti-psychotic drug. There have been some studies done that say it does not do anything for those with AD but believe me it has been a miracle for us.
Not only was Neal having hallucinations that kept me from getting any sleep (he wasn't sleeping and things were so bizzare, at one point he thought he'd set a neighbors house on fire with his eyes). Neal was also doing these weird mood swings and getting very aggitated and angry. He would turn purple and yell and swing his arms around. When we talked to his pyschiatrist about these episodes he said he didn't think he was acting that way, he was just trying to explain something to us because he didn't think we understood what he was trying to say. He had no abiity to see what his behavior was and there was no way I could go on for long not knowing when he would act that way or where, Neal is a fairly large man and if he had one of these episodes in a pubic place, like when we were shopping he could really frighten someone.
The risperdal stopped the hallucinations and the aggressive outbursts which has made life much calmer for both of us as long as things stay "normal".
He enjoys visitors and likes to have people around him talking, IF he knows them and feels comfortable with them and IF there are only one or two besides me there. Otherwise it gets to confusing and he doesn't know what is going on and that scares him. He also goes through periods when just getting out of the house around anyone besides our daughter or myself that he is scared even if he is going to see someone he's known a long time and I never know when this will happen. My first clue is usualy when he says he doesn't want to go because he's afraid.

I have seen a couple of mentions of alzhiemers drugs prolonging their lives. That is not what our psychiatrist told me. He was very specific that the drugs had nothing to do with the life expectency of the person with AD, the disease keeps on keeping on with or without them. Their only purpose, at this point and with the drugs we have available now, is to help mask some of the symptoms of the disease and make life more tolerable for the sufferer of the disease and of course their families.
The disease keeps destroying brain cells and a point will be reached where the drugs can no longer hide what is going on but they do not slow down the progression. The latest research though is hopeful that within a few more years there will be drugs that can actualy stop the AD where it's at and there is even hope for drugs that may cure it. Depending on where my husband is, if he is still around, when the drugs that stop the disease come out I may or may not have him put on them. I do not want to stop this disease (he is only 55 now) and have him go on for many years living like a child unable to do any of the things that make life good and enjoyable. If they figure out how to reverse it, cure it then we'll talk.