Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

What a hard decission you are about to be forced to make. First let me say that none of this is easy - it is physical and emotional and it WILL suck the life out of you. When is the time to send him to a nursing home? Well that depends on you and your ability to care for him -- it depends on both of you and your safety. You do know there are some medications that can calm some of the pacing down. As far as urinating all over the place - nothing can stop that....it just is what it is. It won't be long before you can get the diapers on him and he won't really object...he won't really understand and it will be okay. Remember this is just a stage. I don't know your situation but from my experience I can tell you that if at all possible avoid the nursing homes. First of all --- they will drug him --- there isn't enough caregivers to really focus on one person so they WILL (no matter what they tell you at first) drug him. He will NOT get the same care as he will from someone that loves him. I understand if you can't do it but I am just telling you that unless it is your last option I would not do it. My Dad was in a very expensive - high end alzheimers unit - where you would think they would get the very best care --- and that is how they marketed themselves - but -- I can't tell you how many times we went in and found poop on his hands - or under his nails....they say they help feed them -- but consists of shoveling a spoonful in their mouths and most of the time the patients do not get a full meal.... it ends up on their shoes or just sitting there. There are other patients in a home and sometimes that is dangerous as some will hit or bother the other patients.... the patients fall.... sometimes no one will see them for a while.... they wander within the confines of the home and do stuff that we would never allow at home. The nursing homes paint a pretty picture for the family but they never live up to what they say. It's a shame that we can't have a place to put our loved ones where we know they will get good care - but the truth is - that just doesn't happen. My Dad spent a total of 5 months in the home -- then they over doses him -- he about died from that -- was in the hospital for 5 weeks recovering -- and then we made the decission to bring him home -- we got the necessary equiptment -- and from that moment on he was happier and we were happier and I know he got the best care he possibly could and I also know he was never dirty or hungry.

I have to disagree to a small extent with km, there are some homes where the patients do get excellent care but they are few and far between and it takes a lot of research to know if your loved one would be getting one of them.
I would never go by what they say, I'd talk to my local AD support group and find out where people have placed their loved ones and how they feel about the care they are getting.
We have a very small (6 bed) unit here in town and then another small unit attached to the hospital that both give good care but I am still planning on keeping my husband home until the end because I know I will have in home help when he gets to the stage where he has heavier care needs.
I also have the advantage of having been a nurse for twenty years and have cared for AD patients in a nursing home setting so I have a fair idea of just what I could be facing.
As km said, there is nothing you can do about the urinating, hope he'll accept diapers soon, do you think he would use something like a "texas cathater"? What that is is a sheath like a condom with tubing that goes to a bag which can be attached to his leg so if/when he urinates he will not get wet. I've never used one on someone who is mobile but they are great at bedtime.
And do talk to his doctor about the meds for the restlessness. Do you have help with your husband? I know you love him but you also have to consider your health and welfare. Statisticaly people who are caregivers for dementia patients have a much higher incidence of illness and death then do caregivers for other illnesses so please take care of yourself too.

I agree with kn.Thats why i have my mom home with me.She has ruined her bedroom from peeing all over it.I have had her in diapers for over a year put she still pulls them down and goes.I have seen people in nursing homes and they do just what she says,they don't get attention .After a while he will stop pacing to or mom has,but she is blind to.Its a hard road but i feel better knowing she is with me and that i am doing the best i can.But i also feel you know if you can do this or not and it is up to you.maudie

And I have to agree with Georgia; there ARE good facilities if you do your homework on them. We placed our dad, when we had to, in an AD special care unit. They are locked facilities(the one we chose was in a back wing off the rest of the nursing home) that have a better patient to attendant ratio. The one Dad was at encouraged the family to stay involved, and even had a support group. I think asking other families would be a big help to find one of these facilities, then, when you are considering facilities, also call your state regulatory agency, and screen your options for any complaints or abuse charges they might have.
As for when to place him, that varies from family to family. Only you can decide what you can handle, financially, physically, and emotionally. There really is no right or wrong answer.

Has anyone had any experience with Adult Family Homes where they have only 3 to 6 people at a time and specialize in memory care?

Thanks so much for your imput on nursing homes. At the moment, we are trying to get the long term care insurance going so I can keep him at home as long as possible. Some days are horrible and some are good, but with some help, I think I can keep him home. We have an aide in once a week now so I can do the grocery shopping and run errands and our sons help out quite a bit.
Again, thanks. And Km, hope your vacation with your mom went well (if you have taken it).

When I worked at a nursing home, we had a thief and a pilferer too. :-) The Alzh director did a great thing. She stocked one corner of the lounge w/ all kinds of stuff that he could 'steal' and when he took a nap..she put everything back where it belonged so he could start over. The personal items...put them in a room under lock and key.
a sentimental photo album needs hidden more than the $6.99 nic-nac, you know?
Maybe his psychiatrist can adjust his meds.
And...long term care insurance has to be applied for BEFORE there is need for it. Were you talking about some other form of financial assistance?
Also...if your husband was a vet...make sure that you contact the V.A.--- it will increase his monthly check.

hi queen

We have had long term care insurance since 1999 and he was diagnosed in March 2004. He has also begun stealing. We went shopping on Saturday and he stole a candy bar. lol
Thanks to all of you who responded. It's most appreciated.
Also, we have filled out all the questionnaires for help from the VA and are now waiting to hear from them.

I hope everything works out for you. I know it is so hard. Please keep me posted and remember you will be in my heart and prayers.

One of the seniors in the facility where my daugher works also takes things so Winter leaves little things out that it's o.k. for the lady to "steal", the cna's and house cleaning staff understand and retrieve the items so they can be put back out.
This lady also goes through the library fairly regularly looking for books wiht her name on them, she donated many books before she became so ill and now she only takes those with her name in them. As with the other items the staff wait until she's at dinner or somewhere else and haul them back to the library for her to find again.