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I take care of my 89 year old Grandma. She has dementia but, not sure exactly what kind. She doesn't visit dr's and the one time we took her the med's got her sick. She is having trouble walking or getting up. I need to get her to the bathroom but, she won't go. She's screaming, crying, & pretending she will bite me. I don't know what to do or how to help her? I know she needs ot be changed but, I tried to lift her but, of course she wasn't having that either. I'm getting so old trying to take care of her. My Mom watched her Sun, Mon, & Tuesday but, it's still not enough of a break sometimes...any ideans to make our life easier? Thanks,
Posted on 02/10/13, 02:17 pm
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Reply #1 - 02/10/13  6:57pm
" Hi Xtina,

I have been a member of this site for several years. I found it one night when I was feeling as frustrated as you do now. My husband passed away 20 months ago. He suffered from ALZ along with many other medical problems and then he fell and broke his hip and he never recovered from the surgery.
First of all, this is a good place for you to get good advice from caring and compassionate people who have had lots of similar situations. No one will judge you for saying what you think and feel or for doing what you have to do.

I don't know anything about your situation except what you have written. It sounds to me as if your grandma needs to be in a nursing home getting care that you alone cannot give her. Does your grandma have the means to pay for a nursing home? Does she have a house that could be sold or signed over to pay for her care. There are a lot of options and I'm sure someone else will respond with some advice for you. I have been away from this site for so long, there are probably a lot more answers now.
Please get some help....you cannot do this alone.
Hugs "
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Reply #2 - 02/11/13  6:15am
" Grammy is right. It sounds like your grandmother needs to be in a setting where she can get more care. Since she does not have a doctor it might be best to call for an ambulance. Hopefully they will take her to the hospital so she can be evaluated. "
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Reply #3 - 02/11/13  7:59am
" I'm going to agree with those who have already answered, and say that it sounds like your grandmother has reached the stage where it will be kinder to you (and, more importantly, to her) to turn her care over to someone else. Now, this does not mean you're letting her down in any way. If anything, it shows your love for her, and your desire for her to receive the best possible care.

If you're here in the U.S. Medicare may help pay for her care -- at least for the first few weeks. Your grandmother will need to spend at least 3 days in a hospital, which will provide a good opportunity to give her a good physical examination and find out if there is some health problem that might be making her situation worse. Then, after that 3-day qualifying stay, she can go to a skilled nursing facility. For the first 20 days, Medicare will pay for 100% of her care, including any kind of physical, occupational, or speech therapy that might benefit her. This will give you and your family time to figure out if you will be able to care for her at home with support, or if it will be best that your mother stay where she is. The facility will have someone on staff who can help you figure out your grandmother's financial situation, to see if she might be eligible for Medicaid or some other program that will help pay for her care.

Begin by speaking to your own physician, and see if he has any suggestions. Best of luck to all of you. "
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Reply #4 - 02/12/13  5:08pm
" The answers above are correct and I hope you will do this.

However, if for some reason you do not want to place her I would contact your local Hospice to see what services they may provide.

There just comes a time when we can't go it alone and it sure looks like that time is here for your family.

Good luck !

Judy "
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Reply #5 - 02/12/13  10:36pm
" I can't add anything other than ditto what all here have said...excellent advice all around. i just want you to know you are not alone, we all care and pray you find the help you need. God Bless...Sherbear2 "

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