Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

I went through that for awhile with my husband and it was embarrassing but also a bit scarey as you just never know who they are going to approach but thank god the people he talked to were so patient with him.
Most of the time we never leave the house, we live to far out to be running around but when I took him shopping he was very much like a hyper five year old, going up to total strangers and talking to them about whatever crossed his mind but he did tell them that he had alzheimers so maybe that helped and when he didn't I tried to let them know that he was not just some nut accosting them.
Eventualy this behavior worsened as he became more hyper and developed some paranoia and hallucinations and his doctor put him on risperdone/risperdal. It is an anti-psychotic med and there are some people who do not think it is helpful for people with AD, IMO and with our experience it was literaly a life saver but only after his problems progressed.
While he was at the hyper childish stage I just tried to make sure I didn't lose sight of him, espeicaly in stores where he was like a kid handling everything and bringing things to me to see while begging for me to buy them for him (remember shopping with very young children?). There were times when I think it would have been helpful for him to have a jacket with something like Support your Local Alzheimers Ass. on the back to help clue people in to why he acted like he did. I tried to be thankful that he was not doing even more bizzare things like urinating in public and to remember that he didn't know what he was doing and would have been very upset and embarrassed if he did.

I know what you mean- my husband does that too, I just step back or behind him and mouth the word ALZHEIMER’S to them and they usually get it. And if I can’t do that I just try to get smile at them, make some kind of joke like, “my husband is really just my oldest child, ha ha” or “don’t mind him he just likes to joke with people” and then move on to a new situation. I think most people have some experience with some kind of mental illness or ALZ and catch on pretty quick and if they don’t, well, isn’t that really their problem? I think so.

We stay home most of the time. My husband is still capable enough to stay by himself. But when we go in public he is silly and childlike in front of and around children. But around adults he is angry and very rude. I used to organize the local car show for the Chamber but had to quit because my husband insisted on attending and would argue with and threaten people there. Not very good for community relations! Now I go to the public community functions alone. I know some day soon I will have to find a sitter for him when I go out but fortunately for now he can stay by himself.

Val
On your feelings blog, you say you are trying to get your hubby to get a shower so you can take him to day care.
I'm going through the exact same thing as we speak. He refuses to get a shower or to even let me wash him and put on clean clothes so I can take him to day care.
What seems to work for me: I tell him I'm going without him and he has to be locked inside the house while I'm gone. I put my purse on my shoulder, get my car keys, go out, lock the doors behind me and get in the car and leave. I don't go far, just down the street and in a few minutes I return and ask is he would like to go with me. So far, he has said yes and lets me clean him up and change his clothes. Don't know how long it will work, but it may be worth a try for you.
Good luck and God bless

I can relate to this topic. My mother was admitted to a NH, dementia unit a month ago. About two years ago I would take my elderly mother shopping from time to time. She was wheelchair bound and obviously elderly so her behavior fit how she looked. I think it is more understood by the general public when people do unsocial things when they are obviously very elderly. My mother always loved jewlery. One day while shopping she talked constatntly about looking for jewlery. At this point in her disease she rarely got dressed when she was home let alone take the time to put jewlery on. When we passed the jewlery area on our way to leave the store she grabbed onto the counter and would not let go. She then began putting one piece of jewlery after the other on her lap. She took the jewlery I was putting other pieces back on the counter. I can now laugh about it, at the time it was horrid. Before long sales people and the general store manager was there. I kept looking at them with an expression of horror. All of them just nodded and gently smiled. I could not get mom to stop doing this so I told her I was leaving and she could figure out how to get home. Well, she doesnt want to be alone she let go of the counter long to get toward me. I then moved her further away from the jewlery. Had her stand up so all the jewlery would fall off of her, picked it up, gave it to the sales lady and we left. I never took her shopping again. I can see if she were not obviously in her late 80s she could have ended up in trouble for stealing. When I read others posts on this I can and remembered my experience I can see if a person was younger and did not have obvious physical problems the sales people reaction would have been different and caused a lot of problems. I tremendously feel for anyone who has this disease or cares for someone with it. I do give everyone a big hug that you are doing your best to care for your live ones. All of you are doing a wonderful thing in a very difficult situations. All I can say is I understand and I am think it is good that the general population is becoming more educated about this disease. It does bring exceptance of these kinds of behaviors. Marcia

Marcia,
You do point out something that is so true, how people react when we're out and about is different when the person with abnormal behavior is obviously elderly as opposed to how they look when they are younger.
With the elderly they just assume it is some kind of dementia while the younger people may be perceived as jerks, rude or mentaly ill. My husband is only 56 now, he was 53 when first diagnosed with AD and looked about his age but in the last couple of years he has begun to look so much older and I'm noticeing that often when he's walking he looks like an older man and does not have the firm step someone his age should have.
We rarely go out anymore, he doesn't really want to and usualy when I do take him to town with me he does not want to get out of the car, says it makes him to tired. I don't mind this in our small local area but it worries me when we go to a larger city to shop. I'm always afraid he'll get tired in the car and decide to come looking for me, he did this once and sacred the crap out of me when I got back to the car and he was gone.
So far I can also leave him home alone for short trips, I won't continue that when winter get's here and i have the wood stove going where he would have to feed it while I was gone.

I had a friend of mine print up some "business cards" that say "please excuse my mother's behavior, she has Alzheimer's Disease". That way I don't have to embarrass her, me and the person she is talking to.

I was in a doctor's waiting room years ago sitting across from a man and woman (elderly). He was all over the place, happy and talking to everyone like a small child would be. The wife was reading and frequently asked him clamly and quietly to sit. She was so patient. Eventually when she saw me watching them, she handed me this card like I described above and smiled at me. I said thank you, I knew from taking care of my dad. I thought the card was wonderful.

My mother is just overly friendly but also mixes in sexual comments which cause a very odd look on the persons face she is talking to...shock.

I also never lose sight of her. She enjoys getting out so much and I hate to have her at home alone so much. So I make time for trips and get myself mentally prepared. The cards are handy and have helped. Once people realize my mom is "ill", they relax and let her babble on.

Good luck with finding what works with your husband.

I don't take my husband anywhere anymore. Only to the Dr. or our kids homes... and then not much anymore.
No matter where we are he wants to use the bathroom. Given his
current thing about peeing in the sink - I don't know what he might
be doing in a public restroom. Plus I have caught him coming out of the Ladies Room twice. Just not worth the hassle.
Plus - it really makes people uncomfortable and doesn't do me any good either. I'm tired of explaining... tired of the sympathy looks...just tired of IT !