Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

That depends on your MIL's level of cognition. Does she have AD? How far gone with the disease is she? How competent is she to handle her daily living responsibilities?
If you do not know any or all of these things then maybe you can have her evaluated and if it is found that she does not have the ability to reasonabley take care of herself and her finances then you should work with her doctor to get a POA and take over these things for her, you may need to go to court to do this but if she is just spending money recklessly or being taken advantage of then she needs protection.

Hi Georgia, Yes she has AD. She is probably in Stage 6. She cannot handle her responsibilities. That's why my husband (her son) pays all of her bills. My husband has POA but she still has her checkbook. Do we just take it from her? How do you handle that? She still lives alone, as of right now. She's going to a new neurologist Tuesday. We're hoping he supports what we think . We've been trying to make her come live with us, to no avail. We're at a stand-off of sorts right now.

The sooner you take control of her finances the better. My mom spent $2,000 with my knowledge, then spent another $4,000 without letting me know, on home repairs. The same people who came to do the first job (while I was at work) took advantage of her, I believe it was intentional. There are a lot of unscrupulous people out there who can spot a vulnerable older person a mile away. Take away the bank cards, cheque books, credit cards. I was lucky- my mom didn't give me too much trouble. If your mother in law is more resistant- make arrangements for there to be a small limit on her credit cards and bank cards, and if possible on cheques she writes. That will at least minimize the damage while you're getting POA sorted out. Is she amenable to just having cash on her? That was another strategy we use with our mom. She has cash, but only a limited amount.

I agree with the last two posts. P.O.A. is great in some mcircumstances. but if your mom cognition is failing you may need to get guardian ship. and that one you will have to go to court to get.

I think you need to get pro active. That is a lot of money for something she apparently is not discussing with family. I am 75, taking care of 75 yr. old Alz. spouse. He could so easily be taken advantage of. Once he signed for tree removal for tree that did not need to be removed. People are so quick to take advantage of the elderly who naturally want house improvements if they can be convinced by a fast talker that they are necessary. Watch out for things like new window offers, roofing, siding etc. First why not just ask her what she was going to do with the money?

Sandy, we asked her and she 'politely' told us it was none of our business. But we found out from a friend of hers that she thought she needed it to pay bills, which she did not. My husband, her son, pays all of her bills. Anyway, we also found out a few days ago that her friend talked her into re-depositing most of the money back into her account.

I've posted this before but i think it's applicable.

I am about to give you all I've got in the knowledge arena. Understand that I am still learning. First of all, once someone has the diagnosis of Alz. they should not be signing any contracts ie POA modification. Now, that being said you will have to check with the lawyer because I'm sure things are different in every state.
I recently ended a two year court battle with my uncle over guardianship and conservatorship of my grandmom. She was diagnosed. We both had durable POAs. He abused his and took everything (money and stuff) and pretty much left her to die. Then he neglected her and she was placed with me by APS.
Now, there are many avenues you can take. You can get a medical POA ( if the lawyer deems her competent). That enables you to talk to her doctors and get her treatment. A Springing POA allows your hubby to SPRING into action should she decline to that point. A durable POA covers everything. A limited POA states what she wants you to handle.
If all the family members get along, this should be easy, but make sure you have meetings regarding decisions that are made. People can get funny when they feel left out or jilted in some way.
Keep in mind that when it comes to funeral issues, a POA doesn't hold much weight. All family members have to sign for her arrangements if there is nothing in place.
They whole thing can get rather convoluted.
The order I have says that I am in charge of everything, but I have to report yearly to social services.
Also, beware of SSI. If you are handling her SSI funds and you have not been named Representative Payee, you can be in serious legal trouble. Even as conservator, I had to be named Representative Payee to use her funds and I have to report yearly to SSI.
Lets see, have I left anything out? If no one contests it, it may be best to go for conservator and guardian, you could have the same person or different people. Of course, her constitutional rights state that she can be present at the hearings and this can make things difficult. And there's always the unsettling factor that you are petitioning the courts to deem her incompetent. She loses her right to vote and make any of her own decisions. The irony is that you are supposed to include her in decision making as much as possible.
There are even agencies that will act as conservator for a fee, of course.
In most states you have to have a Surety Bond to be a conservator, so you may want to be sure you will qualify before starting.
A final note: Between the GAL, my lawyer and grandmom's lawyer, the bills are over 30K. If you have any questions, I will help where I can. "