Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

You are right, what your husband is doing is part of his disease. He to would be horrified if he knew he took things. He has lost his sense of reasoning and truely does not know he does this.Try not to question him or aggue with him about these things. In his mind he has done nothing wrong. Here is a page from by book "Reflections For A Caregiver" that may help. It’s the Disease

There are times when we think that our loved one is saying or acting out to intentionally annoy us. Even though we know in our hearts that this is not true it is difficult sometimes to rationalize in the moment. We are more vulnerable when we are tired, stress and isolated. We take everything personally, and it hurts. It is almost like living with two other people, one being the person we remember from the past and the other one that does and says inappropriate thing. . Knowing that they have lost the ability to reason we must remember that it is not them speaking in an irrational manner it is the disease. When these moments happen we don’t need to analyze them we need to accept them.

I will strive to remember that the inappropriate thing done by my loved one are not personal, but part of the disease process.

My dad died from early onset AD. He was 59. Ironically, my mother is a Social Worker who specializes in AD and she said no matter what just validate him. If he says you took it than just agree with him. You don't want to get him agitated. If he's in his early stage, he is going to get very upset with himself b/c he cannot remember.
Now, that is easier said than done. I would watch my dad while my mom worked and he would wander out naked, or would want to leave the house. It is normal to get annoyed yourself. You need to find you a good support system. There are also day programs now that help to give caregivers a break. It's a hard job and you have to take care of you also.
Another idea I had gotten and we implemented with my dad is I went to a local printer and had business cards printed that simply said "My husband suffers from Alzheimers Disease. Please be patient" that way you don't have to embarrass him and you can let the others know what is going on. People can be rude. but if you explain to them, security shouldn't do anything

I feel the same way sometimes with my granny. She is in moderate/severe stages. I know that the things she says and does is not her fault but I still get frustrated sometimes. I just finished reading the 36 hour day her doctor reccomended it. It helped me alot. blessings gina

My mother went through this taking things from stores. I honestly don't think she knew she picked things up. And when she did, she didn't know to pay for it. Every security person that got involved was very nice about it. Luckily she kept things in her hand or pocket so I was able to check before we left a store.

Daycare, I like your idea of the business cards. I think I'd add a name and phone number though. One of my greatest fears was that Mom would get out of the house and get lost. A card around her neck would have been great.

Posh, I wish I could say your ordeal was about over...but it's not. My mother suffered for 18 years. The last 10 or so in a nursing home. This is a cruel disease. Just remember to take care of yourself through this. Even if you have to hire someone to stay with your husband, get out to the spa, or have your hair done, or whatever it is you'd like, but do things for you.

when i was meeting with the AD association, they told me to print some cards up that explained that my mom has AD, and in the chance that she does something while out in public, to give the card to the person that sees or hears anything that she may do. In the event that he is ever caughtm you have that as proof he doesnt know what he is doing. Also having him wear a bracet or necklace that says he is memory impaired and has AD is good. Just cover all the bases. Most people will understand, when you show them proof hthat it isnt him just breaking the law, but the disease. Hope this helps.

It is often hard to place exactly what stage an AD or dementia suffer is at and I know from watching my own husband that it seems like he is in different places at different times or depending on what is expected of him.
Right now he might look and sound perfectly normal to you if you stopped by for coffee. You might notice he asks the same question frequently or says the same thing several times but get him on something he knows well and he can talk quite intelligently for long periods.
Then hand him an unopend bag of dog food and ask him to feed the dogs and he's lost. Tell him to move the car and he'll be afraid and say he's not allowed to. Ask him to do almost anything and he will act like he didn't hear you, or he will sit down and when you ask why he didn't do what you asked he'll say, "you wanted me to do that now?".
This disease is very trying and it only get's worse. You need help, you need a support group of others who have gone through this too and can let you know what is "normal" and what isn't.
Remember that old but true saying. If you meet someone with Alzhiemers you've met one person with alzheimers. No two people will progress through this disease in exactly the same way and that makes it harder too, your never sure what is coming next. Be gentle with yourself and get help.

I've got a funny story about Alzh person stealing. I used to work at a nursing home that had an Alzh Unit. Oh Mr. Young, how I loved that man!! Always smiling, always conversing however he never made much sense but always always smiling. Anyway, I knew from my professional experience to just go along for the ride and not expect much when talking to him. One day, the Alzh Unit Director told me that he steals all the time. He would go in folks rooms when they weren't there and steal: books, shoes, jewelry...basically whatever he wanted. :-) When he would nap during the day, the director would go back and retrieve everything and put it all back where it belonged. She did it with such love. And they had a special shopping corner in the Alzh diningroom. The patients could use pretend money that they won at bingo,etc and purchase things from the store. That director purposely thought of that store so Mr. Young would have plenty to steal on a daily basis and then she would put it all back and they'd start over again the next day. Mr. Young had one of those walkers with a basket on it and a small seat...so if he got tired, he could sit. He really needed that walker to be stable however I never saw him use the seat part of it-- he probably forgot what it was for. Anyway, one day he walked to the front lobby which was quite a distance ...stole and END TABLE and got it back to his room without ANYONE seeing him do it. It was very strange for no one to ever be on that main hall leading to the lobby. We always wondered how he managed the walker AND the end table's journey back to the unit.

And another thing...keep some note cards in your purse for those times that he steals. When caught, just hand one to the cashier. Have it say something like, "I'm sorry my husband did that. He has Alzh Disease and would be so embarassed if he knew what he did. Please accept my apology." That way, you don't have to 'say' anything in front of your husband and you get to preserve his dignity and save your own embarassment.

I was in a doctor's office when a man was acting very active and not normal for his age. His wife kept softly telling him to sit and calm down but he continued. She smiled and handed out the cards mentioned here. It was such a nice thing. I then knew, she didn't have to say anything that would upset him yet it allowed him to be as he wanted.

My mom and I wear bracklets. My mom has AD. Recently MedicAlert took over the 'Safe Return' program from the Alzheimer's organization. MedicAlert offers a special offer/program where I pay a membership for her and me and my bracelet identified me as caregiver and lists her account number. If something happens to me, they have information on who to contact to get to the house to take care of her, since I'm the only caregiver. If she wanders, it links to me and they can find me and give information to any searches if she's lost. The bracelet is fastened in a way she cannot get it off.

I would also suggest you call your local police station and discuss. Here in my Florida town the sheriff has a Wanderer program where a deputy comes to the home, photos the person and they keep a file to help if something happens. This might help ahead of time if someone does catch him stealing.

It is not his fault. It is a disease and hard to be a caregiver. Parts of the brain that worked to stop things like stealing, swearing, etc. don't work. My mom (88 yrs old) says very inappropriate sexual things in the middle of normal conversations that shock people. I tell people ahead of time and am now thinking making up cards.

This website has a lot of supportive people and helpful ideas. I hope you find help you need.

Please dont arge with him. My father shouting and scremed at my mother and lost with it her all the time. He did not understand and did not want to either. If you can just walk away when this starts and give your self a mini treat. Just to offset the anoyance you feel. What you are going through is very upsetting for both of you. Your patience will be tested so start working on how you can work out that frustration and find ways to be good to yourself. You will need them and you definetly deserve them. Stop looking for logic in any of this , there is none . This is Alzheimers. Katie xxx