Alcoholism Support Group

Mel, I think we are saying the same thing. Thank you for your response! Thanks everyone. Truly a blessing.

i always thought 'damn they dont understand me 1 bit... little did i realize that i never understood what they went through all those years.... maybe i never will but its about giving back my love to them and respectin them as parents

There is a difference between practicing self care and putting your own recovery needs first...and being self centred and falling back into a pattern of alcoholic thinking. Sometimes the line is not so clear...and that's when I count on my sponsor and friends with good sobriety in the program to help my eyes see what I'm really seeing. I do try to lean on my higher power to help keep me grounded, too.

There was a lot of reciprocal hurt/abuse tossed back and forth between my family and me, so, I try to avoid that insecure comparing that just feeds pain. I do try to remind myself that they are sick, and that I've done the best that I can to clean my side of the street. Much of my toxic experience was purged during my fourth and fifth step...and counselling.....but because my family continues to act out in unhealthy ways, the feelings associated with it can get reactivated. I have learned how to ground myself with recovery tools, so, the choice is always mine as to how long I stay in the pain when triggered.

Tolerance, love and respect are key attitudes I try to take into any relationship. How I treat another person is about me. It's not about them or anything they might have done in the past. My behaviour and feelings are my responsibility. The other person's feelings and behaviour are their responsibility. IF I remember those basic truths, then I will be much more successful in all of my relationships, family or not.

We all needed time to adjust. In early sobriety, I wanted them to treat me better and trust me right away, but that was going to take time and patience. Their behaviour had responded to mine over the years and it wasn't going to change overnight. Just as they couldn't get pusy with me, I couldn't 'should' upon them either. But don't lock yourself away in a sober prison either. Communication is a part of that time and patience. We can't read each others mind. CM xxx

this gives me something to ponder on....thanks a million. Rosey

For me it was me with the problem not them so they dont need to understand anythink, plus my family are not bothered.

just saying,if i were die tomorrow what would my family remember about me.......that i am an alcoholic....they have seen me struggle...yeah in a since our family is as sick as we are...in a different way............i can still hear my six year old,"mama,dont drink beer,drink pop"thank you for the post......

I can't agree with this one. I don't think it's fair to friends and family members to assume that they have emotional dysfunctions because of the alcoholic in their lives. Obviously some people are enablers, but I hesitate to make a blanket statement about all of those associated with the alcoholic. I really don't think any of my friends or family members became emotionally or mentally dysfunctional because of me. In fact a few close friends told me exactly what I needed to hear, and I'm glad they did.

Nondrinker... I would like to challenge you. Go do some volunteer work in a rehab or a hospital. One where families are invited to be involved. Do it for 30 days and pay attention and with an open mind.

To all
To often what I see here is nothing but denial. The unwillingness to see the truth as it might upset the applecart of what has become a self seeking delusional world where only that individual lives. We, in that life, have effected everyone we have come in contact with. They too have suffered. They too need help in understanding. Just today I taught a class for family members. They were able to talk about their hurts. How they knew they had enabled and had taken blame for the plight of the patient. They sat with me for over 2 hrs. Talking and thank GOD left knowing they were NOT at fault and they need more as well.

There is an Alanon publication which I think speaks to role that family plays in enabling an alcoholic to stay in their addiction which can be found at this link: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forum...

When you are addicted to the alcoholic, you do get just as sick as the alcoholic him or herself. Codependency is a progressive addiction like any other. In some cases, you get sicker emotionally because you don't have an outlet for the pain and frustration, such as alcohol.