Alcoholism Support Group

No question about it. They " tolerated " me for years so I try to give back as much as possible.

With that said I have to be careful at times not to be 'overly given' so to speak.

I'm dealing with that issue right now.

Must be a reason this post appeared right now.

Thanks DT

OMG Julie!! Get outta my head will ya?? I was just writing a resentment on my sister!!! holycrap!

And I reckon the answer is "no!" DANG!!! :)

I try to be respectful, with well tended boundaries. Codependency is a crippling issue in my family of origin, along with addictions of all forms. I can't spend too much time with them at all because it is too toxic an environment for me. That doesn't mean that I can't treat them with dignity however. I do my best...but sometimes my humanity leaks through. I guess I'm still a work in progress when it comes to family.

Bato, Well said " A work in progress "

Guys- I have no idea where these questions came from. They just appeared and I can also answer a "no" HC.

I have to step back but never turn my back.

Yes Bato- I relate so well.

Great topic, Julie - one that is probably not raised as often as it should be.

My experience has been through AA's 12 Step programme.

When I went through the Steps with my sponsor I was, quite frankly, appalled at how I had treated my family and friends. My part in things was BIG. Some of my long-held beliefs were smashed at Steps4 and 5. I realised that I truly had been deluded. It was scary - but at the same time freeing to be able to see where I had gone wrong. Of course much of it was obvious but there were more subtle aspects uncovered.

I was good and ready to make amends before I got to Step 9.

I like to give extra time to my loved ones when they want me to be there. I didn't give anyone extra time or even just time when wrapped up in myself.

I also believe that giving out of guilt is not a good thing - or to "overly give" as gjm pointed out. By the time I had gone through the Steps I was ready to look the world in the eye again. As long as I live by spiritual principles I will be able to give my love, patience and tolerance in the right way.

Not only to my family but to the world at large. There is no such thing for me as spiritual perfection and I do often fail; but the most important thing is to make amends where due, learn from it and carry on toward spiritual progress.

great post. im working through this now with my parents, and my sister, for a long time i had a resentment towards my dad for never coming to see me when i was in prison... i had this dillusion he didnt care.... i was wrong he never came to see me coz it tore him apart... only now are we talking about things..
i look at my harms to others and i am horrified at the hurt i caused them... when i got sober for 6 mnoths i was always saying to my mum ' look mum, dad im sober praise me' now do i realize i was pushing them , i never gave them space to see the change in me and when they didnt see it i became resentful.

now i am giving them space to heal from the pain , we are becoming closer each day...

tomorrow me , my mum and dad n sister are going our for lunch... that would of never happened before..

I think in an odd way I feel inside--"I'm not drinking so you should be pleased with me so- get off my back or don't mess with me, I'm good!" Not all of the time but it's a pretty damned selfish feeling to have.

Being considerate, patient and thoughtful at all times is paramount.

I know it's not all about me. I just have to be aware to not fall into that alcoholic thinking! You know, old habits.....

Oh Julz I know exactly what you mean! I have several times thought "damn! I'm not drinkin, what more do you people want from me???! Get off me!"

I will be spending the day with my mom & 1 sister tomorrow...I will remember this thread!!! :)