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"Just don't drink today,it'll pass."
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It's what I've been told so many times.It does pass for that day,yet the day after and the day after that,the desire never subsides,it grows stronger until it beats me again,again and again.I know this is how I will die.I'm tired of fighting this,I'm tired of always being optimistic,tired of waiting for the day when the urge will pass,when I can awake to a new day and not curse the sunlight that shines through my bedroom blinds in the morning.
Posted on 02/24/09, 01:20 pm
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Reply #1 - 02/24/09  1:29pm
" I guess the million dollar ? would be, what steps are you taking to get to that magical place where you can open the blinds, spread your arms and just know that it is a great day?
Just not drinking today alone, never worked for me. It will not pass, if that's all you are doing. "
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Reply #2 - 02/24/09  1:33pm
" What's your longest period sober? Would you be willing to put up with (let's say) 30-45 days of crap, in order to be free?

In the end, that's how I had to look at it. I had to say to myself, no matter how bad I feel, I can deal with it for 30 days. At the end of 30, I was feeling so good that I didn't want to screw it up.

No, optimistic sayings don't go very far when you feel this way, but it really does pass.....not in one day, and not n 3 or 4, but within a few weeks.

What is a few weeks of discomfort out of a life time? Once again, this is how I looked at it. "
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Reply #3 - 02/24/09  1:41pm
" someone said in a meeting last night,if you dont like sobriety , you can refund your misery and go back out there, it helped me a lot coz i know i had a choice to go back in to that misery. i know your struggling but just stick with aa or whatever works for you. but you have to REALLY want it.

it took me a hell of a long time to really wanting it but i havent looked back since, it doesnt have to be this way for you it really doesnt.

your in my prayers "
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Reply #4 - 02/24/09  2:05pm
" I know words mean nothing when you're miserable. But I had 45 days recently, the longest I've gone since "realizing" I am alcoholic last year...I went back out this weekend and it SUX! The grass is greener on the other side, you'll find that to be true.

I felt fantastic during those meager 45 days!!! For once in about 13 or 14 years, I felt good upon waking up in the morning....I miss it & will fight tooth and nail to get it back.

I'm so sorry that you're hurting so PP...

BTW..for grumpy who seems to be questioning me a lot lately...I have "realizing" in quotations because I NOW realize that I did NOT "realize" this last year....I think I just did! I believe with all my heart that I am no doubt 100% certain that I am powerless. "
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Reply #5 - 02/24/09  2:16pm
" PP- Drink when you want but don't give up. Your breakthrough WILL COME! "
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Reply #6 - 02/24/09  2:21pm
" I am drinking @the moment.I am drunk.I am ashamed.#1,I"m not looking for a magic place,I just want to get through another day.#2 my longest sober period has been about 4months.#3,someone always told me something or the other too.Holycrp,I'm drorwing.I'm scared to death! "
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Reply #7 - 02/24/09  2:25pm
" (((((((((((Pacificprincess)))))))))))) "
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Reply #8 - 02/24/09  2:39pm
" Oh sweetheart I wish I had some magic answer for you, but I don't. I want you to be okay..... :(

Just not drinkin didn't work for me, I believe in the steps & I've gotta do 'em. I didn't think so at first, took a lot to make me a believer...please be good to you. "
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Reply #9 - 02/24/09  2:47pm
" You've got hands surrounding you ready to take yours, PP. Don't give up. It only seems hopeless right now because you've been drinking. It never feels better it only feels worse. When we're desperate it's time to do something different because what we were doing before obviously wasn't working. Make a different choice as to how you want to be sober. Love and blessings to you "
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Reply #10 - 02/24/09  3:19pm
" sweetheart, this was my very first thread. terridasilva sent it to me si i can remember how it was and the way it is today. i never thought i could go 24 hours without a drink or drug but here i am 1 year later. recovery is worth fighting for. what has helped me in the face of adversity is just this one thought: sobriety has to be enough.

don't expect perfect life, it doesn't exist. people die, relationships break up, lost jobs, homelessness and the list goes on and on.

recovery on its own MUST be enough. anyway, here is what i wrote on my first thread.

Subject: your first thread !!!

"do you remember feeling this way? The pain and torture we put ourselves through.... You have grown so much, you need to take a hard look at your growth and be proud of yourself. I am proud of you. from terri"

from me:

"tomorrow i will be begging a ride to a hospital for indigents.i,of course, have had pearls of wisdom to you all that i saw fit to share. unfortunately, i was full of shit and i hope to God i did not kill anyone with my arrogance.

i no longer feel i am going to survive this this juncture in my life i just want it all to be over. there has not been a time in my life when i fit in. i have never been happy. nor simply content.i hate this world in which i exist. i hate it and those of you who praise life to the heavens i cannot conceive of such a thing.

i am dying. and i feel as if that was the purpose all along.

for those with hopes,dreams and a future-carry on.

maybe next life for pretty to think so..." devon "

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