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Discussion:
9th step
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I was glad to see the 8th step post when I logged on...I read it and some of it helped but I am struggling with doing the last of my 8th step...they are ones left over from my first time through the steps, the "hard" ones....the people I am not that close to....

My sponsor is getting frusterated with me and I know I must do these last few but I get anxious just thinking about them...I need to call these people to set up meetings and I think that is the scariest part...I dont talk to them often so it's aquward...

I have been making a lot of excuses as to why its not the right time, I know I have to do this...I am just an introverted and a shy person...
Posted on 12/09/12, 07:24 pm
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Reply #1 - 12/09/12  7:42pm
" Remain willing. Pray daily for guidance. Don't let it stress you out. Better to get it done and over with, though, than having it weigh on your mind. "
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Reply #2 - 12/09/12  7:55pm
" It really isnt easy, often the most significant things aren't, but the amends that are the ones that are most difficult are the ones that will truly set you free. In my experience until we do them we are still tied into our past rather than committed to a spiritual future.

I had one amend that I refused to make. I told my sponsor I would never make it. She was afraid for me but could do nothing to force me, it wasn't her place. I left the amend for 2 years and in that time I was sober but something wasn't right, I was still carrying a weight related to the person and things that had happened.

One day I surprised even myself by asking my sponsor if we could take a detour on a journey we were making so I could go and see the person. We did and I made the amend. My sponsor tells me that when I got back from making it I was a totally different person. I looked and sounded like a weight had been lifted even though I hadn't really been aware of that weight. That last amend from my step 8 apart from living amends that I still make changed my relationship with myself, my view of and conduct in my relations with other people and aspects of my behaviour. All my amends contributed to the process but I couldn't get the results until I did them all (half measures availed us nothing). I couldn't have a spiritual experience and be free without completing the process, I couldn't fully experience the step 9 promises.

IMO there are great risks to not completing the process and huge huge rewards of doing it. Thinking of it that way may help you to overcome the anxiety. Hope so! "
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Reply #3 - 12/09/12  8:54pm
" I'm so thankful for a sponsor who guided me through 8 and 9. My sponsor, who has 29 years sober, urged me to put them all on paper. When we discussed my 8th, there were some that she didnt think I needed to make amends to, and others where I'd do harm if I tried.
Finally, she said as long as I was *willing* that was what I needed in the cases where it might harm others to make that amends.
I also heard a speaker recently who said that there were some amends that took her 10+ years. If she'd waited until she could make all the amends, she would have been stuck on 9 forever.
Anyway, talk to your sponsor. Do a gut check. And unless there is a reason to delay, or she wants you to delay, then don't. The delay is what causes agony. The amends are scary but they == relief in my experience. And all of them except one, went better than I had hoped. "
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Reply #4 - 12/10/12  6:58am
" You've done some already, so you know how to do them! And of course it's going to be awkward - I can't think of one amend where it wasn't - even to family and friends. But I understand the "hard" ones. I had a few already and to be honest they weren't as "hard" as I thought they were going to be. Most people are just happy that I am sober and free. The sooner you do them, the less they will weigh on you (isn't that the point??)

And if it makes you feel any better, I am shy as well. You know that guy that strikes up a conversation in the check out line? That will never be me...ha ha. I need to feel comfortable before opening up (meetings excepted). But with prayer, and the knowledge in what I am doing will free me more, makes me stronger, makes me more useful to the new man I work with...this gets me in that chair and facing that person across the table.

You can do it - just do it quickly and get it over with. You'll look back and wonder why it took you so long..ha ha... Good Luck!!!. "
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Reply #5 - 12/10/12  7:23am
" I dithered too - but my sponsor helped me to realise that what held me back was pride and projection of the outcome.

If this is true for you, I got over this by realising that the outcome does not matter - their reaction is theirs to own, the point is to clear my side of the street. I do this by owning and saying aloud what I did so they know that I realise the exact nature of my wrongs and I prove my regret by taking further action - i.e. pay the money back (even if all I can manage is small regular instalments), be more helpful, be more considerate, whatever is appropriate in a direct amend.

This is a real exercise in the powerful healing that showing true humility can bring. The harder for you, the greater the spiritual reward.

This is not a one time exercise for me, I do it as soon as it is necessary if I want to find any serenity. One things for sure, it's not something I want to do or look forward to, but that might be my next drink I'm carrying round with me so I have to learn to relieve myself of the burden as soon as possible. "
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Reply #6 - 12/10/12  9:20am
" It sure needs a sponsor's guidance on this one. "
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Reply #7 - 12/10/12  7:18pm
" keep praying for willingness...that is still step 8...step nine not involved here..... "
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Reply #8 - 12/10/12  9:53pm
" Thank you all so much for the advise! I am going to make one of the calls to set up a meeting tomorrow...I'm sure it will go fine, I just get all caught up in my thinking too much instead of doing.

Oh I ment for that to say 9th step in my post, but I think you all got that :)

Again thanks for all the awesome advise!! And it's really good to see some if the same people here as when I came here to get sober several years ago :) you all are the best! "

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