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Discussion:
One week sober
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One week sober, I'm edgy and not much fun to be around but I'm sober. That's all that counts to me.

I've tried explaining to my partner and my mum that recovery is my top priority but I find myself feeling resentful at their reactions. This is on the back of them criticising my drinking for a long time.

My mum said it's good that Im going to AA but won't make a trip up to see me at all. I live 40 minutes away, I'm jobless and surviving off a shoe string so I can't drive to her. In the two years I've lived here she has visited me on a handful of occasions at my request.I was pretty hurt when she said she wouldn't come because it might rain . . .??? I was a bit confused by that one. She said she'd post my post to me. What I would have liked was to have gone for a coffee with my mum and had a chat. I guess it won't happen though unless I could get down to see her.

Now that I'm sober I'm seeing a pattern in a lot of my relationships with people that they are very one sided, I was the one visiting, telephoning, driving to them, trying to make it work. The drink compensated for the feelings of emotional emptiness I had in some ways.

I've found my meetings at AA really helpful to be surrounded by so much love and compassion, to feel that people aren't judging me and are really listening to me. It has made becoming sober a reality for me. I thank my stars for them.

One day at a time but sober is the way forward even if it means experiencing this resentment.

Did anyone else feel this way getting sober?x
Posted on 06/28/12, 08:21 am
14 Replies | Most Recent Add Your Reply
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Reply #1 - 06/28/12  9:00am
" Time. This all takes time. Don't feel like you've got to have all the answers right now. Stick with AA, get a sponsor, put one foot in front of the other and keep doing the next right thing. Keep the focus on your recovery and try not to worry about what everyone else is doing or not doing around you. "
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Reply #2 - 06/28/12  9:03am
" The truth is one week doesnot make you sober. One week barely makes you detoxed you are someone to avoid. For family and friends you are danger. The best predictor for future behaviour is past behaviour. Unless you prove your willingness to change the way you think and live I wouldnt expect to many welcome homes. Continue your AA get a sponsor, work the steps apply them to how you live your life.Get a spiritual contact with your higher power and come to the realization that your very best thinking got you where you are. Follow someone elses direction,( your sponsor) your thinking is terrible. "
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Reply #3 - 06/28/12  10:15am
" You said it in your first sentence -- you are edgy.

So don't over think your relationships. Not the time to dissect them when your nerves are raw with new found sobriety.

BTW -- at this point it is entirely possible that no matter what your mum or partner does you will feel resentful. I kept at arms length from people for the first week or two -- they could not do anything right and they were in danger of getting their heads bit off by me.

Congrats on a week sober! It is a whole new world -- I think it is a great one, but it takes a bit of time to adjust.

Keep going! "
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Reply #4 - 06/28/12  12:04pm
" Hello dreamchimes,

Keep doing what you are doing and don’t let anything or anyone divert you from your quest for sobriety. People like your mum and your partner who do not have the same problem that you have will not really understand how important this is to you and they will have little idea of how hard it is. That is why it is important to do it for yourself and to do whatever it takes.

AA gives you a great opportunity to develop a new support system. Your first port of call when you need support can be some other members so get telephone numbers from a few of them and use those numbers if you need help. You will not be making a nuisance of yourself by making that call but can in fact be helping the other person as much as they are helping you.

The next thing to do is to get yourself a sponsor and start to take action that will change how you view other people and the world around you. The trouble with putting your reliance on other people is that no matter how good or sincere they may be, people are human and they will let you down at times. In the past, this sort of setback would be a good reason for drinking and feeling sorry for yourself but now you have an opportunity to develop a new coping mechanism. This means learning to put your trust in some sort of a higher power and learning to put your faith in your ability to follow a programme that has been proven to work. Learning about how to deal with resentment is an important component of that programme and the rewards are huge.

As with many things in life relationships should have a good balance between giving and taking but this balance is often tilted to one side or the other. Some people feel the need to go out of their way to please others in order to feel loved or wanted; other people will not be happy unless they are totally dependent on someone else. The flip side of the coin is that there are people who constantly demand that others do their bidding and they feel a need to control those around them. Neither position is healthy and the way to get peace of mind is to find the right balance.

You are at the start of a journey which offers you endless possibilities so keep with it and don’t worry too much about what other people say or think. "
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Reply #5 - 06/28/12  12:17pm
" Yep. Keep at it, it gets better. Worse sometimes, but better in the long run :o) "
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Reply #6 - 06/28/12  1:07pm
" Step 4 in the AA program is a lot about resentments as many alcoholics have them and need to look at them in sobriety.

Concentrate on what you are doing and try not to focus too much on what other people are doing or not doing. There will be plenty of time to deal with your relationships later on. For now concentrate on the basics of recovery - getting to meetings and finding a sponsor. "
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Reply #7 - 06/28/12  1:15pm
" Hi and good for you on one week! I felt nuts, in hindsight, for my first few months of sobriety. Gradually it gets better, or did for me. I found myself angry, resentful, blaming. I also found myself super emotional in general. Its evened out now at 15 months.
And I agree with Greg, one week is a great start but you need more time to get footing. You can do it. Get a sponsor, get into the program, work the steps. And slowly but surely more will be revealed. "
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Reply #8 - 06/28/12  1:47pm
" You'll probably have alot of ups and downs for awhile and that's normal. Focus on recovery and let that other stuff rest for now. "
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Reply #9 - 06/28/12  3:43pm
" Congrats on your week of sobriety. Perhaps your family is just a bit skepticle at this point that you will keep it up. Prove them wrong. "
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Reply #10 - 06/28/12  4:20pm
" well done on a week sober every thing the others have said is so true. ood luck x "

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