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Discussion:
Never been to AA but want a sponsor?
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I've never been to AA and to be quiet honest, I probably won't go for a long time. But I was wondering how sponsors worked. I have this friend who is trying her best to be like a sponcer to me but she has alot going on and isn't very comfortable with her sobriety. Is it a good idea to keep her since I trust her? I have major trust issues and I don't like talking to new people about my problems. But at the dame time, I'm scared I'll make my friend stumble if I talk to her about drinking. Idk what to do :(
Maybe I should just keep dealing with this alone..
Posted on 03/29/12, 04:50 pm
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Reply #1 - 03/29/12  5:27pm
" Can you define what you mean by "sponsor" ?


Getting and staying sober is a lot of work and no one can create the inside job for us that is so important in sobriety.

To be honest with you, I'm not sure that it is fair to make just one person a designated listener - without a program to also help you grow. But that would depend on how much you rely on this friend to help you, I guess. "
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Reply #2 - 03/29/12  6:00pm
" I am just going to point out that AA is a WE program...and doing it alone is never a suggestion to anyone who is wanting sobriety in AA...as for your friend and stuff...I am not convinced it is anything that will heal either of your drinking problems....if neither of you know how to give up your will and allow a higher power greater than you make your life sober then your screwed.... "
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Reply #3 - 03/29/12  6:37pm
" A sponsors primary role is to take someone through the 12 step program. "
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Reply #4 - 03/29/12  6:44pm
" Hello ybother55,

It is good to have a network of people that you can call on for support or help but that is not the same as having a sponsor.

The problem with coming to rely on another person is that people are human and will not always live up to your expectations. That is why it is so important for you to get some sort of programme such as the AA Twelve Steps and the main purpose of a sponsor would be to help you with the steps. In that way you can learn to put your trust in a set of proven principles that will work for you under all conditions and to put your faith in a Higher Power.

Whatever you do I would urge you not to keep trying to deal with it alone. Experience has shown that people who are in your situation usually need help if they are to turn their lives around. The hardest part is to admit that you can’t do it alone and that you need help. We worry about what our friends, family etc. will think and say and we struggle along, hoping for some sort of miracle. Unfortunately, not only does the miracle not come along but the drinking and the misery actually get much worse. You can save yourself from that torture but you need to do the difficult thing and reach out for help. I know from my own experience that thinking about it was a hundred times worse than actually going along to an AA meeting.

AA would certainly help you but it is not your only option. Why not talk to your doctor and get an appointment with an alcohol counsellor. In that way you can explore the different options that are available to you. I know it would be hard to talk to your parents about this but whatever you may think I am sure that they would want to help and support you. "
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Reply #5 - 03/31/12  1:19pm
" A sick mind cannot heal a sick mind....

As an alcholic myself - I didn't need a "like a sponsor", I need the real deal - someone whom has recovered and can show me how they stay sober and worked the 12 Steps.

When I was ready to admit that booze has kicked my butt and sick and tired of being sick and tired - I got over being scared of AA. "
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Reply #6 - 03/31/12  3:24pm
" Well congrats for you "
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Reply #7 - 03/31/12  8:38pm
" Not only does AA stand for Alcoholics Anonymous - it also stands for Attitude Adjustment.

Sobriety requires an attitude adjustment - I just thought I'd point that out. "
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Reply #8 - 04/01/12  6:23pm
" Dude this is a case of the blind leading the blind. I am sure your friend is well intentioned but she is putting both of you at risk.

A sponsor in AA is someone who takes you through the 12 step program. If you do what you are told, then you will have a spiritual awakening - then if you continue to live by spiritual principles you can stay sober for good...... but you have to go to AA - if you want a sponsor why don't you go to AA and find one?

PM me if you want to.

Lyn "
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Reply #9 - 04/01/12  6:58pm
" I was wondering what that remark was for on number six? kinda confused me.

Anyway, do you have to have a sponsor? What if you go to aa and all but can't you work the steps yourself? Asking questions whenever you need to? I thought a sponsor was not only to help with steps but somewhere there who has alot of sobriety and knowledge and understanding that you can go to and talk to whenever you need outside of aa to help with all the issues that come up with in recovery etc.

I'd like to get one but haven't found one yet. I just got to be able to get to meetings again recently but so far it's only once per week. I'm hoping to get more numbers for more rides eventually. Anyway, this isn't about me really, sorry. I believe also that the biggest help IS going to the meetings. That's where the true healing and support comes from. I couldn't talk at first and you don't have to.

I had big time trust issues and didn't think anyone would understand me. I was afraid to talk because I knew I would cry but it was absolutely impossible for me to cry in front of people. What I found in AA in the past went I went more, was that nobody is out to hurt you. And they do understand and they do care.

It makes you feel so much less alone in your struggle and even if you dont' talk, you will hear everyone else talk about their experience, strength, and hope and I always felt better after going, even if I had to force myself to begin with. Eventually little by little I was able to talk as well. And I EVEN CRIED, which I thought was impossible. And you know what? It was ok. I got easier. Best wishes to you and hugs. "

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