What is Alcoholism
Alcoholism is a powerful craving for alcohol which often results in the compulsive consumption of alcohol, an addiction. The cause of this craving is heavily debated, but the most ...
Join Now
|
help
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hi everybody... i am stuggling so bad today. It all started with facebook, of all places haha but i came into contact with some childhood friends. It was nice to say hi... but when it came down to asking questions about where i have been in life... my accomplishments, education, travelling and such... i got an overwhelming sense of despair. All my old friends, married, successful, everything i want in life and then theres me.... have my high school upgrading... wow... at 29 years old..i have four kids..been mostly a low income single mom... been with an asshole for the past 11 years...who doesnt want to marry me... success?? It doesnt feel like it. How can i explain to someone that since i've been thirteen, my life consisted of drinking and darkness.... that just to be alive was a stuggle... with the depression and alcoholism... that its only been two years since i've actually started to enjoy life. I am sober... but it feels like f all... i feel ashamed of myself... that i've let life pass me by for so long... what do i have to show??? A lonely, isolated life.. sober, yea, happy not so much... at first i felt like i was on the top of the world... that i could accomplish my goals... to pursue a higher living... but today it feels like i am at the bottom again. Honestly, i almost feel like going out to get drunk... just to have something in my life to work on again. I know thats messed up. I miss the enthusiasm i had when i first sobered up... now i just feel blah...hurt, lonely, sad, dreary, scared, alone, unheard, desperate........ please pray for me to get to a meeting and seek help...
Posted on 10/30/09, 06:10 pm |
| 8 Replies | Add Your Advice |
| View More Posts Ignore |
hey mama, I know exactly how ya feel! I just joined facebook recently under pressure and I felt exactly the same when I saw everyone smiling & happy in their family photos. Just because they're smilin in the pic, don't mean they're floatin on a cloud.....everyone has issues so don't think for a second that they are better than you!
I told people who asked that I am a recovering alcoholic and you'd be surprised at how supportive & positive the responses were. They are NO BETTER THAN YOU woman! Dont' beat yourself up like that, you had a problem and you're doing something about it...hence the word "recover". Be proud of it & hold your head high, you have 4 beautiful children who love you! :) 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
OK now that you vented & got that out of the way get out of the self-pity mode & get to that meeting.
As we say " this to shall pass " Just a suggestion think back what it took to get those 2 years & feel grateful what a "gift" it is. I'm sure your kids are grateful mom is a better mom since you have been sober.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
On Facebook, you have a bunch of people showing their best side. It's like doing a resume for the general public. There's nothing to be ashamed of, because you now have your act together in life.
I see from your profile description that you have "four beautiful, healthy children" (those are your words). Raising them is a full time job and a success story too. Just live your life, enjoy your sobriety and take care of those kids. No one will question you, and if they do, who cares?
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'm kinda with gim confused, except this. Your 29! The race ain't over it's just starting! Go out and get those things you want!
Congrats on the two years, but the jouney has just begun!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'm a single low icome mom also of 3 beautiful kids. First of all don't compare yourself to others. As stated previously, everyone has their own lives and problems and they probably aren't putting theirs out there. Don't linger on what you did in the past but think about what you want to do in the future. Working and taking care of 4 kids is an accomplishment in itself. I used to get really upset because the one thing everybody had to say about me was that I was a great mom. I thought that was nice but was that all I was. What about my own separate identity? I finally accepted it as the highest of cpmpliments after some rough times the last couple of years.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Golly I know too how you feel. Today I was looking at a highschool friend's fireplace which was behind a picture of her perfectly behaved child, and thought "Damn they have much better fireplace than me....it is granite, mine is damn ugly and wtf what are they doing in their life to afford such a nice fireplace...."
Hilarious! You wanna know the truth? I took all the best pics of me and put them up. You think I am going to put a close up of me scrunching my face looking like an old lady? Or angles that show my fat ass? Nope. ANd do you think I am going to say I have been drinking for 20 years? Nope. I put up how I recently was completing my doctorate in California and moved to Utah to have my 2 beautiful perfect children....now getting licensed in counseling again and back in school BLAH BLAH BLAH totally utterly slanted. I am not lying, but I am ommitting much of it. To an outsider, I have succeeded probably-LOL I have been in countless rehabs and dropped out of that doctoral program because I was too drunk to continue..... It is such BS-live your life mama-you are freakin amazing women in your own right.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
KK makes a good point. I have a friend in AA who says "Don't compare your insides to their outsides"
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hey There, It might not mean much but by youre sharing how youre felling has helped me greatly today. I have been feeling exactly like you have the last couple days, only im 51! Ive been sober for 18 months with the help of my higher power and my meetings, but have been thinking things are never gonna get better ( i wont go into my problems, prob. not much different than yours in a lot of ways) I say "when are the promises gonna work for me?" But when I sit and really think about it, what Ive gained in sobriety is worth much more than money or success. I have got my relationship with my daughter back. I have good friends, a roof over my head, and a spirituality that I never had before. I thought when I got sober everything would fall into place, everyone (employers) would see how great a worker I would be, life would be a bed of roses! But thats not what happened. But we cant give up. Sometimes quickly sometimes slowly...If we just keep putting one foot in front of another, keeping our side of the street clean, stay sober, and trust in our higher power I do believe things will all work out. This might not have helped you, but you have helped me and I thank you. Hug those kids for me.
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Advice |
