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How to help my girlfriend with a drinking problem
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I'm about to loose someone I love.

A big part of our problem is her drinking. To be brief; She does not drink every day, but when she does, she does to extreme (to almost pass out). We can go out for drinks and she is fun, until I want to go (after hours of drinking and me compromising, staying longer than I want). She doesn't want to stop, then she becomes very angry and mean (normally she is a sweet person).

She will often go back out after I take her home, DRIVING DRUNK.

She feels she does nothing wrong and does not have a drinking problem. She makes comparisons to others who start everyday with a beer.

But aren't there many forms of drinking problems (or alcoholism)? Even with this brief discrption; isn't there an obvious problem?

When I try to talk to her about it, she is defensive and stuborn (to the point she will break up with me over this). I love her too much to let her go, but the fighting and worry is hurting me. I want to help her, and save us.

Posted on 08/25/09, 03:14 pm
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Reply #1 - 08/25/09  7:08pm
" welcome. It does sound pretty serious and of course denial is always an issue. HAve you considered attending Ala-non groups -

Peace to you. "
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Reply #2 - 08/26/09  6:31am
" If your girlfriend is an alcoholic (as I understand that term) she continues to want to drink long after you because she has a physical craving that is completely beyond her control.

If she makes you promises not to get drunk, she almost certainly means it with all her heart, yet once she takes that first one, she is compelled to continue to drink, no matter how sincere she had been at the time she made the promise.

Again, if your girlfriend is an alcoholic (as I understand that term), she will not be able to get her drinking under control using willpower. This was the situation in which I found myself 15 years ago and the only solution that I found, that worked for me, was the 12 step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Sadly, there is nothing that you can do to hasten the end of your girlfriend's drinking. The most important thing is that you do not enable her to continue to drink. Alcoholism is a fatal disease when left untreated and therefore you will need to love her enough to let her go and be tough with her.

The experts on this are the people that you would meet in Alanon family groups. There they will show you how your response to her girlfriends drinking may not be helpful to either of you and they will be able to demonstrate the best way of handling things with your girlfriend. If you love her that much, go to Alanon and support her in any moves she makes towards recovery.

Alcoholics are people who think that once day they will enjoy and control their drinking, this is a delusion that will need to be smashed, and that may take some time.

Whatever you do, do not sacrifice your life or happiness because it will not help her or you in any way.

I hope that you can get the help that you need and that your girlfriend realises what she is dealing with soon. "
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Reply #3 - 08/31/09  1:40am
" You can start by hitting an alanon meeting, the thing is you can't help anyone unless they want the help, but you can take care of yourself. Alcoholism destroys everything including relationships, all things worthwile in life are affected by alcoholism. If she is open to it she needs to contact your local AA central office. "
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Reply #4 - 08/31/09  1:41am
" by the way you are not letting her go, alcohol already took her. "
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Reply #5 - 08/31/09  2:48am
" Sounds like my ex-girlfriend. Our drinking destroyed it all. "
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Reply #6 - 08/31/09  10:26am
" Thank you for the input. I have a better understanding of the situation. I found a local Ala-non group and I'm going this Wed evening.
In the meantime, I have avoided (even refused) to drink with her.
It took most of last week to get back to her "normal" self and she DID NOT drink this weekend. However she is taking Xanex more heavily than usuall. "
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Reply #7 - 09/07/09  3:16pm
" Dear Star,

This is another sign of addiction. It is called "Changing seats on the Titanic and expecting a different result." Benzo's have the same effect as booze.

The only thing you can do is educate yourself. Maybe she will realize how serious you are when she sees you going to Al-Anon. All the other stuff does nothing but pospone the inevitable. She has to decide when to quit. The only thing you can decide is when to get off the rollercoaster.

Wayne- "
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Reply #8 - 09/11/09  6:51pm
" I am very sorry for your situation. I was in a very similar one with my ex wife. Sadly you can't control it, you can only educate yourself, hope she turns around someday, or move on. "

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