Alcoholism Support Group

It helps to let an alcoholic suffer the full consequences of their actions, and not rescue them or soften it up for them. Perhaps you being there is giving him a sense of support to keep drinking? I don't know, just a thought. I'm an alcoholic, and I know how sneaky we get. Don't go by what he says he wants to do, go by what he does. If he's still drinking, that's what he wants. good luck.

'Interventions' aren't as big over here (UK) as they are in the US.

The best interventions I got were people turning their backs and leaving me to work it out for myself. Until then I was too good at making promises, turning on the crocodile tears and tugging heart strings. You could say I'd been learning how to do this all my drinking life.

I know from experience today it's painful to watch.

Alanon.

Hello RoxxyRaptor,

I don’t know about doing an intervention but you can start by going to Al-Anon where you can draw on the experience of other people who have faced the same problem.

It looks to me as if your guy is not serious about quitting. Going to rehab will probably not get him sober but AA will, if sobriety is what he really wants. Is he just going along with some of your suggestions in order to get you off his back so that he can keep drinking? He needs to want sobriety for himself. Unfortunately, the urge to drink that an alcoholic has can be so strong that love will make little difference. You need to look after yourself.

Buy a copy of the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) or read it for free online.

The only thing that worked for me was my wife saying "Get your act together or leave". In retrospect I wish she had said it a couple of years earlier. But that was the kick in the ass that I needed to walk through the doors.

To translate that to you, it would be, "have a plan B and be mentally prepared to use it". I too suggest getting some direct support from ALANON

I understand what it is like to date/live with a bf who drinks every single day. Mine would fall asleep around 8 p.m., if we got home then, and wake up around 5 a.m., and start with a beer! He rarely ate anything until dinner - sometimes I could get some breakfast in him.

It will take your personality - if no one knows, your friends will notice your flat response to everything. I got very angry and came out swinging toward the end! Not physically, just told him he was killing himself, etc.

Al-Anon sounds like a great support system.

Take good care

wow, thanks for all this info. But it almost sounds like everyone so far is saying give up on him. I know I can make stupid mistakes now i'm just not sure which way is up. its all so confusing and complicated and it hurts to think there's no hope. And I already needed the depression support group for myself. OMG.

Just don't coddle too much! I was in the other position. Getting angry or pushing is the worse thing in my opinion. Hang tight, and get some help Alanon

Roxxy,
it isn't giving up...it is the fact that you can't change him, cure him or control him. He has to want it, and do it. If love was enough, most people wouldn't be alcoholics...it is just the way it is.
Don't make threats you won't keep, set your boundaries and keep heathly in your own life and activities. Your life and what you choose is up to you, and you can't choose for others in their life.

I am very fortunate to still have my faithful wife.

I have been drinking since I was 13 and in a very alcoholic manner for ten yrs.

My wife first started with berating me, finding my hidden bottles, etc.I would promise not to drink and then, after a few days or weeks, start again.

My wife joined Al-anon and learned that only I could stop drinking,
nor for her, or the kids, or anyone else, only for myself. She then started to build her own life, friends, and the gym, and other activities. Eventually, I wanted to return to a trusting loving relationship and got serious about getting sober.

Love does help but you need your own life. Hope you find it.