What is Ages 9-11 Tweens
Preteen is a person between nine and twelve (but this age could sometimes extend up to the age of 15) before that person becomes a teenager. It is a relatively recent term used to ...
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HELP-11 yr old daughter wet bed
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I am so upset right now - NOT at my daughter, but at myself... My smart, healthy, sweet little girl just wet her bed for the first time in over 8 years. I have a new baby (8 weeks on Monday) and divorced from her dad (he is 3 hours away and she sees him regularly). The divorce is nothing new... We have been apart since before she could walk and living in a different city for over 3 year. I feel like I am being too hard on her or causing her stress. She is always so good, but DOES NOT listen, which often gets her in trouble. We don't actually do anything but express our disappointment and threaten grounding or a reduction in her weekly allowance. i.e. She will leave 13 lights on in the morning when she leaves for school after being reminded to turn them off all the time. She put dirty dishes away after being told to do her chores (dishes) 3 X last night (there were only a few dishes be done, so it isn't like I am asking much and we give her $5.00 per week, which I think is a great allowance. I asked her what is wrong and she says she feels stressed out and that she is not doing "good enough." She also said she misses her dad. My husband's parents came in from NY this weekend, which is normally his weekend, so she asked him to stay here this weekend because she enjoys seeing them. She really wants to learn to use a sewing machine, so that is on the agenda tomorrow - going to buy her a sewing machine. I own my own business, so I am always home before and after school, so it isn't like I am not around. I don't know what else to do. She and I are VERY close, but lately I feel distant from her. I think she is going to start her period soon and may be stressed about that too. Do you think she needs counseling or do I???
Posted on 10/10/09, 04:10 am |
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I believe some things are problems of normal life and if they require counseling it is really only to get advice and educate ourselves as parents so we can handle our children's reactions appropriately.
My husband and I had a second child when our older son is 8 and I know regressing on the 8 year old's part is part and parcel of the adjustment. Our older son tried to be little and cute so he would get the same attention. It will get better, just reward her for being a big girl. I don't know if you mentioned you are now married, but if so she might be having trouble thinking she is a part of your new family. I would focus on talking with her and reassuring her that mommy's heart does not have to break into pieces to love another child - but that your heart just grows bigger. Her heart will also grow bigger to not only love you the same, but to love her sibling as well. This helped my son a lot. 
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If nothing else she must know that she is not the reason that her mom and dad are not together anymore. Children only know what they see and what they are told. They can't read our minds.
Find out what she Likes, Not what you "think" she likes. offer to take her and a girl friend out to get their nails done. How ever, when she washes the dishes explain to her that if they are not clean that you will have her wash every dish off the kitchen shelf (clean or not) then you won't have that problem anymore. Now the bathroom issues, she could just have a weak bladder, I use to wake our daughter up four hours after she went to sleep and send her to the bathroom, and I would wait until she came out and helped her back to bed. I gave her a kiss on the forehead to let her know that I was not made about waking up myself to take her to the bathroom. Our daughter is eleven and is afraid to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom so she would wet the bed. We keep a night light in her room and one in the bathroom. After one month, our daughter was waking up before me and going to the bathroom on her own. One more thing "You don't have a new baby" the family has a new baby . let her know that she might not be the baby in the family but she still is "your" baby
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I think you might be on to something with the emerging hormones. Also the new baby. A baby can be a stressful addition to anyone in a family. What about school? Could it be that she is having stress from school? Poor teacher? Bullies? Maybe a combination of all these things.
Maybe the bedwetting incident was a one time thing. She may have had an especially hard day and was exhausted to the point of not being able to wake up in time. In my opinion, you are being too hard on yourself. If you could set aside some time each week that is just for the two of you that would be healthy for both of you. Maybe that's where the sewing machine could come in handy. While you sew together, turn it into a chit-chat session as well.
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Thank you all very much for answering my post. I have taken a few pointers from each of you that I plan to apply to our relationship in the future. My in-laws are here this week, so that is added stress for me because I don’t want them to think I am not a good mom… Thanks again!
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Hey! "thanks"
You are a Great Mom ! I Just met you and even I can tell that! You did they say they are coming over for the week "right!" Lets put them to work. Find out if they could watch the baby for an hour. Use 30 minutes of this time with you and Just your daughter, spend this time playing a card game like "uno. " make it understood that you and her are not to be disturbed. after two -three games, You use the other half -hour for "you time" the trick is to get out of the house, " take your cell phone" but you need this time for you. I can tell you care deeply and love your children very much Just don't forget to care for your self while you are taking care of every one else
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I think it might be you have a new baby in the house plus she hasn't accepted the divorce either. That is why she is wetting the bed. She is still adjusting the new baby etc. She just wants attention from you and that is why she isn't listening to you because she feels like you care about the new baby then her. Let her help change the diapers with you or let her feed the baby. I am not a counsellor but that is what my daughter did when my son was born. Same thing taking his bottles and having accidents with her diapers and panties because she wanted to stay as the baby and only child.
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