What is Ages 9-11 Tweens
Preteen is a person between nine and twelve (but this age could sometimes extend up to the age of 15) before that person becomes a teenager. It is a relatively recent term used to ...
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My Best Friends Son
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Yesterday I really hurt my BF feelings. She has a 13 yr old son named Aaron and he is her only child. Her and her husband divorced a little over 2 yrs ago. The problem that I have is that every time Aaron does something to one of my kids or does something bad in my house...she always makes excuses for him, but never holds him accountable. The other day I we were going to get home too late to take our dog out to potty (we do this for each other on occasion)and I asked Aaron if he would take him out right away so he didn't have an accident. Well, he remembered a couple hours later (typical) and by then he had had a #2 accident on the tile right inside the front door. He called to let me know about it and I asked him if he stepped in it. He said no. So, I told him to leave it and we would clean it up when we got home, because he always does an awful job doing ANYTHING. Anyway, as soon as I got home I could see that he had slipped in it...then scrapped it off on my carpeted first step and walked all the way across my living room. I was so angry I could not see straight!! One because he didn't have enough respect for our home to take his shoe off after he relaized he stepped in dog poo and also because he lied. When I spoke to my friend about it...she said that he lied because he didn't want to disappoint me and that he has a hard time with disappointment, but he received no punishment. So, yes, I was alittle angry with her. This child is the lazyiest child I have ever seen. You can tell that he does everything haf-way, becasue he knows that she will go behind and do it for him. Anytime that he screws something up.. he plays the dumb card and says...oh I didn't know and my friend totally buys it! My issue is that I told her how I felt after this and I told her that she never wants to discipline Aaron, because she is afraid that he will want to live with his Dad and her Ex doesn't because he wants to be the fun parent. She agreed, but still took no action. I am having a harder and harder time being around Aaron now. I love my friend dearly. We have been best friends for 12yrs, but I just don't think that I can continue to be around his bad behavior and her endless excuses. it's too frustrating, but I don't want to lose her friendship. Any Ideas??
Thanks for listening! Posted on 09/25/09, 05:09 pm |
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I dunno...that is a tough one. Love me, love my kids. By golly my/our kids are NOT perfect. Ruining a friendship over a friend's kid is something I would try not to do.
I guess the only thing you can do is not have him come over unless you are there to supervise. And try to hold him accountable when you can for yourself, since she won't. You wanted her to send him right over and have him clean up that carpet, right? I would like to think I would make my son do that. I am not sure - definitely I would apologize. I know my son HATES cleaning up poop so I could imagine he would lie. lol I guess she just loves him so much, huh? I have a lazy son. Thank God he is smart academically - but allergic to any kind of WORK. I don't know exactly what created the problem, but definitely he is kinda lazy. My husband and I are not particularly lazy - I mean not at work anyway. We're real slouches on the weekend though I'll admit. But my son is real moody also - and it embarrasses me a lot. But I'd hate for a friend to hold me accountable for his attitude (which varies, but he is kinda melancholy). B/c for the life of me I can't control it. 
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How does your own son feel about Aaron - does that influence how important he is?
My 2 cents, as strange as this may seem, I have often punished my better friends' kids myself. They enjoy coming over so I simply bring up "The last time you were over ...". If the 2 of you agree this will: - spare your friend the difficulty of being the 'tough' parent - model a good discipline to your friend - teach Aaron that there is a consequence - Also show Aaron that you remain friends after dealing with issues, that discipline is not the end of working things out Good luck
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M y bad ... it sems as though your children are younger ... so the only thing at risk here seems to be your friendship ... it doesn't seem like Aaron is important for your own family, nor would he be over in order to allow you to enforce discipline easily. This would mean his mother would have to send him over to "set things straight" ... still acceptable, if you want another child to help bring up (which is okay, if you choose).
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Your friend needs to stop making excuses for him and scold him for what he has done at your house. It would work at my house if one of my kids friends did that I get on them and their parents call me to ask and I tell their parents and they get scolded for it. My kids get scolded at my friends house if they misbehave and even my one girlfriends gets to scold them and handle anyway she wants because I gave her permission to do so.
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