Parenting 'Tweens (9-12) Support Group

their are all types of bullying you need to first talk to his teacher if nothing happens very quickly then see the headteacher if they dont help you need to take it to the goveners of the school and say you need real help with this problem the otheir thing if he is realy low as you say you need to take him to the doctor asap as it can get worse very quickly. Ihope this helps God bless lol

I hear you. My son - has always been bullied/picked on b/c of the color of his skin.
Both of my children are Bi-racial (me - pink lol & their dad black) He is the most beautiful of creatures with light skin, great hair (curly but not nappy) and green eyes. Truely he is a sight... and when he gets older... Lawd look out.
But anyway... he has always been a softy, which made him a great target... so the things they say and the things they do really have done huge toll on his ego. He has finally been diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and is now on meds. He became the bully. He truely did. The whole thing the school wanted was names. They wanted names of everyone who ever said anything wrong to him (esp b/c of the race issue) and to this day, he will not give up the name of those who hurt him. Yes. His teacher first. Then anyother teacher that will listen. Get parents involved. Hell... make a note out to the principle. Do what you have to so that your son can stand on his own two feet without having to "beat someone up".
Good luck my friend!!!!!!

When my daughter was being bullied, I went to her teacher first and then climb the rails. I was very persistent and didn't give up until the issue was resolved. First the teacher and see what happens is what I would do, do it everyday if you need too. Good luck

Did he say what he thinks the problem was/is?? Maybe he has SOME idea about why this is going on?
I hope it gets resolved soon...

Have you ever considered martial arts training for him? I don't mean so he can beat someone up (tho defending himself would be a useful thing to be able to do).

My 12 year old is in karate, and at the school they teach how to be assertive with a bully, without getting aggressive. There's a whole lot taught about respect, and as a result of the kids mastering different physical techniques, their self-esteem just soars.

I'm so sorry your son is facing this, it can be so arbitrary how the kids decide who to target!!! But giving him skills to defend himself if need be, and the confidence to do that, are skills that'll be with him for life.

And in the mean time, definitely talk to the school. If it's become physical, I'd personally bypass the teacher and go to the principal and/or guidance counselor.

Nobody has mentioned friends - everybody needs them. If he has a few good friends and empathetic parents it will go a long way. The other comments are also very valid. You cannot stop bullying completely, however teaching coping skills is something you can control.

I dealt with this. I went to the teacher and when it wasn't stopped completely I went to the principal.
Of course that was with my daughter and it was a boy bulling her.
With boys its different because they get made fun of if "Mommy" steps in.
But when it was My son I made calls and taught my son coping skills.
I'm sorry but if all else fails?
He has to take up for himself one way or the other.
It just gets worse if he doesn't.
Its a shame parents don't teach their children NOT to be bullies.
If a complaint was made about one of my kids picking on another,it would be stopped by me at home.
Parents should reinforce these morals at home to help the Schools.
Geez stepping off soap box now,lol
This is just something I feel strongly about.
Too many times parents make excuses for their children when they are bullying and there is another child being hurt or scarred.
PARENTS take responsibility!

My now 13 yr old daughter has been bullied for years and she is the most calm, layed back kid I have ever seen so of course she would come home crying, with bruises, and scratches on her so we taught her how to defend herself..but not bully(ooh I would be sooo angry!)
Anyway I have been talking to the principals, counselors and teachers to the point that they stopped taking my calls!! yeah you read that right..
Well my daughter finally had enough and beat the hexx out of a kid in class one day for poking a pencil in her back-
I will give you one guess which kid got in trouble by the school..grrrrrr

The first thing I would do is ask the school if they have a bullying prevention plan in place. If they do, it will define what is considered bullying and what the steps are to deal with the situation. Schools like you to do things "by the numbers". I would also make sure to express your concerns in writing (by e-mail or regular mail) so you have a record of what you reported and when you reported it. That way if they don't respond you can document that too. It's easy to dodge a phone call.

For them to say they need names is a cop-out. If this goes on constantly the teacher should be aware of at least some of it.

All that being said, I've dealt with this with my girls. When I talked to the teacher about it, I found out that there was a lot of MUTUAL teasing/picking going on. Meaning my girl was as much at fault, but she was getting sympathy from me for it. That's something else you might check into.

Also, if you can, try talking to other parents of students in his class. You may find that this is happening to others also - and if you all band together to get the school to act, you will have a much better chance. They can't blow off all of you.

Oh,and if the school still won't react - you can always say those magic words - "I'm going to file a complaint with the US Department of Education" Particularly if there are racial factors involved: http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/li...

If they are not taking action to prevent him being abused because of his race, they are in violation of his civil rights. (I'm assuming you are in the US)

I just had an issue with my 9 year old boy. He came home from school crying that the three older kids on his bus were making fun of him. We ended up getting to the bottom of it to find out that they do "comback wars" and I think this particular time it struck a wrong nerve with my son. He was sensitive to the issue that they teased him on. My thought to you is may he have anything to do with the teasing. Is he giving some back?...I wish you luck. It is heartbreaking. I find raising children, especially this age group, is so emotional. Please keep in touch and let me know how it works out.