Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group

She doesnt sound like the kind of kid i'd want my kids playing with. They pick up bad habits so fast. Abusing animals is a very bad sign. Tell her that she has to follow your rules while in your home or she will not be allowed to come back. I always give my kids and any friends that come over a time, like u can play for 1 hour and then we have other things we need to do today. Good luck !

I have a couple of suggetions for you.
First, don't feel bad for telling this child no when she breaks your household rules. If you aren't consistant it send a confusing message to the friend and your own kids.
2) I know you said you don't want to punish her because she is not yours, but you do need to tell her "in our house we don't hurt animals or each other or ignore adults when they are talking to us, etc.....these are our rules and the consequence for breaking the rules is being sent home".
3) Try going down to her house to meet her parents, it will provide some clues as to what her home life is like and will give you the chance to tell her parents that you like their daughter and your son enjoys playing with her but you have had some problems with her not listening. Maybe if you get their number you can call when it is time for her to go home and they can walk down to get her.

You might be surprised and find that she likes your house because you do have rules and structure. We had this whole family of kids who liked to come to our house becuase their house was chaos, I was always telling them "at our house we...", "we don't say... at our house", "nope, you aren't going home until you help clean up the mess you made together, I will explain to your mom if you need me to." I felt like you no, no, no... but they liked the parent interaction and the normal life we had.
I also agree with the advice to set time limits. If she comes over at breakfast on Saturday tell her she can stay until lunch but then you need quiet family time. Kids need to understand that a good family spends time together without visitors.
Don't presume she is just difficult kid that you will always have problems with and who will be a bad influence on your kids, she just may need to learn some manners and etiquette. It is actually good for your son to see that you expect others to respect your household rules and your family. You are going to want him to have that attitude when he is a teen bringing friends home.
Good luck!

I agree, go introduce yourself to her family. Talk with them. Are they aware of how much time she is spending in your home without them around? Some parents do let the kids run wild but like the others have suggested; it is your home and since she is in it, she has to follow the basic structure. Clean up after herself, follow rules and yes, go home when asked. No explanations needed there.

When my son was younger he had a couple of friends who use to come over often and stay. The first day the friends came over, the children played inside for about 10 minutes then I suggested we all go outside for fun! I asked the friends where they lived, then we all went to meet the parents.

I let them know who I was, where my home is, and we exchanged phone numbers. Things went well after that and I didn't feel nervous about some one else's children hanging out inside my home. We also agreed that as soon as the children came over, they made a phone call to let the parents know where they were. The parents called back when it was time for them to go home. Usually at supper time.

Having friends over should be a pleasurable experience, not one you dred. Best wishes in finding some common ground there. Keep us posted lady:)