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Advice:
Reward\Incentive system for home
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I am racking my brain to come up with some reward\incentive system for our home. Everything is out of control and I need to implement something. My kids are 5, 10, and 14. They are all behaving badly. Can you give me some ideas on what to do. I mean in detail. I need help.
Posted on 03/10/08, 11:58 am
9 Replies Add Your Advice
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Advice:
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Reply #1 - 03/10/08  12:42pm
" Lay down the law and stick to it. They wont like it but eventually they will understand who is in charge. "
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Reply #2 - 03/10/08  1:06pm
" Well, I only have one, and his is 5, so you can take my advice at whatever level you see fit.

I've always tried to take whatever is most prized for my son *at that time* and make that the reward he has to earn.

right now, it's the GameCube playing.
so he has to earn it each day before it can be turned on. he earns it now by his chore chart. I asked him a few times before beginning this if he liked these chores or those chores and let him decide what interested him best. he chose cleaning cat pans! yea for me haha

anyway, this has worked really well.
if he thinks maybe he won't do his chores one day, I just say, OK, I won't do mine either and there won't be any dinner tonight. that always works for me. = )

and this can work the other way too. yesterday my son lost our only living room remote. this happens about twice a week and it makes me boiling mad. so I told him he could have his GAmeCube back when I had my remote back.

good luck! "
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Reply #3 - 03/10/08  1:07pm
" Oh, I forgot to add that the stickers on the chart make it more fun for sure and when the chart is full of stickers, there's an extra bonus prize that remains unknown until it's full. usually it's just something from the dollar store or a small ice cream cone with sprinkles or something small. "
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Reply #4 - 03/10/08  2:46pm
" Read: Screamfree parenting: a revolutionary guide raising your children by keeping your cool

what you do is not nearly as important as HOW you do it. consistantly and calmly.

they key to controlling them is to first control yourself.

its such a great book... check it out. "
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Reply #5 - 03/10/08  4:02pm
" What I do for my kids, they are 8 and 5, I have a magnetic board and it has about 5 jobs on it, then I have a column that has to do, and a column that has done with magnets in them. If they do a chore they get a point, if they do all of them they get three bonus points, at the end of the night I add up the points, they can keep them or trade them in for a "prize" that we have preset, they decided on before hand how many points you need for certain prizes you could do yours for money, if they do all the chores that day they get a dollar, but if they don't you take money away, I use the points and if they act up, they lose a point, or if they have a time out they lose a point. I am sorry if this is confusing, if you need more details or help, let me know. "
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Reply #6 - 03/10/08  10:17pm
" I have a 6 year old and we work on a point system. He gets two points a day for doing his homework without complaint and doing his chores...set the table, clear the table, take out the garbage etc. He earns extra points by doing things without being asked. Like if he sees something out of place and he picks it up I through in an extra 1/2 point to 1 point,. When he gets 20 points he gets a package of yugi oh cards. Right now that is what all his friends are collecting so he desperately wants them. "
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Reply #7 - 03/11/08  5:38am
" My kids are video game freaks like there dad, and computer nuts like me, so I have envolopes with chores on them and a bucket with rewards posted on them, they do a chore they pick a reward, some are 20 min on the computer some are an hour of choice and some are money for a new toy or a date out to a place of there choice, I put all of them in at the beggining of the day, the bigger ones are taken out and not put back until the activity is done or unti the money is spent so I dont have to buy a new toy everyday:) But my son knows that to get a reward he has to do a chore. And once the chore is done, unless its something like the garbage, its done for the day. My oldest is 5 so we have chores like garbage, cleaning room, laundry and dishes, but its easy to modify for good behavior or other age apropriate chores. For your older kids I would work out an allowence program and take money away for bad behavior. If its 10 dollars a week and they fight take out a dollar, or if they swear or yell take out 50 cents, but on the flip side they have to have ways to earn it back, not by making amends persay but by behaving good for a set amount of time, like all day with no big outbursts. "
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Reply #8 - 03/11/08  9:11am
" Even though your older kids are 10 and 14…I think a chore/reward chart will still work. You can always have a different chart for the younger one if you want. First off you might need to make a house rules chart if things are getting out of control. You can google reward charts and print one out or just get some ideas. I love the idea that Mechelle gave…I know from experience that it does work. The plus about having a reward system is that it also teaches your kids a little how the real world is. You can’t get rewarded with something if the work is not done. Think about what is important to each of your children and figure out what they can do to EARN their privileges. Start each day off with zero free time minutes and have your children work up to an amount you think is doable. Remember to have a punishment of some sort if chores do not get done just so they know that if they do nothing then privileges can also be taken away just as fast as they can be earned. Also make sure you have rewards for good behavior…extra free time, extra money when they go out, more time to stay out with friends, ect. Figure out what you need to do and get all your supplies together (poster boards, markers, stickers…ect) You can even have your kids involved in making the charts…maybe they can give you some ideas as well. If you think they might protest… just make the charts and house rules yourself and have a family meeting to explain everything. To make things fair you can always have a few rotating chores (like kitchen dutes…clean dishes, put away dishes, set table). To also make it fair you can have each child have about the same amount of jobs to do but just age appropriate. For instance for your five year old’s chart might be: brush teeth, make bed, help mommy fold clothes, clear table, ect. Your older children’s chart might read: daily hygiene (shower/bath, brush teeth, ect), clean room, wash fold and put away laundry, wash dishes, ect. You get the idea. Whatever you do, try to make it a fun experience. If you are not consistent with this it will not work. It also might take a while for your kids to get used to it as well. Give it time and don’t give up or you will be right back to square one! "
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Reply #9 - 03/07/09  12:22am
" This is an old post, but I thought I would chime in anyway. Great advice I actually started working on some charts today, my kids which for the most part were doing well are starting to show some behavior problems, I'd say listening, whining, and not picking up are the worst now and I need to nip these before they get any worse.
I have three kids, 8, 6 and 5 years old.

What I did with my chart is I didvided into sections so it's not so overwhelming and also tailored it for each child.

I did one for the morning, which has brush teeth, make bed, 6 minute shower, put dirty clothes in hamper, pick up dishes and get ready for school on time.

Then I have an afternoon/evening one which has some of same as above as well as put lunch bag/backpack away, put toys away, etc.

Then I made a seperate section: I picked up after myself, I stayed in my seat during meals, I did my job without complaining, I was kind and generous-I shared and a few others.

I've got my stickers and early next week I'll go buy some trinkets as prizes (bugs, goo,cheapy jewelry for the girls) as well as print coupons, for example, good for 15 minutes of computer time, or 15 minutes of staying up late. I'll give these out weekly after a min. amount of stickers and I'll do a grand prize for an amount higher that the min. I'm thinking of an ice cream, day at the park with a parent, library trip.

For inappropriate behavoir I am putting in a basket some coupons that have, go to bed early for x amount of days and time-out time I'm still trying to think of others. "

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