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anoughter emotional hurdle for my daughter...
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THis topic came up on anoughter board Im on and it brought up an issue very close to my heart.
Hospital policies regaurding visitors due to the flu situation. and the delivery of babies.... I am 30 weeks pregnant and Im facing a hospital stay again.... I posted this on the prego board but was hoping that experianced moms might be able to help me out as well.... I understand the need to restrict visitors due to the flu. But my situation has me seriously thinking about my daughter and her emotional well being.... My husband wont be home until shortly befor baby is due. SHe is already having some SERIOUS seperation issues and the things that have come from her mouth are just breaking my heart. Because she is 5 she will most likely not be allowed to visit. If I was only going to be there for 24 hours I could find a way to make it happen. Heck my son could miss 2 days of school and be home with his sister and then we could bring the baby home. How ever I have to have a c section and will probally be there for 4 days due to medical concerns. I can not have my son miss a week of school. SO in order for DH to be at the hospital my daughter will likely have to go to my moms house 100 miles away and stay for the time IM in the hospital. If I hadnt just gone through all the emotional issues I have gone through with my daughter I wouldnt even think twice. My daughter loves my mom. But my daughter already feels like she isnt part of the family (not sure where it came from except for the hospital stay and the deployment- I think it is more of an abandoment issue altough she has never been left any where any how...) how will my daughter feel when its me and daddy and the new baby and she isnt included??? How am I suppose to handle this??? Many moms buy the older kids gifts so they dont feel left out.... some even give big brother/sister parties I guess... I dont know that I would ever go that far (to each thier own) If moms are worried about kids feeling left out by the babys presence.... how am I not suppose to worry about the babies pressence and her ABSENCE in the whole process???? How do I get throught this and keep my daughters mental health - healthy????? OH my heart is breaking for her.... Posted on 10/31/09, 04:10 am |
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Well I don't really have any advice to give you on this because it's not something I have any experience with. I Ido have a question about your daughter not visiting the hospital though. Is that rule also for siblings? I know my hospital has a current no children under the age of 12 rule, but siblings don't count. I would think if it's your new child that they would understand that bonding process that needs to take place there. I would specifically ask someone at your delivery hospital about this to make sure you are clear on their rules about children. 
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Two questions
1- If she is vaccinated will this make a difference? Maybe you could ask the hospital? 2- Can your dr help you get permission to get her in if you explain the situation to him or her?
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hmmm Its worth a shot. She isnt H1n1 vacinated yet cause her doc doesnt want her to have the live vaccine since Im pregnant and he doesnt have the synthetic yet.
I am going to really push for the issue... even see if we can take a walk to public area to have a visit if need be. I guess Im not one of the very over protective moms. While I dont explose my baby unnessassaraly I also dont hide them from the world. I am cautious and dont let strangers cop feels and usually keep baby covered but I dont find a trip to a visiting area to risky I guess... I dunno
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Talk, talk talk about it!! Endlessly! Really make sure that she is aware of the full situation. Be sure and use "active listening" while she talks about any concerns she may have. And make sure she knows you will not be gone long! Put together a special photo album full of her favorite family pictures, then get lots of paper, stickers, markers, glitter and glue. Have her decorate the album and it's pages while at grandmas. Fun craft projects will help keep her mind off of not being included. Also, make a fun countdown chart! 4 days till Mommy comes home!! And take her to pick out special stickers to use on the chart.
But also, I think it is ridiculous for the Hospital to expect a new, emotional, hormonal mom to be away from her child for 4 days! Flu or no flu! I would really voice your opinion to the staff! If you get emotional or upset or LOUD while doing so, fine! In this situation if you absolutly INSIST that you be able to see her, they will most likely let her in. Who cares if you are the "pain in the wahoo" patient? Send them a basket of mini muffins later and blame it on the hormones!! Good luck!! I hope everything works out in your favor!! :)
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