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seperation anxiety
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I posted this in the military families section as well but hoping that you all might have some input as well.
My husband is in the national gaurd and has to do some extended training in navada to prepare for deployment late next year. He is going to be gone a total of 2 and a half months and is due back dec 11. A couple days after my husband left for navada I ended up in the hospital and my daughter at my moms. While she loves grandmas I think HAVING to go and not being able to come home right after daddy left triggered serious seperation anxiety. SHe doesnt have a problem with things like going to day care but she is afraid that I will elave again and has even told me that its only me and daddy and that she isnt part of the family. Of cource I spoke up immediately and put an end to that thought and then called daddy and let him put an end to it as well. Well tonight we went trunk or treating. It was a very fun enviroment and she wanted to be there. They had tricker treating with candy of cource and jumpy machines and everything. out of the clear blue in the middle of the activities she broke down in tears. She was so distraught that we had to step to the side hug a bit and gather out selves. Seeing her in tears at such a fun event made me cry of cource cause my heart broke for her. She missed daddy so much and felt his absence so severly that even fun and candy wasnt enough to keep her distracted. We have 2 more holidays to get throught befor he comes home. Her birthday and thanksgiving. I need to find a way to help her cope with his absence. We can call him nearly anytime we want (when he isnt in class) and we do... we talk to him daily and if she wants so does she. We have pictures and we take pictures for daddy to get to see what we are doing. I am getting her a play therapist (hopefully we see her next wednesday) to help because it is obvious that its really a huge issue for her. I need some other ideas to help her cope with this. It just breaks my heart. ANd if she isthis upset when we can talk to him when we need to what will it be like when he is gone over seas and we cant just pick the phone up and call him when we want.... Ugh help!!!! Posted on 10/29/09, 02:10 am |
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Do you have a web cam? You can use skype. My husband is overseas at the moment and my son (and I) can talk to him via skype and with the video we can see each other too. Also, I find that when my son has issues with new things reading a story or seeing a cartoon with other kids going through the same thing really seems to help. It helps him to realise that its normal and by seeing the end of the cartoon or reading the end of the book where mummy/daddy comes home she will be able to see how that story and her story ends.
Hope that helps a little.... KC 
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can you give me the names of some of the books you ave found??? are they military based or just seperation based???
We do have a web cam but havent used it... oddly enough we have 2 of the exact laptops and havent used the web cam part... dunno why... ILl suggest that to hubby.. I know neither one of our connections is very good. My daughter does talk often about the order of events to when daddy will come home. She knows first we have halloween then her birthday then thanksgiving then daddy then christmas then our new baby will be here. We did get a new kitten shortly befor daddy left. ANd that cat has kinda taken to her and Im very thankful as she feels like she has that special friend right now. The other cats tolerate her but ollie actually plays with her and lets her pet him and despite her constant holding of him comes back for more....
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Oh, sorry, no I don't know a particular title. I had used books for things like starting school, going to the doctor, going on holiday. But I'm sure there must be books about mums/dads going away. I'd scan your local library. My husband is away now because his sister recently got diagnosed with cancer and has a just been told she has a few months to live. His mum said to come quick to spend some time with her while he still could, so we booked his ticket for the next day. His sudden departure has been a bit difficult for my son, but after skyping he seems ok with it.
Actually, I just found this on the internet: http://www.flipkart.com/daddy-come... Book: When Daddy Comes Home From The Army When Daddy Comes Home from the Army is an inspiring story told by a 6-year-old girl who is trying to cope with the extended deployment of her father. With honesty and emotion, she discusses why her father had to leave, and what her mother does to help her and her brother deal with the separation. Strategies for parents concerned with how to maintain their child's equilibrium in the absence of a parent are subtly incorporated into the story. The story ends in an upbeat and positive way as the girl fondly remembers the special times she has shared with her father, and looks forward to enjoying these activities again once he returns.
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awsome thanks I will look into that.
I think a large part of the problem is that she is an extreamly emotional child to start with. SHe is very compassionant and roleplays out the things that bother her. Her current thing is that her 'husband' is at the airport with daddy. (thats where she thinks he is despite the fact we talk about him being in navada and at school lol) She then will tell me that she is very sorry and knows I will miss her but she needs to go be with her husband and daddy, and that ill be ok. the expressions on her face are just priceless when she is doing this. I encourage her to go and have fun and that ill be here when she comes back... I make real light of it. I want her to see that I think its ok to be apart for a little while because no matter where we are we are family.
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It sounds like she identifies alot with you- She must hear you call her father husband and that where she gets it. Does she have any other guys in her life who can hang out with her?cousins? grandpa?
Maybe getting some male attention even if it doesnt come from dad would make her feel more secure.
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She does have her brother, who is 16 he comes over on the weekends and holidays or when school is out. He is coming over tomorrow for a few hours to carve pumpkins. He was going to go trick er treating with us but its homecomming weekend and he is on the foot ball team... he wants to hang with his friends and I dont blame him. SHe spend time with my step dad some when we go visit. they live a ways away so its hard... my brother and y uncle also live a ways a way...
She does look forward to her brother coming over... and we go see his football games. SHe brightens up when he is here... I wish he could be here mor eoften
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