Parenting Preschoolers (3-5) Support Group

It seeems like your husband needs to make an effort to really make it clear to his son that you ARE the authority here. He needs to give you serious backup. Everyday he should remind this kid that dad and stepmom are on the same page about everything.

Also, on the flip side, do you get to spend any one on one time with this little guy? Because if he feels like he is just a problem and noone likes him, his behavior will keep getting worse. Try singling him out for a fun activity everyday- you dont have to lighten up on your expectations for him or stop giving him consequences, just do something with him that he likes and see where that gets you.

If you are the primary caretaker, you ARE the mommy! You really need hubby to back you up on who's in charge if it is up to you to raise him.
My stepson.....ugggh.
I took about two years of him thinking he didn't have to listen before I just broke.
I told my husband what was going on and that I couldn't continue caring for him if I couldn't be an authority and he said OK.
One day I just let go and told(or yelled at) my SS that I WAS a mommy to him and it was MY HOUSE and in my house he will do what I SAY and treat me and the other people who live there with respect. Same house same rules for all kids. You cannot be expected to raise a child and have no say in dicipline or boundaries. Just can't do it.
Also, In all the families that I knew growing up that had more than one kid (only child here) when the tattling got out of control the person doing the tattling got punished too. Puts a stop to tattling really fast. I use it with the two boys and its working. You might consider telling all the kids that its only OK to tattle if someone is about to get hurt or injured by doing something dangerous. Tell them otherwise you don't want to hear tattling because everyone will be punished.
If the tattling keeps up it won't be long before your bio kids realize they can blame your stepson for everything that happens even if he didn't do it.
My four year old, I don't know why it is but four year olds will find out what is irritating to you and keep doing it. I am just now figuring out that I don't praise him enough when he does good stuff. I think they are just aching for praise sometimes.
And it sounds like your SS is also in desperate need of boundaries.
Maybe he does have some sort of diagnosable disorder. ADD or Oppositional defiant disorder and someone from his school can help you with some good tips for dealing with him, but try the other stuff first so you don't have to involve outsiders right away.

my son now 16 was an extreamly difficult child. SO bad so I had to use seated restraints in walmart to keep him from breaking any more lamps and maybe hurting himself or someone else over a gum ball I didnt even say no to. (thats the short story) If you know he has some developemental problems I seriously urge you to find a "pediatric nuro psycologist" they are not very common. they are a very specialized professional. They do not prescrib meds but will make recomendations if they find a disability or disorder that can benifit from them. This type of professional saved my sons life emotionally, and repaired our relationship. Basically they do a battery of tests over several days in small chunks that the child can handle. My son was dxed as possible MMR, ADHD, Conduct disorder, OCD, ODD, and god remembers what else. AFinally at the age of 12 he was properly dxed with Aspergers. That dx while it didnt change his school options a whole lot helped us learn how to relate to my son and how to better teach him and help him. I dont think lables are ultimately important but they do offer guidance for how to manage your child.

Also if there is nothing dxable they can still help with behavior management techniques. The reason I suggest getting screened by this type of professional is because they DONT look for answers in medications. I think meds have thier place but I dont think they should be the first answer. I have had my son on meds but not as the first resort and when he did take them I knew what it was for and that he did truely need them. Given that you do have concerns I would ahve him tested ever year maybe every 2 until either the behavioral issues resolove or you get a good solid dx to work with.

Just remember that having professional help with behavioral issues can be very positive if approached positively. Make sure that when you decide to go this route that its positive and a game for your stepson... maybe make him feel like its a test for intelegence or to see what he will be good at when he grows up. Try not to make him feel singled out. ANd just let him know that if you decide to get regular counciling that sometimes its just helpful to have a special friend that you can talk to about anything and not get introuble for the way you feel. And that that person can help you find ways to handle feelings that dont feel nice when we feel them.

Good luck and if you ahve any questions feel free to message me