Parenting Preschoolers (3-5) Support Group

try the book "positive discipline" for toddlers.. worked for me..:)

Hi, there have been numerous posts recently about discipline, etc. in this community. I'm cutting and pasting my response to another concerned parent... but feel free to browse the other posts, you'll find a lot of great advice.

Also, I'm cutting and pasting some past advice on discipline. You'll have to see how it fits into your situation but I think if you offer her a safe and consistent environment, that will help. Best of luck to you!

However, one thing that I do believe works for every family (no matter what style of parenting you use) is CONSISTENCY. Consistency is KEY (especially for younger kids). If you keep changing the rules and consequences, it becomes confusing for them. Kids need routines and stability to feel safe and secure in their environment. Also, mean what you say. And say exactly what you mean. Be clear and concise with the rules and the consequences. If a rule is broken, you absolutely have to follow through with the consequence. If you waver, bend the rules or fail to follow through, kids will sense your ambivalence and weaknesses and go in for the kill!

Here are a few other tips that really work for our family:

**Give your children one-on-one time every day. They need your undivided attention for at least 15 minutes a day. Call it their “special time” and let them choose the activity. Make sure you really focus on him/her during this “uninterrupted” time. Dr. Harvey Karp, a nationally renowned pediatrician, calls this "Feeding the Meter." This is a practice I use in my own home and I think it works great!

**Reward Charts: Reward charts encourage positive discipline and help build self-esteem. You can use reward charts for numerous matters. I typically use reward charts for a negative behaviors that need work. I usually have the kids earn between 5-7 stickers before they earn their reward. And the rewards can be anything from a day at the park to a new toy. I’ve used reward charts for sleeping issues, eating issues, treating people with respect, listening, etc. You can use them for just about anything! And kids feel proud when they “earn” something on their own.

**Kids Learn by Example: I truly believe this! If you yell, scream and lose your temper. Your child will learn from your behavior. Obviously when children are young, they are going to cry and maybe even scream but if we remain calm and teach them the proper way to behave, they will eventually learn that they do not get their way by yelling and screaming and that it’s not the proper way to get your attention. Kids love it when we lose our temper, it means that they have controlled your emotions and they basically “win.” No matter how upset you are, try to remain calm. Take a deep breath and deal with the situation in rationale manner.

**Although we are absolutely teaching our children that the parents are in charge, it’s nice to let children assert their independence by allowing them to make a few choices of their own each day. This goes a long way and reduces their frustration when you have to say “no” to them on more important decisions/disagreements.

**There are also two books that I highly recommend:

*1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan (Author)

* Positive Discipline A-Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems by Jane Ed.D. Nelsen, Lynn Lott, and H. Stephen Glenn (they also have special editions for toddlers, preschoolers, and teens) "

Thanks for the advice, lol as soon as I have some money Ill go and get those books! I lost my job and haven't found anything yet unfortunatly =(

I am divorced for almost 1 year now and my ex is already remarried but his new wife seems to be filling my motherly role if that makes sense to anyone, does anyone have experience with that? I feel like I am butting heads with her a lot. (My ex-husband took my kids away from me) I feel like her and everyone else is asking too much of my kids and raising them. And that I am getting pushed out of the picture.

She is telling me about things she does with the kids like sitting there with them while they are in time out (my son won't stay in time out) stuff like that -giving me advice- I don't want advice from someone on parenting if they don't have kids and experience -and I try not to be mean or harsh but I don't really take advice well when people give it to me with out me asking for it. I have maybe asked for advice from my mom like 5-10 times. I just feel as their mother I know what is best and I will raise them how I want. Am I wrong in this?

Maybe this is the wrong board for this but I thought maybe another parent/mother could help or relate...maybe...hopefully?