What is Ages 12-18 Teenagers
Adolescence is the period of psychological and social transition between childhood and adulthood (gender-specific, manhood, or womanhood). Someone in Adolescence is called a Teenag...
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Okay, I probably sound like a big wimp here but my 16-year-old really hurt my feelings last night. On top of that I'm getting more and more concerned about his attitude in general.
Living in pretty small quarters with my two kids, sometimes something as simple as watching a TV program can be challenging. Last night was like that and though I kept asking the kids to quiet down it wasn't working. They were having fun and getting along well and really weren't doing anything wrong, it just was one of those nights where I needed more quiet (and more space) than I had. I finally lost it, feeling that they were showing a complete lack of respect by ignoring my requests to pipe down. At that point my son got angry right back at me (okay, fair enough) and said that they were having fun and weren't going to stop just because I was watching some stupid tv thing that was boring. This on the heels of him pouting any time he's asked to do anything around the house and wondering loudly why I can't do it myself. My goodness, I have a totally spoiled brat on my hands! Unfortunately this isn't out of character for him. I spoke with him about his attitude and watched him tune out. I felt like my dad must have when he talked to my brother (who actually didn't turn out all that well himself). So I'm concerned, as I have been in the past, about my son's apparent selfishness and self-centeredness which may well be normal but seems extreme to me. And on top of that my feelings are hurt - I'm in an "After all I've done for you" spiral which I can't imagine is helpful. Anyone with kind and/or wise words? Help please!! Posted on 06/24/09, 08:06 am |
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I live in a small house too... I love the house, but as the kids get older and bigger they need more space, and so do I at times. Also... there is a drain on energy with noise and TV especially. Try allowing yourself to take walks during their TV time, then prepare quiet time together, maybe Card night or reading hour if they go for that. You may want to try getting their fav magazines and playing their music softly while they thumb through them.
just some ideas. 
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I agree with the finding a way to take time alone and away from the house for a while or finding some kind of relaxed family activity that you can do with the kids.
I have said this before and I will say it again 16 SUCKS!!!! It is my firm belief that girls hit this phase at around 13 or 14 and boys it it somewhere between 14 and 16. It is the second coming of the terrible twos. Guess what I am young enough to remember my own mid teens and how truly suck a$$ they were. I am so glad that I had my kids at 20 and 21 because I am young enough now at 37 to relate and remember. There is no curing or fixing this behavior what there is is expectations and compromises on both sides. Kids this age are stuck in the tween of nothing. They arent little kids anymore and have a lot more expected of them, yet at the same time they are not adults and dont have the right to argue or talk back. Somehow they have to know that they are allowed to have some kind of a voice. Dont compare your son to someone else....never a good thing especially if you arent comparing him to someone who is truly amazing give him higher expectations in your mind and heart than that. Remember that 16 is all about selfish and self-centered. He is working on feeling out his place in the world and what he needs is gentle and supportive guidance. By that I dont me the "oh honey lets not behave that way" crap. I mean the consistent this is what I expect out of you stuff. Sure you want to do such and such fine but I want the kitchen cleaned first. Be firm but consistent and actually try to listen to him....if he is making a good point then what you need to do is compromise if he is not making a good point then dont. No poor me. You are the mom for pete's sake. It is the toughest job in the world and nobody ever said it was easy. Ok I am going to get the heck off my Dr. Phil soap box now. Just know that in the last month or so when I finally decided that I had to practice what I preach with my son.....we are both getting it and things are much better.
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Thanks for the responses! Good advice. Honestly, I've been so overprotective (part of the problem no doubt) that it's only been recently that I've even considered leaving the kids alone! In fairness to me, I was always afraid someone would get hurt - my kids get along fine but when they roughhouse (in play) it's an ugly thing to watch.
I also have a tendency to feel terribly sorry for myself because my place is so small - I grew up in a much larger house but found myself downwardly mobile. I know I feel guilty that I can't provide my kids everything I got (probably a good thing actually) and as a result end of spoiling them. Good to know I'm not the only one who struggle with space issues!
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small houses are nice, less yard to cut, less room to put stuff in, you play your stereo and it can be heard everywhere. dont fall into that big house virus. I see lots of big houses with children at home all by themselves, no brothers or sisters, empty rooms cause they cant afford furniture and an empty family. I live in a small duplex, love it and will retire here and not have to move three times.
also what fun would it be if you repeated the same life for y our kids that you had ....
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