Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

I'll probably get beat up on this one. But I am that parent. I have always been very open about birth control etc with my daughter and me niece.

I am also the mom that her friends come to with questions.

I would never betray the child unless I was aware of an inappropriate relationship (adult/child) etc.

The reality is that although we may teach our kids to wait until they are older, ready to care for a child etc many will not. Having a parent to talk to about birth control and explain the options is a good thing.

I would encourage you son to talk openly wit his GF. And encourage them both to be responsible for the birth control.

T

Thanks, Msnova, that has always kind of been my take on it. I have always tried to have an open line of communication with my son about these kinds of things, but it seems like his gf is more comfortable talking to me than he is... I would not want to betray her trust, but I just worry that her fears of her parents might stand in the way of her making the right decision. Should I offer to take her?

I got myself to Planned Parenthood so many years ago but I had unprotected sex for a year before that. I think it is important for your son to know she must be on birth control before they have sex. If that requires you driving, I would be the Mom that would do that.

Of course, the obvious is that this is a great opportunity to sit them both down and explain that they have lots of time to have sex and there is no need to rush. I know for me, I thought everyone was having sex and it was expected of me and I was way behind. In my adult life, I found out that wasn't true.

I read this post found a need to respond I'm a single father that has a close relationship with my children. I am very open and honest with both my kids and they return that same respect to me. when it comes to their friends and even their own mother I keep there lives between us I never break the trust because once you break it it's gone and you might as forget it because they are never talking to you again

I would find it so flattering that his GF felt safe and close enough to you to talk about it. Since she opened the door, I would follow up with her and your son to make sure she went to Planned Parenthood. At least that's what I would do. I hope my 14 & 16 year olds would feel comfortable coming to me ahead of time. My 14 year old girl was put on the pill shortly after her birthday because she was having such sever menstral cramps. Now she hardly bleeds at all and the cramps have disappeared. Still, I have made it known that should she ever think about having intercourse that the pill alone is not safe enough. The future boyfriend should always use a condom too. She's still young in that way though and , as far as I know, is not thinking about that yet. I think you listening without judgement was great!

Thank you, everyone!
I feel so blessed that she would confide in me, and I will not break her trust. I just want to make sure she gets to planned parenthood and starts birth control BEFORE they have sex. I don't understand why her mother wouldn't have already put her daughter on the pill. I mean she is a beautiful girl, very popular, and has been in a serious relationship for a year and a half with a boy her mom knows is not a virgin. Why oh why, does she have to make it so difficult for her daughter?

It's kinda the head in the sand thing. Some parents feel if they don't see it, it isn't happening.

I would absolutely take the girl. So sorry if the parent gets upset, but the reality is that a pregnancy is going to be a much bigger issue, and will be life changing.

I live in a very conservative state with conservative attitudes. Parent feel if they discuss sex and birth control with their kids...or god forbid, put your daughter on birth control, it is giving them permission to have sex. So it is the elephant in the room that no one talks about. We have a very high rate of teen pregnancy.

I don't agree with that thought and would risk a parental disagreement over seeing this girl (and your son) become teen parents and have their lifes changed forever.

Plus be sure your son wears a condom anyway. If she is not a virgin, STDs are very real and running rampant for teens.

Thank you! Actually, last night my son's gf asked me if I would go with her to Planned Parenthood and although I know how I would feel if my daughter went behind my back to get birth control, I also know safety is first and if her mother were more understanding she wouldn't feel the need to go behind her back. I told my son that his gf asked me to go with her and he said "No Mom, that's weird. I will take her." Bottom line is that she gets birth control I don't care how she gets there, but it will be up to her if she wants her boyfriend or her bf's mom to be with her. Also, I opened the door to her that if she wanted me to I will speak with her mother. Question for anyone who has gone to PP with a boyfriend, does PP also take the time to discuss options, STDs, etc with the boyfriend? It might be a good idea for my son to go in that case, although he thinks he already knows everything there is to know, I think it would be good for him to know how his gf's birth control works, how effective it is, the importance of also wearing a condom, etc.

I am very honest and open with my children regarding everything including birth control. I would caution you against going to her mother with the topic as she obviously does not feel that is a subject that they can talk about. It is important that she feels that she can be honest and open with you and she probably needs that type of a relationship with an adult female at this point in her life.

I would think about sitting down with the two of them and having an honest conversation about what sexual relationships entail how they can go about getting birthcontrol if that is the decision that they make, boundaries, and respect.