Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

I can answer many of these questions : For one I don't know about other parents but I can tell you all I ask is for you to do your best in school .. so be it you got a B out of four A's or what have you then that is acceptable in my eye's your GPA is not a 4.0 but a 3.5 that is fine too... I do not expect my kids to be on the honor roll though it would be nice and if they do make it then that is awesome !
When my kids mention a boy's or even a girls name once or twice I do not judge and I sure don't judge if my kids turned to me and told me they were gay or even bi-sexual.
The only thing I do expect is for my children to do the very best and if I know they can do better then they are doing of course I am going to push them even further. Though I am not going to put my kids down because they are not where I WANT them to be.

As far as parents understanding when we were teenagers.. though that does not mean we want our children to repeat what we did. I know I sure don't. I had my oldest at 18 and just because I did it.. does not mean my 18 year old should be doing it. Just because I may have cursed my mom out ( granted I never did.. this is just an example ) You will be sure I NEVER expect that from my children.

I only want what is best for my kids.. I do not want them to repeat the history I had... I want better for them.

My daughter who is 18 is no longer living with me, but that is because she felt it was OK to "walk all over me" ... though BEFORE she turned 18.. and was still in high school, Everything was fine. BUT when after she turned 18 all hell broke lose and I was NOT going to accept it... regardless !! So she moved out, and now lives with her boyfriend and his mom ... I do not agree with it.. and I sure the hell do not want her to be a mom at 18 !!

So I hope you can understand where us as parents are coming from but once you become a parent yourself you too will see what I mean.

Juniebee2 it sounds like your parents have very high expectations for you and push you alot to be someone you are not. Us parents tend to do this thinking it will motivate you to be this perfect child. I think you need to make a list of your accomplishments and sit down with your parents and go over that list with them. If you are doing the very best you can let them know this. If they do things that bother you tell them in a mature way. They may not know they are bothering or annoying you. Just know that although they may not be going about it right they do want you to be successful and they do love you...otherwise they wouldn't bother. Talk to them.

HisAmericanPrincess- Not all, or many, parents can say the same as you. Your kids are rather lucky.
Rockym- This is mostly things my friends tell me, since my mom doesn't really care. She let's me do whatever I want, go where ever I want when I want, and just doesn't care at all. It's pretty horrible, really. My friends used to think I was lucky until they realized she just REALLY doesn't care what happens to me. Now they feel sorry for me. But this post is on my friends' behalves. Their parents are always pushing them. I used the word 'we' because I didn't know how else to say it, 'the general population of teenages'? No. Anyways, no, my parents don't care. Well, parent. My mom's the reason the bad things in my life happen. (No, seriously. Once, one of her boyfriends cut me on the side of my stomach, I have a scar now.)

OMG Junibee222 - I am so sorry to hear about how you feel about your mom .. and what her BF had done to you :(
I am very sorry. I am also very sorry that your friends are going through all this ... Maybe you can give them the advice you are getting through here and bring it to them.

HisAmericamPrincess- It's not how I feel, it's how she is. But my friends don't know I go on this site, or of it, I'm sure. That's something they definitively don't nee to know.

Well the fact that you are on here indicates that you need to talk to someone and it's good that you are talking. As far as your friends go, my point was, some parents that push their kids, don't realize that they are doing this or how it makes their kids feel. To your situation, I am sorry you are in a home where there is no one to care for you or be there for you. Please try to not let this affect the outcome of your life. Even though you don't have a mom to help you make good choices in life, still do so on your own. If your mom or any one she brings into your home ever hurts you, tell someone, report it to the police. No one should ever be hurt in their own home. Do you have a relative that you could go live with? If so, talk to them about what's going on and try to get out of the living situation you are in if you are not able to get your mom to change. I don't know your situation completely, but I would still suggest you try to sit down with your mom and tell her how you feel, if she doesn't listen see if she will go to counseling with you to try to mend the relationship. Good luck and take care of yourself.

juniebee, first of all, I'm sorry for the position you are in. Not everyone should be a parent, but I don't know your mom or why she is the way she is, so I won't comment to that. As to your other questions, we push our kids because, sometimes they just coast otherwise and we want them to do better in life that we did. When my son studies and puts forth a medium amount of effort, he gets A on his exams and assignments. Problem is, most of the time he doesn't put in the effort and is happy with C or C+. When I ask, he says he wants to go to university. I tell him he won't get in with C and C+ marks. If he tried really hard and only got a C, I would be really happy and proud for the effort. You see, sometimes parents see things from a different perspective. Also, I don't know what it feels like to be a kid in this day and age. There are so many more distractions for kids now than when I was your age. I think life is a lot more complicated and in some ways much harder. However, financially, my kids are so much better off than either their dad or I were as kids. I had to work hard for everything I had, clothes, makeup, jewelry, my first car. Now, my kids have so much that it is hard to know what to get them for Christmas! Every generation feels that their parents are unreasonable. This is just the way it is. If you ever feel in danger at home, you need to talk to someone who you trust to help you. If no family, a counselor at school or someone else in a position to help. All the best.

Rockym- My sister is here, and she cares. She's 17. So I do have someone. We also live with another lady who is not related to me, but she's the one who owns the house and cooks for us and sometimes takes us to school. But my sister and I try not to bother her with anything because she doesn't have to do what she does, but she's kind. We used to have my brother, he would help us with anything he could, but he's in jail now. I do my best to make good choices because of my Mom. I don't want to be like her. I do good in school (A's), don't get in trouble much (except for the occasional fight out of school), I don't cuss or smoke or drink (even at my age, you'd be surprised how many do). I guess I could thank my mom, because I'm doing everything I can not to be like her. The sad thing is, she had both of her parents, not divorced, a nice house, they weren't poor, and they always had food in her childhood.
Hotmom1- Sometimes a C is the best I can get, and usally I get A's. So when I really think I'm going to fail a test, and then I get a C, I'm happy. Distractions... I guess we could call it that. From what I'm told from adults, kids are a lot meaner now. But I wouldn't know. As for the financial stuff, my mom was way better off as a kid. When I was about 5 (we lived in a different house), our electricity was shut off because my mom couldn't pay the bills. Next was the hot water. So for about 4 years we lived generally without electricity or hot water (we used the fireplace, candles, flashlights). We weren't allowed to tell anyone. My Daddy (he died when I was 11) would help when he could, and when he could spare the money we got it turned on for a month (the electricity, we never got the water back on). We got moth and fly infestations multiple times. We kept food in an ice chest (which was never full). All the while my mom's boyfriends would come and go, with lots of fighting, cops coming a few times a month. And that's not even the half of it.

It seems like a recurring cycle, doesn't it? The teens go out and make heaps of mistakes and run amuck, then they have kids and want them to be better. The kids do that but want better for their children. When will people realise it's just getting worse? Just because you did it, doesn't mean you want us to do it because you know what it's like.. You want to protect us, but you can't always. We will learn fro doing what you did, we need to make these mistakes for ourselves, and we won't stop doind what we naturally do becasue of it. Not to be unkind or anything, I thoght I'd just point out the cycle. I for one do not do 1/2 the things kids my age do. But that's through good judgement and has nothing to do with my parents. They couldn't have changed me, and they should just be glasd the got a child capabel of making the right choices. The reason parents try to protect us may be becuse they are afraid for us, knowing what it's like and all the dangers in the world. But it's funny, coz it's natural that we do them. It's just the factthat you've been there and you know about it that scares you. Don't be scared for us- we will be fine. Most of us will come out th other end, and will make fine adult. Theones who need a little coaxing have to seek it for themselves, if you offer it unwanted they'll just rebel even more to dare you to try and stop them. Let nature run its course, and in 10-20-even30 years, we will want better for our children than we know they will get.

I think it is hard to lump everyone together saying "always" or "never". I do have high expectations for my son (15). I do set the standard that he gets As. I pay him for each A. He gets rewards such as summer camps at a college because he is scholastic. He has goals to be an engineer. We set off that path when he was in 6th grade. He gets lots of outside influence that try to pull him off the path. I try to give him the guidance and focus to stay on track. All I ask is that he do his very best.

Kids don't have the ability to see cause and effect. I also believe they become what you expect of them. That is why parent's try to keep them on a good path. The goal is to become a responsible adult. Part of the whole plan is to have open communication and help the child identify what and who they want to be. Then help them become the best they can. If a parent isn't listening and won't allow the child to be who they want, then they need to adjust their view to be successful.

If my son had his way, he would live at home the rest of his life and play Xbox. He loves Xbox and he loves being home. What kind of adult would that be? How would he support himself and be a responsible adult if that is what I allowed? So I let him play Xbox but first he has to do his school work and help around the house. As he is getting older, he sees the benefit in studying, having good grades, being helpful, and caring about others.

Being a parent is tough. No one taught us how to do it. We are doing our best. Often it is based on how we were parented. Might not be right but that is what happens. Hopefully there is open communication and collaboration between the parent and their kids so both can get along and be on the same path.