Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

my daughter is 12, shes yelling every minute, complains about every thing Food ,close, alway asking for things, shes failing all her classes, its her pd, now, ive tryed to talk and reason with her, your not alone,bluebird

get the book teen-proofing by john rosemond. He gives practical advice and it is really working for my family. It may be typical, but that doesn't mean it is right. I mean, teen pregnancy, drug use, dropping out of school, that happens to many teenagers, but that doesn't mean it should happen. Just like your daughter could be taught by you how to appreciate her belongings. It sounds to me like she ungrateful because she has not learned the value of what you give her. try the book. It is great at showing you how to teach her. Mostly it is about you being her parent, more than a good friend. She doesn't have to always like you, but she does have to respect you. Good luck.

She's testing you to see what the boundaries are. Make sure you are confident when you calmly state those boundaries to her, and stick with them. If your instincts tell you that something isn't right (like a computer in a bedroom, unlimited cel phone priveleges, cash without chores, etc.), then it isn't right, and she needs to accept this. Don't get emotional, don't get drawn into dramatic outbursts or sarcastic comments, just state the facts. Good luck.

Thank you all for taking the time to help me realize that, while still not "ok", my daughters behavior is typical, and there are resources out there.

No advice, just support. I think unfortunately it is very typical these days. I cannot fathom acting like that as a teen either. If and when I got something it was treasured and appreciated. And we were not poor. If I got out of line, believe me I was brought back in in a very in your face manner. Teens know these days there is really nothing we can do that matters.

SophieT:
I think you are absolutely right. Ultimately all I can do is issue consequences for behavior that would make her not want to behave in that way... Why do we have to be the "lucky" generation of parents where the wheel is being reinvented??? Guess that's why there are support groups! :)

My daughter did the same thing. Complained that she didn't have this, that, and what she had wasn't good enough. My husband and I took her into the city and spend the day at a homeless shelter. She got to tour the facility were a family of 6 stayed in one small room, see the donation room where they got their "new" clothes, and then she got to help serve them a meal. She has not complained since. The attitude of entitlement and self-centeredness seems to be the theme of this generation. Don't feed into that by giving her better, newer, nicer things. Take her where she can see that she has so much to be grateful for. Best to you. Hugs

A friend of mine took a pretty drastic step when she had a similar problem with her teenage daughter.

First she called DSS to make sure she wouldn't get in trouble and she was told that as long as she provided safe shelter, proper clothing and nutritious food/drink she was fine.

While her daughter was at school one day, she took everything in her room and packed it up, except a mattress. She took all food and drink out except nutritious things, she packed all the 'unneeded' things (hairspray, curling irons, computer, tv, telephone, etc.), and she had the daughter's cell phone shut off.

The daughter came home upset about the phone but with dawning horror she noticed the rest of the house and all the THINGS that were gone. She raged and Mom just sat there. She threatened to call DSS and Mom calmly said, "I called them already and you are welcome to check but I was told that as long as I provided a safe home, proper clothes and nutritious food, I was doing ALL I need to do. So I am doing all I need to do as your Mother, IF you wish to earn the other things back, you must show gratitude for what you have, respect for me and all that I have done that is beyond what is NEEDED and do chores. There is no other discussion until I see a change in you." And she walked away.

After her daughter had done her chores for the day, she presented her clothes to wear to school the next day and said, "You will earn your things back but I will decide what you get back when." And she left.

Her daughter got the point and is still earning things back and knows her Mom can and will take it all away in a second.

We told our kids the story and the first thing they said was, "That sound like something you would do."

And we would and will IF we have to.

Gosh...my daughter is 14yrs old and she starting acting out at 13yrs old. I pray everyday that she gets over her attitude before I snap. If you find someway to nip in the bud,,,,please please tell me...lol. I feel it is my fault for spoiling her....my husband and I too didnt get everything we want and give her everything. But taking away her stuff makes her be nice for uh...about half a day until she gets it back.

The advice I shared from a friend in earlier post, we just did to our 12 and 13 year old. Their behavior and attitude didn't change right away so I explained that if it took them too long to straighten out and do what they needed we had no problem with selling their stuff.

Now their doing their things and having a better attitude about it.