What is Ages 12-18 Teenagers
Adolescence is the period of psychological and social transition between childhood and adulthood (gender-specific, manhood, or womanhood). Someone in Adolescence is called a Teenag...
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Confused and Concerned
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I have posted this elsewhere but looking for help here too
I have a problem and I don't know what to do. Hoping some of you might have experienced something similar. My son is 12 and in high school at a private school. All his life he has had a violent streak but rarely get into fights. Last night he had a fight with his younger step brother. Apparently he punched him in the back of the head a few times amongst other things, the other child was hitting back too but he is younger so not as strong. He knows the implications of hurting someone in this way but maybe, as kids do, he just hit the closest thing to him. He was also answering back when confronted about the fight. They usually average about 2 physical fights a year if that. Now we have had to leave the house because my other half thinks he and his kids are in danger of getting hurt . My son doesn't often lash out (usually all talk) in the past but mentioned that he has had a few fights at school this year. I haven't heard anything from the school so am feeling that they weren't serious fights, none the less a fight is a fight. He has been on detention a few times in the past couple of weeks also. As an added twist, and maybe better for a new discussion but, he likes to talk about sexual topics and bodily functions alot now. I am sure he doesn't really understand what he is talking about half the time but some of the things he comes out with are rather accurate. I am guessing that boys talk at lunch time at school and then they talk to the girls and start trying to figure things out for themselves. Because of the above two situations my other half now thinks that my son is destined for jail when he is older for violent behaviour and possibly rape. My questions are:- 1. Do other 12 year old boys talk about sexual things in front of their parents (mother)? 2. How often do other boys fight and/or how much is normal vs too much. 3. Is my other half overreacting? (He has a tendancy to do that) 4. What if he is right, is it too late to try and help my son or has the bad behaviour already set in at this age? Thank you for reading and sorry if something like this has been posted previously as I don't come in here very often. Posted on 09/08/09, 12:09 am |
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My son is 13. I remember the fights at school in 6th grade. I also drive a school bus and I can tell ya fighting at that age seems to be normal.They start to go thru puberty and the hormones just seem to get to them.
The sex talking, well I know that they can seem a bit perverted on the bus as well, but not just the boys. I had to move a pair of 6th graders(12-13 yr olds) for making out. I have always encouraged my son to talk to me freely about anything and everything since he was young. We talk about sex , fighting, friends, and almost anything you can think of. So yes he does talk about sexual things with me. As far as if your other half is overreacting, well i'm not sure about that. My brother and I used to get into some nasty arguments. My older sister and I used to get into fistfights a couple times a year or so and she is 7 yrs older then me. Siblings fight, whether they are full or step i can tell ya they fight. My niece and nephew lived with me for 9 months and they loved my son and he them but they still fought now and then. 
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I don't mind my son talking to me about anything at all, my thoughts are I'd rather know than not, that way he will always come to me if he needs something. I just wasn't sure if other parents drew the line at content or not.
I remember as a kid fighting with my best friend over things also and it wasn't a constant thing either so I figured kids hve their moments. Thank you for your reply.
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Yes we have to talk about sex, my son is 15, hes has ask almost every thing about both sexes, Give short answers, but them long talks, so they no the right information,child are very curious,about everything you can do it, it shocked me too, some of the questions, but its our job as parents,get the right infor, fine a book with pictures, dont you want him to no the truth, you may learn something too, good luck,... fighting make him say hes sorry, try not to fight, set the rules, in the home, listen to all of them, but tell him fight is wrong you do end up in jail, fine special time to be together, movie night, give him another chance, our job is to love forgive and lead or guide, iam in the same boat, 12 yrs old girl,too
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There is a time and a place for discussing certain matters. I would never want to send the message to my son that talking about sex or bodily functions is wrong.....BUT he must talk about these things in a respectful way. A way that is NOT offensive or crude. If my son sounded demeaning or overly silly about his talk of sex....I would want to know why he is acting immature about these things....does he feel uncomfortable about what he is speaking of? And if he does....why? What can I do to make him view sex and bodies in a more healthy manner?
You say that your son has a violent streak....and that he doesn't lash out often...and that he has been in trouble in school lately....and that when he did lash out.....it almost sounds like your son was NOT in control of his anger at all. I would be concerned if this were my son....I'd be worried that he could wind up out of my home for hurting someone and in the juvenile system. It only takes ONE bad incident. If I were the parent of the other boy.....the weaker smaller sounding boy who didn't even fight back much....I'd be worried for his safety. I think my kid has a right to feel safe in his own home just as I deserve to feel at peace in my own home. I would expecially be concerned as it almost sounds like the situation is escallating and not getting better...... considering fights in school this year. Although...it sounds like only you and your husband know the true nature and intent of these fights and sex talk. It is hard to give you good feedback because your post does not describe the nature of the incidents. Is the sex talk harmless and curious or degrading sounding like he is gaining power from the talk? Is the fighting uncontrolled anger or self defense?
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