What is Ages 12-18 Teenagers
Adolescence is the period of psychological and social transition between childhood and adulthood (gender-specific, manhood, or womanhood). Someone in Adolescence is called a Teenag...
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Don't think I can do this....HELP!!!! Needed ASAP
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OK so things aren't going so well with my niece now...she has this major attitude when we (or I ) tell her no on something. She went and made plans behind our backs to spend the weekend at her boyfriends in another state and when she told me about them I told her no she got mad. Then her new friend came over and they wanted to go walking after dark and when I told her no she got even madder. Now she's storming around the house like we owe her something and won't say a word to us. And when she does it's with a major attitude like she's waisting her breath! I don't know how to handle this since she's been through so much, I don't want to make things worse yet I don't wanna deal with her attitude because I set rules either. This is so hard....I'm confused and annoyed and pissed all at the same time. I honestly don't know what the hell I'm doing.....my husband says treat her like she's my daughter. But if I do, she WILL hate me cause I don't agree on alot and have strict rules for my kids. Plus it's hard to do cause I've never raised a teen. So how do I know how to treat her if I never had to raise one before? I just wish someone would tell me exactly what to allow and say and what not to. Any suggestions???? My head is spinning and I'm losing patience fast. I could really use some help and FAST!!!!
Posted on 09/02/09, 08:09 pm |
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Hello my friend : )
Here's a suggestion... Time for a meeting. But! Because she's a teenager, she's going to do what teenager's do the best. Test boundaries. She's also going to rrsist the authoritarian parenting style. I suggest you position the conversation in such a way so as to include her in establishing ra set of her own rules...just as you do. By doing so, you will reduce/buffer the resistance and will engage her participation and regard. Giving her a chance to define her own rules will also help her to see that it isn't just about you and your rules (one-sided). Rebellion is to be expected. I wish you luck and hope this is helpful. 
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What your gut tells you is wrong, is wrong. You do set the boundaries, and also the consequenses for breaking house rules. Let her know what privleges are available to her for following the rules, so that she won't see you as a warden, and will know that you can be reasonable. Do not be afraid of the negative reactions, they are normal and to be expected. You have to exercise the maturity to know the difference between right and wrong, and not get caught up with trying to be her friend, when what she needs is an authority figure. When your head is spinning and you don't know what to do, you need to take a break, and distance yourself for awhile until you can make a decision. By doing this you are also emulating for your neiece how to behave under stress. Never resort to yelling, keep arguments calm and respectful. It has taken four years of ongoing therapy with my son for me to be able to give this advice. My son and I are now able to disagree or even have an argument that is non-emotional and productive. I had to go through many tearful, screaming, frustrating nights to get to this point, and it is my hope that you don't have to be put through this. But if you do, you do, and that is the nature of teenagers. Hugs and godd wishes.
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