Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

Lisa
I do think you are doing the right thing.
It is called self-preservation and if it is to a point where there is such ugliness and hatred going on between everyone then I do believe for your own well-being and sanity that you keep on with the "tough Love" approach with her sounds like she is gonna do what she wants to do but in the end when things start to crumble and she realize the errors of her ways maybe then she'll realize Mom was right.Hang in there be strong-
and stick to your guns don't give up and don't give in!


xx

Cookie

I am so much with you. We can't control what our children do and what they choose. We can only guide them and hope the go down a good path. You have to detatch with love. I'm also doing the same thing to my 15 yr. old daughter. She has emotionally destroyed everyone in our home, she has bi-polar, odd and pstd. It has been a long journey with her actions and behavior and I can't take it anymore. She is living with my oldest daughter and I support her expenses. Her father does nothing to help me, I was on the edge of a divorce and my 11 year old has emotionally changed because of her. She has to be accountable for her actions, just like your daughter. If mine ends up in the system and goes to a foster home or a rehabilitaion faucility, it is what it is. Our hearts hurt being a mother, we still love them no matter what, we just have to take care of ourselves and our needs. They will grow up one day but sometimes they have to go down this hard path to get there. If you need someone I am here to talk. My heart is so with you. Kelly

I wonder what you mean by "cut ties". Did you kick her out and change the locks on the doors, or did you just cut the emotional ties?

I agree that our kids need our guidance. Hooray that you told her your concerns what you think of her actions.

I, too, have been very saddened when I saw my kids make friends with people I didn't like, and when they broke friendships with people I really liked a lot. But those are their choices. I am out of place if I interfere with their choice of friends. Our daughters need us to be on thier side. They need to know that we'll catch their pieces when they fall. We must make sure they know that we love them more than we love their friends.

I am so sorry for all that you're going through. I know what it's like to juggle too much, to be overwhelmed by life's challenges. It's so hard to be all that we want to be for our kids when we have other matters to attend to.

I hope you are taking time for your self, to mourn, and feel the emptiness that your mother's passing left. More than anything, your daughter needs you to do whatever you need to do to adjust.

You don't "have to" drive her anywhere. In my house, a ride is a privilage that must be earned. When one of my kids is being pleasant and great to have around and is keeping up with their responsibilities, my husband and I are glad to drive them wherever they want to go. On the other hand, when one of my kids is disruptive, there is no way we will be talked into giving them a ride, even though we would LOVE to get them out of the house for a while.

I wonder if you and your daughter could go get her a learner's permit, and if you could help her learn to drive. Again, this is a privilege. My son was very disruptive in so many ways, and he only got to be behind the wheel when he was respectful to me. As soon as he was disrespectful, the driving lesson ended and we switched seats. When he refused to switch seats, he was docked from my driving lessons for a period of time, or until he admitted that what he did was wrong and apologized and made a significant effort to make amends with me. But when he behaved himself, our driving lessons were some of the best times we had together. We had great talks, and it was just really pleasant time together.

Wishing you well...

I of all people should not be giving advice, but would like to offer my support. My daughter,17, left to live with a friend after I found pornographic picture of her and the worst kid I've ever met in my life, on her phone. She now hates me, but loves my husband (used to be the opposite)we have decide to basically emancipate her at this point as we have no control over her. we've bben to counseling on and off for 3 years, are involved with the school, have not raised her to hang out with complete losers, but that is what has happened. It is so hard to be judged by people who don't have kids who are stubborn,wild,and uncontrollable. Just want to say, I've bben ther, actually am there now. good luck.If anyone has any words of wisdom for me they would be welcome.

I really don't have any advise for you exept that you are not alone in your struggles. I have a 18 year old daughter that has just moved out on her own and I thought it was going to be on good terms only to find out that she doesn't want anything to do with us her father and mother and younger sister. She is hanging around a wrong crowd. It is breaking my heart and I too don't know what to do. I just wanted to let you know that others are having the same problems.