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13 Year-Old Insubordinate Girl! HELP!!!
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I need advice.... I have a 13 year old who has over the last few months gotten out of hand.. from losing her virginity to disrespectful actions toward her teachers and peers and well as the house(coming in when she please, screaming at younger siblings etc.) We did move from one state to another for many reason one being a disturbing phone call I received from her school right before the winter break that I now believe considering her recent behavior.
I have tried every disciplinary action that I can think of and no change... I have sat down with her and had a great conversation getting to the bottom of some of the issues and we as I thought made a great break through but only days later she reverts to the same ole thing. Attention she gets, great family structure is here, father in her life as well as other males like uncle, older brothers, step father of 8 years. and I her mother giver her more attention than anyone because I was afraid what has come to pass would and now look where I am. We together and separately have talked to her...I've come up with plans that we both agree to to help her get back in line and 2 months and nothing. She comes in at 12 and 1am leave it up to me she will be outside in a sleeping bag but I will get the law called on me. Her grades have gone from A-B's to F's and as far as grades in the last 3 weeks she has been on it because she's scared to fail in her own words. I'm at my wits end and don't have a clue which way to turn.. Ive talked to a counselor who's advice was to get her a little space, well we live in NYC where the streets is no place for a 13 year old female that barely know where she lives. I have called the police who never respond and at this point my concern has turned into fear. Posted on 03/31/12, 02:44 am |
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Wow, this sounds difficult. Sorry if this is obvious, but have you sat her down and in a calm, respectful manner discussed your concerns with her? Perhaps trying to (again calmly)lay some ground rules that you can both agree on. For example: I provide meals, clothes, laundry and whatever else, and you do your school work, come home by 9 (or whatever) you agree on. If you don't do your end, I will stop buying you clothes,(except bare minimum) you can cook your own meals, I won't do your laundry. Might be worth a try. My son got mad at me for being in his room (I was cleaning it) so he had to bring out his laundry, put away his clean clothes, bring out any garbage, make the bed etc. If I asked him once and he didn't get it done in a reasonable time, I would go in his room and do it (which he didn't want) It worked really well. Good luck. 
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Thank You Hotmom1 and I and we have tried this...The conversations her and I had where in my eyes amazing like they use to be before August of last year, to add her step-father has taking her to the side almost in tears talking to her as if she was his only child, So I have talked and to date 4 times in a month and it seems as if it's going in one ear she's agreeing to terms just to satisfy me for that moment and 2-3 days later back at it again.
I cook for the family and I have told her to cook for herself but I notice that she will sit back and wait for me to remove myself to get the little ones ready for bed then she's warming up leftovers...I took all of her cloths out if the new dressers that I provided and placed them in a suitcase and gave her a sleeping bag to lay in the hallway after walking in the house at 1am this past weekend and all of this is after the many talks where she promises to do her best for herself and respect this home... It's spring and if it was not for the rain she would have a tent up in the backyard at this point. Again I have tried a little of everything and it all scream back I don't care because you have to do it. She even had the audacity to throw in my face "well remember you said if anything happens to me you care so you have to or something will happen" o_0 I wanted to slap her senseless but we were in a public setting. I def didn't think about the laundry but will do that starting today and taking away soap, along with fixing just enough food for the other children myself and their father. I'm going crazy over here!
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What does your daughter say that she wants. I don't mean things like her freedom or to be left alone, but rather what she wants to do with her life and her future. My kids figured they would live in a nice house and drive nice cars and have nice clothes. We told them that those things cost a lot of money and we wouldn't provide them after graduation. If they go to school, we will help them out, but if not, they have to fend for themselves. It was a bit of an eye opener for them. Both their dad and I have gone to university and we make a decent living. I explained minimum wage to them and they don't like that idea. Maybe your daughter is just a bit lost about where she is headed in life. Would she be interested in joining some sort of sports team or other type of group to keep her focused?
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