Parenting Toddlers (1-3) Support Group

My son's only 8 months old so I don't know if the same wisdom applies but he used to fuss a lot if I give him to his daddy and I'm in the same room. Once I started handing him over and walking away he got used to it very quickly and now looks forward to his daddy time. Perhaps just give Trea to Dillon and go to another room for a while.

Give your son time to adjust. He didn't have a choice about you starting a relationship and it could possibly be that he's not sure if your new man is going to be staying around. It can be very confusing for kids when their parents split up.

A few things to try:

Stop having Dillon discipline your son altogether. My sister in law's boyfriend has a son from a previous relationship. When my SIL sees that James, the little boy, is doing something wrong, she immediately calls for her boyfriend to come manage the problem. She is not involved at all when it comes to discipline and its been working out really well for them. There is no good cop or bad cop. Discipline is left up to the parent.

Get out of the house. There are plenty of things you can do that don't cost a dime. Pack a picnic and go out to a park or playground. Go out in the yard and let Trea build mud castles or play with other kids. Having an outlet may help cut back on Trea's aggression.

When is the last time you devoted an entire day to just your son? Since kids generally like stability, set aside one specific day a week for some good quality time with him. Watch his favorite movies, cook his favorite food, enjoy each other's company and try to do everything you can to make him smile or laugh. Replace negatives with positives.

Stand back and try to notice if you did anything differently between the times that Trea was being nice to your boyfriend compared to the times that is wasn't. There will be subtle hints there, you just really have to open your eyes to see them. This will point to what went wrong and why Trea's behavior changed.

I feel different.

as adults believe it or not we can get fooled more then kids at times. All he has to do is look at him a way or anything that small and the child will know he doesn't like him. It sounds your child is trying to tell you something and i would LISTEN! "banging on the door and not wanting to be left with him" that is a huge sign to think about. I WOULD NOT WOULD NOT leave him alone with your child at this time.

This happen to me and my son. He didn't like him and I thought it was my son. Because my son didn't warm up to people well. BUT IT WASN"T My son would do things on purpose when I came home..like things he wasn't allowed to and then look at my boyfriend..like " what you going to do now" that was sign enough for me. My son was right about him and it took him getting hurt before we left.

I don't suggest you leave, BUT you need to find out why your son is acting this way. I would trust your son more then this man any day!!!

YES DO NOT LET HIM CORRECT your child at ALL! He has to earn that and that takes a LONG time.

there are video camera's you can get that look like teddy bears! I would get one and set it up.

Bottom line your child is 2 and this man is living with you guys. There is NO REASON for a boy this age to worried about not liking someone and I could put MONEY on it that your boyfriend did something.

I may even tell him you would like him to move out till you figure out what is happening with your son. That is your right!!!! And duty! If he understands great HE SHOULD. If not then so be it. But you need to protect your son. This can be hard BUT it is the most important thing right now. and in the long run it will be better for your relationship!

Also there is a sugar time as I call it. Lots of men want you but not your children . but they ACT nice to them. He maybe nice to you and you never said you left him alone with your son SO how do you know what he would do ? YOU DONT!

See, I'm thankful for the advice about not letting my boyfriend disipline him at all. I think your right about that. But what makes me mad is that I said that my son is NEVER left alone with my boyfriend. When I go somewhere, I ALWAYS take my son! And when I have classes, I take my son to daycare EVERYTIME and he is NEVER left alone with my bf! Theres no way he has been abused by him! If I did leave them alone together, then I'd feel the need to look into that. I would have ALREADY thought of that! But I DONT! So I KNOW its not that! My son comes first and if there was anyway he was being abused, I'd leave and take him with me in a heart beat but there is just no way!
I know Dillon loves my son bc I'm always there when they are together and I see how it is. I get irritated when its like someone had their child abused and all of a sudden thats the first thing that comes to mind in someone else's problems with bf's and children even when I stated that they are NEVER alone!
I will devote an entire day to my son to just play with him alone each week. I did try this approach before and it didnt work bc by the end of the day when we went home, my son didnt understand why I wanted to be around Dillon at all after that. Like our day together to Trea was a sign that it was supposed to be just the two of us again. I think it confuses him. Like I said before, I spend the majority of my time with my son already. Doing all that I can to let him know that he's #1 in my life bc he is! After a full day just me and Trea, when we go home to Dillon that night, Trea is even meaner to Dillon. I will CONTINUE to let my son know he is number 1 in my life by spending the majority of my time with him but I really think my son just wants it to be just me and him or something. I think he would do this to any guy I dated.

While I agree that you should keep your eyes open for signs of abuse, and not to let the boyfriend/stepparent dicipline him. I think this may be more just normal two year old behavior. My son has rejected his own biological father at times starting at about 2 years old. Only mommy could put him to bed, brush his teeth, help him eat and daddy was totally left out. It's just what kids do.
He's four now and I still can hardly ever go to the bathroom by myself! He will stand at the door banging on it. He's probably just totally into you right now. Thats normal.
Whats really going to hurt is when your son switches and suddenly only Dillon can do things for him. That happens too.
It broke my heart when only daddy could put my son to bed but, thats the way it is and is supposed to be.
Keep your eyes open, keep looking for any way you can to get the two of them to bond but don't force it.
I think this is just a normal confusing two year old thing.

I agree with Carina. It could just be favoritism with your son. My daughter used to worship the ground that my husband walked on. Now, she only wants mommy. It's been constantly going back and forth since she was born.

I kind of figured that you are around your son all of the time, so I doubt abuse is the issue. I think this is more of an issue of being torn between you and his biological father. Since daddy could be taken out of the equation, a huge sense of security flew out of the window. This brings reality hard on him, where he now might worry about losing mommy as well. Its a pretty scary thing for a little one to go through. All you can do is give him time, wait it out, help build up his confidence, and be as patient and loving as possible.

Does your son still have contact with your ex? Maybe that is where the problem is?

Well, when I was still with Trea's dad, they wernt very close. Trea's real dad had little to no patients with Trea. We disagreed alot bc he seemed to get irritated with Trea so easily! Like somehow he expected him to act like an adult. And this was at age 1! So me and Trea were close right from the get go. I mean, when Trea was first born I was sick and in pain so I asked that Joey get up with Trea a little more than me at night. I would breast pump for a while before bed and have the bottles ready. Well I woke up one night with my ex telling my newborn to shut up. So BIG problems from the get go. My ex didnt mind yelling at me in frount of our son. Trea wanted to be with me and not his dad. Now that I've been split with his dad for a year and a half I feel good. But since I've started the paperwork for custody and child support, Trea's dad wants to fight me. Not really him, his family wants to fight me. So they push him to try to fight me for custody. I'm not too worried about it bc I am in school for 2 more weeks then I already have a job lined up. I have the money saved for a place and one more car payment. Soon I move into a better place with my son and boyfriend. Trea's dad doesnt have a job or a place. He lives with his dad. Plus he's an alcoholic. He quit drinking 3 years ago but started back when we split up. I cant prove that in court though. Anyway, I'm working my butt off for my son and Trea's happiness and health come FIRST to me.
But thats not the topic I started. Sorry! I will keep doing the best I can to make Trea feel comfortable with Dillon. I guess it will just take more time. Thats ok.
LOL, I do kinda like that he's close to me more than anyone. I just dont want him to feel uncomfortable with Dillon.
Thank you for the input and sorry I was a little short with some. Its really great to have daily strenth and ppl like you guys!

AS per your last post does your sons father talk bad about your new guy?

I would try spending some time extra with him with out the new BF and see if his behavior changes. I kind of agree with the other post and watch out for signs he is giving you, Children can control your life but at the same time life is all about them right.
Maybe you and your BF sould take a step back maybes its too soon for someone to be in your lifes right now. well living with eachother.

If I move out away from my boyfriend, what kind of message is that going to send my son? That if he doesnt like a boyfriend of mine, I'll move out.
Life is more about my son than it is me. All of the decisions I make have to be good for him. Thats why I would NEVER be in a relationship with a mean or abusive man! But parents are people too. We deserve happiness too! What if it was Trea's real father that Trea didnt like? Would I be a better parent to move away from him?
It doesnt make any since that I should leave Dillon bc Trea doesnt like him when I never leave them alone and I know Dillon is very good to Trea. I've been with Dillon for a year now. We plan to get married someday. I know he loves Trea!
I think Carina is right. I think its just a 2 year old thing. I'm not teaching my son that I'll live lonely and leave a perfictly sweet good guy bc Trea would rather us be alone! I would never let a man hurt my son! But I'm a person too and if I have a good man in my life that is good to my son and helps support him too, I'm not leaving him. That wouldnt teach my son anything except that my happiness doesnt matter at all. Thank you anyway.

Ok, let me start off by saying that I don't know all of the details or see any of the interactions between your son and Fiance and what I'm about to say is just food for thought and in no way accusing anyone of anything.

That being said, with the information given and personal experience, I see a big red flag. I could see a kid not liking a potential addition to the family for awhile and I do know that 2 year olds are fickle but it would alarm me if there has not been any positive interactions in the year that you two have been dating. Sometimes kids can sense things about people that we can't.

Has your Fiance reached out to, perhaps, a step-parent support group? I assume you have talked to your son about why he does'nt like him, what does he say? How does your Fiance feel about the situation? I assume its very frustrating.

As for never being alone, and this is not accusatory in any way, but things can happen when you briefly leave a room or in the night while you are asleep. Trust me, if there is intent, there is time, no matter how brief. Some things are harder to detect than others.

You are right though, live with your children, not for them. You have a right to happiness, as does your child, and I hope that you both can find a resolution.