Parenting Toddlers (1-3) Support Group

Wow, it's hard for me to read those articles. They are telling me that I am a defunct human being because my mom swatted me on the bottom. That I am incapable of empathy and/or wisdom.

That may not be your intent but that is how I recieve it. I feel that I need to respond to the inquiry of spanking without frustration, anger, and annoyance. I don't have much experience with spanking my own children, but I can tell you that I really, really love them and to suggest that I want to hurt them really hurts my feelings. I want to show them that some things are not acceptable and a swat on the bottom is the last resort in a situation, an exclamation point if you will, after time outs and discussions about innapropriate behavior and possible solutions have not been heeded. My kids don't make me mad but I do get frustrated and I have been given some tools to cool myself down before I do anythinh to my kids that I might regret. Most the time I have to stop myself from laughing before I need to reprimand for drawing "gircles" on the wall.

I'm not saying I'm only "pro-spanking", what I'm saying is while there is a definite wrong way, as you have experienced Ciora (and I am so terribly sorry that you have), is there really a right way? We all do our best and hope that our children take what we have bestowed and grow and live to be the best they can be.

I think that spanking is horrible. The only remote form aggression we should show our children is grabbing them away from danger. Don't spank....Get down on the childs level and scold if you have to

I've never had to spank my daughter. and she can be a hellion

Spanking is a last resort punishment for me. I only use it if the kids are putting themselves in danger or someone else in danger. Stuff like running in a parking lot or street or I might pop their hand if they are touching something like the stove or an iron. The youngest has only had 1 spanking in her life for putting her mouth on the muffler of the car. If it was hot it would have burnt her. I don't think children should get spanked for every little thing though. Timeouts work great when you are consistent with them.

I was not only spanked but physically abused, the full fledged beatings. Along with that, mental abuse. I don't know that the physical abuse really affected me in the long run, but the mental abuse sure did.
I watched my sister not discipline her kids at all because of what our dad did to us; which I think is wrong too. I'm not completely against spanking, but everyone's kids are different. I'm lucky enough to have a very happy and easygoing toddler, but I have a friend who does not. He is hell on wheels and almost impossible to control. So I can't speak for her, as I can't relate having a child like that.
Bottomline, as an abused child myself, I don't feel more aggressive.

Yeah my son is like your friends HELL ON WHEELS, but loveable too dont get me wrong I wish I knew a better way.

I'm not really sure how I feel about spanking. I know growing up I was smacked one time with the belt for taking my younger sister up to our pond by myself - which I will definitely say was a warranted punishment. After that though, knowing the threat was there was enough to keep us in line. As a parent that hasn't affected me at all. Time outs are the general form of punishment in our house, and I will say that there has been a small smack on the hands here and there. The only time I ever smacked her bottom, which was more out of fear for her than anger was when she ran away from me when I was putting stuff in the car, and started running around the parking lot. I can't say that I was wrong there, and I would do it again if that type of situation arose. So, I guess I don't think spanking is bad in extreme circumstances, but it should not be used as an overall punishment constantly. I can fully understand how it can affect children once they are adults - some people become violent from it and others become totally passive and won't punish their child at all (I've seen both). I think it just comes down to finding a happy medium with punishments and not using spanking, like many of you have said, when you are angry.

I don't think it does. My kids get spankings only when they are seriously needed. Like if one of them does something that could seriously hurt themselves or others, or has done something very inappropriate. Like running out in the road, saying bad words (only my 4 year old, havent had that issue with my 2 year old yet, thank God).. but I had spankings as a child and I have no resentment towards my parents whatsoever. I only had 3 or 4 and I remember them and what they were for. I wasn't a hard child to raise from what my parents say, but my brother on the other hand, was a different story. He had quite a few more spankings than me, but was also destructive and did things that could hurt himself a lot but he also has no resentment or distrust towards my parents at all. He probably never even thinks about it. Ive never heard him ever say anything about it. Hes not aggressive at all, and neither am I. And neither are my boys, they dont have issues with being aggressive towards other kids, other than when they get in a fight with each other and even then its more like wrestling not hitting or punching each other.