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Panic attacks, lost job, custody battle, HELP!!!!
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(I've also posted this in the Panic attack forum)
I've been having so many panic attacks lately and I'm feeling almost just devistated bc I have lost my job due to the frequent attacks! I was going to try to taper off my clonazepam but I've decided to put that off for a bit. I'm currently going through a custody battle with my son's father. I had origionally wanted to just share custody with him without involving the court. Then he told me he wanted to have our son during the week and me on the weekends. Then he filled for child support (when we both agreed not to do that), then I found out our son was actually only spending one day a week with his dad. Everytime he'd go to see his dad, he would send him 45 mins away to stay with his 73 yr old grandma until Friday. I wanted my son with me this entire time but when I found all this out, I went ahead and just got my son and he's living with me now. Me and my boyfriend are serious about eachother and plan to get married in a few years when we are 27. We are very much in love and he's very good to me and my son! My son used to not like him but he's really starting to! For the first time in my life, it feels like family! A real family between the 3 of us! I would never try to keep my son away from his biological father unless he was being mistreated. But I was advised to keep my son with me until we were able to go to court and custody was legally established. His father has already threatened to keep him from me and I know its just for the child support money! Why else would he get him from me knowing I want him with me, just to send him to his grandma's for 4 days until it was my turn again? He did this several times! And now I dont even have a job to give him money. Anyway, I have help with my son from my boyfriend and his family. So whenever I have a panic attack, somebody is always there to help with him. But I did loose my job bc of the attacks and it was a good job! It paid well, good hours. I was just having these horrific attacks every day! Having to leave bc I couldnt stand sitting at my desk. I couldnt concentrate on my work! Now I'm so upset!!!! I'm out of work and I know thats not going to help me in court! I dont know what to do!!!! I cant loose my son! What should I do??? I have an apt with my therapist for next Monday. I will talk to her about this too. I take 1mg clonazepam at night and 1 during the day when I need it. I've needed it durning the day alot more than I wanted to lately! Posted on 09/28/09, 12:09 pm |
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Collect what evidence you need for the custody hearing and get yourself a good lawyer. Talk to your therapist and have her write up an evaluation about the reasoning behind your being in therapy. I remember before that you said that your ex was abusive. Really, it can be considered child neglect to leave your son with such an individual. Explain how the father is not trustworthy enough to be the main carer, while you have the potential to surround your son with a complete family environment.
You are seeking help for your problems. The judge will clearly see that as long as you have the paperwork stating that you are. You can even go into explaining that you lost your job because you were abused and damaged by your ex. If you talk to your lawyer, ask advice on if you should go out and try to get another job- even if its not permanent, it may look better on you if you are trying to support yourself and your son. I'm so glad to hear that your son is getting along with your boyfriend now! I also hope that your boyfriend is helping around the house more. Take some time to relax and clear out your head! It may help cut back on those panic attacks. Has your therapist evaluated you for PTSD? ((hugs)) I hope things start to look up for you. You're in my prayers. 
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Keep logs of EVERYTHING.
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Well I dont know what evidence I can collect? I know Trea's father lives with his father. They are all alcoholics. I had to pick up my son a few months ago and had my 7 year old neice with me. We both saw that there were beer cans and alcohol bottles everywhere! And the place was so filled with roaches you couldnt look anytwhere and not see at least 3! I checked the cabinets and there was at least 200 crawling in there! No exageration! But Joey (Trea's father) had said he was getting the bug man to come spray. I wish I woulda gotten pictures!!!! They could have cleaned it all up by now. Probably have! I dont have a lawyer yet. I called legal aid and they were supposed to get back in touch with me over a week ago! I'm going to have to call them back.
Its all so stressful! I just have to have my baby with me! I think I can start up a house cleaning service. I used to put flyers everywhere and ppl would call and I'd make a little money doing that. Would that look good in court as a job?
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You should join the anxiety group too.
I also don't think that they are allowed to fire you over panic attacks. I'd see what you can do about getting your job back. And in the mean time get all your evidence and keeps logs. I doubt the courts will take your son away from his mom. So try not to worry about that. And I have bad anxiety and familiar with panic attacks almost daily, so I'm here if you need support. I'm also familiar with trouble with my son's father, although we disagree, we try to make everything ok.It's a frustrating thing to go through.
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Yes, that would look like you are trying to work. Its actually a good idea. Just make sure you claim taxes on it and make sure you don't need a business license for it.
If you can get your son to talk to the judge about the mess of a house his dad has, it will not look good at all for your ex. Do you have a cell phone that you can snap pictures with next time you go out to visit? It might be a good idea, even if you borrow someone's to get the evidence you need. I agree with Bistro- keep everything logged. Go out and buy a notebook so that you can keep daily records (or just of the days that your ex has your son or you have to interact with your ex). Don't forget to log times and dates, as well. Make notes if you see anything that concerns you- anything that could be a safety hazard, cause harm to your son, etc. Lastly, write how long your son stayed with his father and what they did while he was over there. Here's the kicker- be nice to your ex. No matter what he does or says, keep a smile on your face and try to be pleasant. Kindness will confuse him as well as give you more legal ground to say that you were attempting to be civil (if the judge questions you about this, say that you did it for your son). If the cat claws come out, it can look bad on you. Above all else, keep yourself out of harm's way. If you can, always have someone with you when you are dealing with your ex. That way, you are not the only witness to what is going on over there. (Your witness can later write up a report and that could help build up your case even further) Good luck to you, hun!
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Is the battle causing panic attacks?
I would seek help to get the panic attacks under control and see what the cause of them are. something is making you freak out even if you are not thinking about at that time. Keep records of things about your son when he is with his father, take pictures with a disposab;e camera not digital. Great that it is working with the BF but you still have to be dependant on yourself and do for your son. at times if you can have someone go with you to be a witness when you pick your son up. best of luck your baby needs to be a good enviroment and best of luck to you getting him.
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