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I miss my son! Dont know what to do!
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(I copied and pasted this from a journal entry I just wrote)
I'm having a really hard time these days! I have been so stressed and anxious and depressed! Oh so many things seem to be going wrong for me! I havent seen my 2 and a half year old son in 2 weeks. He's with his dad. Every time I go get him, he doesnt want to go with me! My boyfriend is really nice to him but he hates my boyfriend. He's a smart little boy (not just saying that), so I figure what it is is that he may be jealous of the new man in my life. Honestly I made the transition from my son's father to a new boyfriend pretty fast. Its not something that I'm proud of. My son's dad was very emotionally abusive and I had made friends with this guy at my old job. Just kinda went from there. So I know my son(Trea), probably sees me with my bf (Dillon) and remembers when I was with his dad and that probably bothers him. But I have been with this guy for 6 or 7 months now and I live with him now at his place (really his parents place, I've always had a knack for picking the real "go getter's"). I know if I want my son to spend the night or nights with me, that means him having to be around my bf whome he hates and screams everytime he sees him! So when I go to pick up my son, he screams and runs to his dad trying to hide from me! It just kills me! Then the whole time he is with me he wont hug me, he clinches up when I touch him. He just looks at me with such loss of love! And I try to hug him, to play with him, to take him to the park, got him some finger paints and let him go nutts in the yard. He wants no part of it or me! So I'm at such a loss! I've just been letting him stay with his dad. I want sooooo badly to get him and have him with me but it hurts so bad knowing he hates being with me! I feel like, I just dont want him to be miserable so I leave him alone. Like I thought about, until the housing authorities come through and get me into a place where my son can have his own room, then I'd just let him stay with his dad and I'll visit with him once a week for a few hours. This kills me but I dont know what else to do!!!! I feel like such a bad mother! Then theres my boyfriend. Sometimes we are happy but we do have problems. He doesnt work. He says he's going to get another job but hasnt had one for months and doesnt try! He makes a few small attempts when hes MADE to. Small attempts. He told me last night he is going to change. I guess we will see. I'm just used to comming home from work and he's still asleep or he's playing video games in the middle of the day. The bedroom is a huge mess! His mom ONLY asks him to do the dishes and he doesnt even do that! I'm really hopeing he changes! I wouldnt have my son around him at all yet out of fear that its not going to work and I dont want my son to get attached (fat chance it seems), but if I want my son to spend time with me its going to have to be at Dillon's house. Thats the only place I can go with him besides the park but its getting ready to get cold. What do I do?!?!?!?! Posted on 09/10/09, 01:09 pm |
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You do what you know you want to do. What is that? What are your options? 
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Okay I am going to be honest with you. WHat comes first? Child or Man who you sometimes get along with? If I were you I would got to visit my son in a place where he is comfortable, even if that means around your x.. You have to rebuild your relationship withhim.. The longer you go without seeing him the bigger chance that there will be less attachement to you. If you do go to see your son don't bring your man, make the activities around him. After you have reconected the bond with your son, very very slowly start to introduce the man.
P.S. Make sure that your x is not saying bad things about you and your man in front of your child. Best of luck, and hang in there.
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Did your son ever witness his dad being emotionally abusive to you? I'm thinking that might be the case and might be combining with his confusion over seeing you with another man. It only gives him more ground to be upset that his family is no longer a family.
Perhaps it is too soon to become committed in another relationship. There's so many factors involved in your situation that it might be a good idea to call it quits with your new man- or at least put the relationship on hold until things cool down. Jumping into a relationship with "baggage" is only going to cause that relationship to fail. Plus, this guy isn't doing his part in helping the household. I think he is taking advantage of you and your mom's good hospitality. I hope you can see that. I agree with a lot of what Tract said. By not putting your child first, you are helping him build up even more resentment and this will cause heaps and heaps of problems later on. Do what is best for you and your son.
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so you are choosing a LOSER guy over your son??
do you really want a guy that is lazy to be a somewhat role model to your son if you think you are going to be with this guy. I think you need to get your son even if he doesn't want to be with you. But you need to figure out what you want in life. you don't seem happy with your new BF and frankly if it is starting out that way why continue. I dont know why your son is acting out with you but something is bothering him, try to talk to him yes I know he is 2 but they are smart. maybe you can get the father on board and both sit down with him and talk to him about your break up in a way a 2 year old can understand.
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Good Lord, I thought I was on my other group for friends and families of addicts!!! FIRST... dump that complete loser, it will only get worse. You need to get some self esteem, it is better to be alone than with a loser. SECOND... your son comes first, period. THIRD, is your ex pitting him against you? Does your son see this loser when you pick him up, and does he know he's going to have to see him? And, FOURTH, sorry to ask, is it possible that the loser boyfrien did anything bad to your child?
I am sorry to be so blunt, but it angers me to see people put their social and love lives before their children. You may think about not bringing around the "boyfriend" unless things are really solid.
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