What is Adoption
Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Adoption results in the severing of the parental responsibilities an...
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open vs closed adoption
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Do you believe in open adoption, or closed adoption?
I was adopted, it was an open adoption although I didn't meet my bparents until I was an adult. I just adopted my daughter, and her adoption was also open, but only because we know her bmom...it was my husband's ex. I personally in my adoption, liked the open factor because I was curious as to where I come from. But in my daughter's case, I wish it wasn't so open...but that would have been hard to do considering my daughter remembers her bmom. The reason I wish it wasn't quite so open is that the bmom and her family did an immeasurable amount of abuse on this child (emotional/neglectful/physical/mental/verbal/and sexual). They claim, we are lying and refuse to acknowledge they were in the wrong. Instead they still contact us, make posts everywhere online, and have other people email us, informing me and my husband we are bad people, who abuse this child, etc. Basically they tell everyone else that we are the ones who did these things to the child, not them, but that we lied convincingly to the judge, lawyers, conselors, school officials,etc., and stole their grandkid/daughter from them. My daughter has expressed quite loudly that she doesn't like these people and wants nothing to do with them, and we have tried to make that possible, but they insist on harassing us. They won't let go...and the reason for why I wish the adoption happened differently. So....what is better in your opinion....open or closed adoptions? Posted on 10/19/09, 04:10 pm |
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I think it is hard both ways 
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in your case a closed adoption would be the better way
is there no protection you can put in place for yourselves and your child?
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We have tried practically everything we can think of. I've closed online accounts, changed email addresses, we are unlisted in the phone book with our phone number and address, we don't answer their calls. But even though SHE lives in another city, that doesn't change the fact that some of her family lives in the same city as us. And they know our family friends so as a result are harassing them for photos, information, and addresses. Our friends don't say anything, but it's starting to bug them as well. They have our current address due to the termination process and we had to give them our information...which I wasn't really thrilled with.
So.......now...we are planning on moving, remaining unlisted, and are closing pretty much anything we have onilne. As far as my daughter goes...we try not to tell her what's happening, since she only 8 years old. Instead...because of how bad the situation was and is, we just keep detailed records of when they call, keep anything they send (letters, etc) and have them filed away for when my daughter is older and she can make what she wants out this madness. In general...all we try to do is just ignore them, and try not to let our daughter know. If she asks, we answer her questions, but we don't tell her more than she needs to know.
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You are doing the right thing in my mind. Your daughter does not want to see them, she feels she needs to be protected from them...I am so sorry you are having to deal with the bmom like this it does not sound fun at all...
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No it's not...it's like a living Hell. We've had the police show up on our doorstep wanting to know why we've denied her the rights to see her child, so then we have to pull out the temination papers and adoption papers. She's lied and told them that my husband sexually abused our daughter, when he never has. She tells them that we physically abuse the child, and has even tried to file Child Protection Services on us.
It's like it never ends with that family. That's why we are so franctic to just move, and pretty much become invinsible, because then what can they do? I'm sure they'll still try, but they won't have any of our information, so I hope they can't do toooo much damage. It just feels like a living nightmare, and they all (the mom, aunt, granparents, extended family) claim that they just care for my daughter and that's why they do these things is because their worried about her safety and blah blah blah. But what kills me, is how do you think this child reacts to having police come in her home threatening to take her away from us, when we are the only ones she trusts? It terrifies her!!!! And not to be too mean or anything, but the reason the adoption happened was because they didn't try to see her for almost 2 years, didn't contact her for over 2 years, they didn't do anything for the child, they just caused trouble. Plus there was documented abuse on their side. It's messy and a nightmare that's for sure.
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I wish mine would have been a open adoption. I was adopted when I was 3 days old and I am almost 35. I am just now getting my adoption papers this week from my adopted mom. They told me when I was 6 and growing up and now I feel like I did something wrong and she hated me so much that she didn't want me or even love me. She probably didn't. It's the worse feeling. Not being wanted. She rejected me before she even had me and I led my life based on that. I never allowed anyone else to reject me in my life again.
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