What is Adoption
Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Adoption results in the severing of the parental responsibilities an...
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abandonment issues
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Hi, i have severe abandonment issues and it was pointed out to me recently that it may have something to do with me being adopted! I love my family but they were of a great personality difference to my birth mother with whom i share sensitivity problems. She died last year and i know the circumstances of my adoption and she did the right thing in giving me away and ive always understood that! I grew up with the idea that my family went to a hospital and chose me out of loads of babies so ive never felt an issue with my adoption!
But my abandonment issues started years ago when i was 21 (im now 39) and they are ruining my life! Is there any way there could be a connection between being adopted and my problems now? Thanks Posted on 07/05/09, 04:07 am |
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I think that there is a connection between adoptees and feeling abandoned. I know that I have a huge issue with rejection because of being adopted. 
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Yes i do think there is a connection. but i think it is important to let your brain rule your emotions.
If you know the circumstances and you can see that this was the only way your Bm could have handled it then let your mind take over and think about it without emotion if possible. Maybe the problem is that you really think she could have done something diferently or could have kept her baby,ie you. What do you really think?just wondering My bm didnt really reject me as i was stolen from her but since meeting her i have been rejected at least three times by her. It is now hard for me to trust anyone in the family to folow through with what they say,this is unfair as they were not the ones to let me down,i cant expect them to want the level of relationship that i may want but i do feel worried that i will be rejected.Especially if i dont hear from the for awhile.Hope this all makes sense.trying write quickly. I have been rejected by one sister for her own personal reasons and one other sister doesnt want to talk to me but i have one sis that does and one brother that does it becomes very confusing and dificult i know the way i cope is to try to think about things diferently.I try not to dwell on what isnt.hope that helps
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Yes, I believe there is a connection. I was adopted at 3 months old and had a great family. My mom especially was loving, nurturing and always there for me. My childhood was very secure. Still, I have always had a fear of abandonment and issues of not belonging. This plays out in all of my relationships. I can't really offer any solutions, but it does help to give yourself positive feedback.
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I have these fears too, i think it's part of my being adopted.....i feel like i want everyone to like me, even though i know it's irrational i hate it when i feel someone doesnt like me.........it's all about not being rejected again....
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Yes, I agree there is a connection between being adopted and abandonment issues. It happens to a lot of people who have been adopted. I wasnt legally adopted but have been with my guardians since I was 3 months old. I still see my birth parents but havent ever lived with them. Even though I still have the option to see them, I still feel a little rejected because I am the only out of 4 children to be "adopted" out. When I feel rejected though I have always thought of the good things that have come out of the "adoption" that may not be the same if I wasnt given to my parents (guardian/adopted).I hope this helps you a little bit :)
Nikki
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My son was 4 when he came to live with us and then it was 2 1/2 years before the adoption was finalized. There is no doubt in my mind that he has abandonment issues. He is going to be 13 in a couple of months and I am now seeing things worsen as he is hitting puberty, that time in his life when his body is changing and he is trying to define himself. We go to counseling to try to help him with this. My husband's best friend was also adopted and is our son's Godfather, so also hoping he will be able to talk with him and help him through questions we cannot.
Hopefully you can talk with someone: priest, counselor, friend? Good luck!
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for sure there are connections. i think that is what my problem is. however i have other issues that strengthen those areas. my adopted mother did the best in raising me, but it was in a very squewed home. super super religious. i am competely different than any other family member. i am the only adopted kid in my clan so to speak. so i looked for my bm and found both, bm and bf. (starting to think that was a wrong move). then i tried to make my marriage work, made it clear to my wife i wanted to work on things and she decided that it was over. so i lost that and my 3 kids (well not the kids really, however as a very involved father, i lost that component). so i feel abandoned on a few different levels but the adoption thing is first and foremost. those are very formative years and the relationship that you have with the adoptive family is very important.
needless to say, i am in therapy. hope you can find some help.
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