Adoption Support Group

I am a birth mother and I like the berm birth mother. I don't like the term natural mother. To me that term seems like my biological sons mother is less his mother because she didn't give birth to him. She is his mother I am his birth mother. I don't think there should be a term natural mother. That is just my personal opinion though. I'm sure others could feel totally different than me though.

how is calling a mother who gives birth to a baby a natural mother affect the adopted mother one way or the other?She is still the adopted mother.
I don't get that.

The term birth mother, to my mother implies she was just a person who gave birth to a baby like a baby machine.Just there to give birth.

But here your experiences could be diferent as i was forceably removed from her against her wishes.
A natural mother implies that naturally she concieved the baby and had the right to keep it and nuture it and see it grow.(he or she).Not just gave birth to the baby with no rights afterwards.
This is her opinion anyway

Mouse..do you want to really hear others opinions or are you here to argue about it? I in no way,shape or form am a "baby machine"..and for ANYONE to say that is down right rude. I am a BIRTHmother..I gave birth to her,and her MOM is the person who brought her up to be the most beautiful woman she is today.

I was not arguing I was asking for an explanation as to why the would invalidate the adopted mother as i did not understand that,
Then i explained to some mothers who have had their babies stolen from them, as in they were drugged and forced to sign adoption papers the term birth mother upsets them.If all the birth mothers havent had this experience then they wouldnt understand would they.
perhaps if you as a birth mother made a concious descision for yourself that that was best for yourself and your baby the terminology doesnt worry you.
If you re-read my post and this you will see that i am expressing one birth mothers opinion and asking why it makes a diference to her adopted mum what the birth mum is called.I dont get that.
I have both a birth mum and had an adopted mum who was wonderful.
I have not said that all woman who are called birth mums are baby making machines i said my mother was forced to give me up and as this was a horrific and terrible experience for her she doesnt like the term birth mum.Am i not expressing an opinion also ?

I refer to my daughter's birth mother as her "tummy mommy" she has shortened it now to "TM" (because she is 10 and now so sophisticated:) ) but her biological mother seems to like that term as well so that is what we use. I am her "forever mom".

thanks for your reply
that sounds loverly kelly

My mom always used to say "It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it, that counts." In many cases I think she is right. And it is my opinion that it is much more important to talk about birthmothers, tummy-mommies, (and birthfathers too!!! ), than to not talk about them at all for fear of not saying the "right thing".

There are probably some cases where the birthmother was very similar to a surrogate mother. Other cases not like that at all. Each case is unique. But in ALL cases the adoptive parents should be very careful to be mindful of the fact that how they speak about birthparents (or don't speak about them) will affect the child.

Adoptive parents may not like the "natural parent" term because it implies they are "unnatural parents". It is similar to the "real parents" term, in that regard.

But anyway, I am pretty sure that it is best for adoptees in most cases to hear a lot about their origins, in the best possible light. Not all people who give birth are in a position to be good parents at the time, and some of them choose to find better homes for their children. In some foster-adoption situations the state has unfortunately had to make that choice, which can then be more difficult to explain to the adoptee in a positive light.

Anyway, no matter what word we use, we need to also keep in mind the context we use it in. And also keep in mind that not saying anything, may be worse than saying something less than the perfect thing.

p.s. That little blue CL thing means I have been nominated as a "community leader" in Daily Strength, but in my case it was not for my participation in adoption. I am an HIV researcher, and my work in the HIV group got me the CL nomination. I'm just a regular adoptive data here (open adoption of twins), not trained in counseling or psychology or anything like that.

My adoptive mother is very sensitive when i was a kid i referred to my bm as real mom not trying to hurt my mother i didnt know the word biological at the time so she finnaly understood and told me to say birth mother

I'm not sensitive to being referred to as the birth mother. I don't love it though, as it conjures in my head images of the actual birth!

I like the terms biological mother and relinquishing mother.

No doubt everyone is PC thesedays (in USA & UK anyway. In my birth land, not so much) and every term will be offensive to someone.