Adoption Support Group

In our home, adoption was part of casual conversation from the day the children were home with us... I believe that you should be honest. They will find out on their own anyway, and then wonder what else you may have kept from them... Celebrate how you choose to create your family... celebrate adoption! Best of luck!

i'm an adoptee myself. i was along with my brother was adopted at age 6 my brother was 4. i agree with kadydragon that if its discussed positively they will understand. my parents allows told me that they couldn't have children so my birth mother gave birth to me however I was born from their hearts and was chosen to be part of their family. if you have any questions or concerns i'll be happy to tell you form my point of view.

I am the mother of two adopted children (20 yr old daughter, 17 year old son). I loved them the minute I saw them. Both of them were 2 days old. Both kids knew they were adopted from before they could understand.

We have an open adoption with both maternal birth mothers and their families. Our son's birth family approached us first about an open adoption. The open adoption has gone very well. In fact, we go on vacation with them and have a very close relationship. My son adores his grandparents.

After we established the open adoption with our son's family, we decided to approach our daughter's birth mother. Things have not gone as well. We are trying to figure out if our daughter has a personality disorder or if her stuggles are due to being adopted. She has struggled for about 7 years. At this time, our daughter has not talked to us for 2 years. I don't believe she is talking to her birth mother either. Just before she left us, she found her birthfather. Not sure if she is talking to him.

I think open adoption is the way to go if you think the birth family can handle it and they will support you. In our daughter's case, our daughter told her birthmother that we abused her and she believed it. (Even though birthmother had been around us for 8 years.) She helped our daughter run away from us. In fact, I believe she was trying to replace her other daughter who had just been taken away from her by the courts.

So bottom line, I loved the kids instantly. ALL the pain I felt due to infertility went away. I think open adoption is the way to go. But you should be prepared for the struggles that your child may face. Just because you love the kids with all your heart, doesn't mean their heart won't ache because they are adopted.

I, too, was adopted, but I was old enough at the time ( 4.5 yo, ). It is best to be open to the child. If not, they WILL find out later. It is best not to lie to the child. Tell them they were Adopted, but also tell them if you love them, which I am sure you would. Also, if it is a "closed adoption", meaning that you and the child are NOT to have ANYTHING to do with the birth family, You should let the child make they own choice as to pursue theire birth-family, in most states, when the turn 18 years old. This can be done through the state that the adoption took place,(which often costs ALOT of money to do) or through what is called the"Search Angels Network" which is FREE. ( This latter can be found at www.gsadoptionregistry.com/. I used this and it took them 2.5 days, with only my b-mom and b-dad's first name and the city and state I was born.) My advice is to love the child as your own, but at the same time, be HONAST and answer ANY question they may have (providing you know the answer)
If you have ANY questions that I, or others, have not answered, I suggest you talk to someone who has been on the ADOPTED side as well. We can give some advice on how WE felt growing up, wondering if OUR BIRTH parents even cared about us. I would LOVE to answer ANY questions you may have regarding this matter.


Good luck,
Joe